It’s the first episode of Lucha Underground in the new year and boy, oh boy, did we get started on the wrong foot. I don’t believe there was a single thing I liked on this entire episode. Nothing made sense, nothing was good, all of it was skippable. This may be the worst single episode of Lucha Underground in the show’s entire run.
Match #1 was an abominable train wreck between Mariposa and Sexy Star. This match was terrible. They didn’t click at all, it was sloppy, and everything they did looked bad. I honestly expect that you could walk into the Storm Wrestling Academy halfway through any semester and see a better match. This was awful.
Not only was it bad, it was preposterous. Sexy Star demands this match in anger to get revenge for the spider pranks she believes Mariposa to be behind and yet she walks to the ring grinning and making heart signs. Not a care in the world. The bell rang and they got a little scrappy, but it never really felt like a heated grudge. It felt like a regular match, only one that’s not very good. (Have I mentioned how bad this match was?)
After they work a terrible match that does not jive with the story we’ve been told leading up to the match, we get no resolution to that story, but do start a completely new one out of left field. After Mariposa fails to beat Sexy Star, her brother, Marty the Moth, comes out and gives her a chokeslam. Why? Beats me. It felt like a turn for the sake of a turn, but who knows, maybe they’ll follow up on it in some satisfying way.
Match #2 was also bad, though not nearly as bad as match #1. The White Rabbit Tribe had the brightest spot of the whole show, when they found Mascarita and claimed he was the White Rabbit they’ve been looking for. It was kinda cute and funny. That was seriously the best thing on the whole show.
They then had a match against Kobra Moon’s lizard crew of Pindar, Luchasaurus, and a brain-washed Drago. I enjoy some of the Rabbit Tribe’s antics, but the match never came together for me. It also felt jarring where we have one story that’s supposed to be serious and a team that’s very jokey and we smashed them together in this match. Seeing as how it’s already hard for the crowd to take Pindar and Vibora seriously, this killed them. The “Luchasaurus” chants got going and the whole thing felt goofy. Their new monster tag team already feels like comedy.
At the end of the match, Aerostar and Fenix came out to rescue Drago and then he didn’t want to stay with them, but then he did? This is where commentary could really help, because I’m looking at six people in masks and it’s hard to tell what they’re feeling if I can’t see their faces. I’m at least intrigued as to what this is leading to. If it’s just the Super Friends against Kobra Moon and the Dino Squad, this whole story was a colossal waste of time.
Hey, speaking of colossal wastes of time, we have our main event! Look, the match between Johnny Mundo and The Mack was fine, but the idea of the match was dumb. I get it, Dario likes to mess with people, but I thought this all felt ridiculous. Instead of Mack challenging for the title, we got The Mack facing Mundo to determine who would get to choose the stipulation of their title match next week. So, they give us a match between them to set up another match between them. Why would you do this?
It’s becoming more and more apparent to me that Lucha Underground is falling into the same trap that TNA has found themselves in for much of their run. Instead of truly being an alternative to the WWE, Lucha Underground is aping their booking philosophy. Sure, Lucha Underground has prettier promos, but what else is really all that different? The same complaints that have kept me from watching a full episode of Raw for the past few years are ones I’m finding myself attaching to Lucha Underground now, too. Nothing matters, the booking is all over the place, none of the stories make sense. It’s WWE lite, this time with dragons.
At least we know next week’s episode will have a great match.
