February 3, 2014
Last week on Raw, Daniel Bryan confronted the Authority. They put him in a six man tag with John Cena and Sheamus against the Shield, with the winners going into the Chamber. After some interference the Wyatts, the faces won by DQ, so Bryan, Cena and Sheamus are in the Chamber. Smackdown added Cesaro and Christian. What will Orton have to say about his opponents for the Chamber?
We’ll find out soon, as Orton comes to the ring to kick off Raw. CM Punk chants immediately begin. He talks about how unfair it is that he’s in the Elimination Chamber. I guess he forgot it was February. He asks how many times does he have to beat a John Cena, Daniel Bryan or any other of the Elimination Chamber entrants. He says he’ll get through them, then he’ll win at Wrestlemania XXX by beating that jacked up freak Batista. Is 2005 Batista returning? Because 2014 Batista doesn’t look quite as jacked. Funny how that works out.
The real stars of this show, Triple H and Stephanie arrive. More CM Punk chants. Stephanie says that Randy is paranoid and overanalyzes too much. Don’t bite the hand that feeds you. Triple H, the smartest dude in the biz, says that Randy says the same thing every week about facing impossible odds and that everything is unfair. He says this isn’t something that the face of the WWE would say and that maybe they should find a new face of the WWE. Orton didn’t like to hear this and threw a fit as Triple H motions for yes chants. The announcers discuss what had just happened as we go to our first match.
The Shield vs. Rey Mysterio, Kofi Kingston & Big E. Langston. Big E and Ambrose start things off, then tag to Kofi who controls early until Ambrose cuts him off. From here, all the members of the Shield start working on Kofi. JBL calls Daniel Bryan a hairy troll, which is so excellent to hear still, especially from JBL. Mysterio gets the hot tag and starts taking dudes out. He gets caught up with a double team by Reigns and Rollins, but Kofi breaks it up as they go to commercial. Reigns has Mysterio in a rest hold as we return. Tag to Ambrose, same deal. Mysterio escapes and tags to Big E, who unleashes offense, including a german suplex and big splash on Reigns. Kofi with a crossbody on the other two Shield dudes. Big E gets distracted and runs into a Superman punch by Reigns. He looks to end it with a spear, but Ambrose tags himself in and hits the forward DDT for the pinfall. Did they really need to pin Big E, the Intercontinental champion and rising star here? Seems so stupid, unless they’re going with a Big E/Ambrose program for Wrestlemania which isn’t the most far fetched idea. Good little match here that builds up the split more between the Shield. Wrong person got pinned though.
Ambrose and Reigns stare down as Rollins tries to mediate. Suddenly the Wyatts appear on the titantron. Wyatt says that the Shield keep reaching but they get nowhere. He builds his empire near the ocean and watches his enemies drown. Harper asks if its worth it. They fail to realize that he’s always been their king. He whistles as Rowan says RUN.
They show the Seahawks tweeting Daniel Bryan.
Bad News Barrett arrives. He says that yesterdays Superbowl was the most watched telecast of all time, but for those 111 million people, shockingly, he has some bad news. You spent the entire evening eating fatty foods and most likely you won’t survive for next year’s game. Lawler all of a sudden appears on the mic. He says hopefully next week Barrett won’t be here. Barrett seethes as Lawler’s music plays. They then instruct us for the millionth time how to download the app. What was this?
WWE Countdown is coming to the WWE Network. If you like lists this is your show, dawg.
2014 Royal Rumble Winner Batista tonight. Get excited!
Christian vs. Jack Swagger, who gets no entrance. ECW 2009 reunion right here, right now homies. Cesaro and Coulter at ringside. Some mat wrestling early, but Christian takes him down as he exits the ring. Christian goes to kick him, but instead Swagger takes him down and tumbles on the apron. Swagger continues to work on Christian. He goes for a splash off the middle rope, but Christian stops him with some feet to the face and continues with a missile dropkick, but Swagger takes him down with a knee to the gut. Some back and forth until Swagger locks in the Patriot Lock, but Christian powers out and ends up getting the pinfall after jumping over Swagger from the middle rope and rolling him up. Good for what it was.
They recap what happened between the New Age Outlaws and the Rhodes brothers last week, with the Rhodes being taken out with steel chair shots by Brock Lesnar. They’re facing the Outlaws in a steel cage match because ok?
Outlaws arrive. They do their usual shtick. Why do they need to point out Billy Gunn only has one line every week? I’ve noticed this like EVERY TIME since he’s come back. I mean it’s true, but do you need to point this out EVERY SINGLE WEEK? I have no idea why this annoys me as much as it does, but…you know, it does.
Betty White is coming to Raw next week. She’s great; old people are funny!
Cody Rhodes & Goldust vs. Road Dogg & Billy Gunn in a steel cage. Apparently, they can’t escape from the steel cage through the door. Goldust and Gunn start things off, then he tags in Cody who gets a rollup. Some stalling for a bit, then tag to Dogg who works on Cody’s arm. Loud CM Punk chants. Cody cuts off Dogg and starts working on him as he tags in Goldust. He and Dogg go back and forth. Punches to the corner by Goldust. He ends up ramming himself into the steel cage on accident and Gunn tags in, who starts to work on Goldust as we go to commercial amongst We Want Punk chants.
Gunn works over Goldust as he tags in Dogg, who thwarts Goldust at every move until they both get taken down. Tag on both sides as Cody and Gunn go at it. Famouser (not fame asser anymore, guys. the FAMOUSER) attempt by Gunn but Cody tries to counter with the Cross Rhodes but is taken out by Dogg. Bodies fly into the steel cage from both sides Disaster kick by Rhodes onto Gunn. Cody tries to escape, but instead stands on the cage like a dolt and hits a moonsault that looks like it barely hit. Never been a fan of his moonsault, it’s never looked that fluid in his repertoire. Gunn promptly hits the famouser and pins him. Rightfully so. Good match!
Zack Ryder vs. Titus O’Neil. LOL if you think Ryder got an entrance. They show video from Smackdown as O’Neil turned on Darren Young, destroying him after a loss. O’Neil smiles as he sees what he did on the ton. Miz suddenly appears on commentary and whines about not wrestling tonight. He then leaves thankfully. O’Neil with a bearhug. O’Neil misses a big splash and Ryder knees him in a corner. Broski boot then a crossbody attempt, but O’Neil grabs him and throws him around. Big splash to the corner, then hits a sit-out spinebuster he calls the Clash of the Titus for the pinfall.
Fandango and Summer Rae arrive for the dance off, the best way to kill time on Raw instead of like giving someone a promo or an entrance or something.
First, a Black History month video on “Big Cat” Ernie Ladd. Cool video, but that’s some weird placing there. Why not do the video first, then Fandango’s entrance? I guess I don’t time these shows out, now do I.
Dance off time. Santino picks Emma from the crowd for this epic dance off. Summer Rae does her dance, which lasts like five seconds. Emma does her wacky NXT dance, and the crowd goes mild. They do pick her the winner, however, so there’s that.
Sheamus vs. Curtis Axel. Immediate Goldberg chants, so you know Ryback is at ringside. CM Punk chants again. Cole tells us Sheamus told him he was going to win the Elimination Chamber. Why can’t Sheamus tell us himself? Sheamus dominates early, including the chops on the apron and getting thrown to the floor. Axel cuts him off with a knee to the face followed by a posting. “Ryback sucks” chants. More CM Punk chants. They’re not a fan of this match, apparently. Axel works on Sheamus’ arm, but Sheamus starts to hulk up and hits the white noise and hits the Brouge Kick for the pinfall. It was fine.
Batista arrives, but before he can even talk Alberto Del Rio arrives. CM Punk chants. Del Rio says that before he talks about how he’s going to headline WrestleMania, he will finish his business. Batista says he doesn’t know what his deal is, but coming back here to the WWE has nothing to do with him. Del Rio says he’ll tell him when he’s done with him. While he’s been sitting at home waiting for his movie agent to call, del Rio has been here every week winning titles. Being famous doesn’t make you a champion, winning championships do. Del Rio calls him a perro and he’s gonna hurt him. Batista starts to talk, but Del Rio cuts him off and beats him down. del Rio hits the ropes, but Batista grabs him and goes for the Batista Bomb but del Rio escapes as Batista stalks the ring. This does not sound like the greatest of feuds.
Mark Henry returns next week.
Dolph Ziggler, R-Truth & Xavier Woods vs. The Wyatts. Rowan and Xavier Woods start things off. Tag to Truth who do some double team stuff that take out Rowan for a bit, but Rowan pulls through and tags in Harper, who takes care of Woods for a bit before tagging in Wyatt We want Ziggler chants. Ziggler tagged in and hits some punches to the corner followed by a neckbreaker followed by a DDT for the nearfall as Rowan breaks it out. Turns into a skirmish as Ziggler goes for the zig zag, but Harper cuts him off and hits the roaring elbow clothesline. Tag to Wyatt who hits the Sister Abigail for the three count. Again, wrong person took the fall here, especially when you have R-TRUTH AND XAVIER WOODS IN YOUR CORNER. WWE, incredibly petty.
Shield appears on the titantron. Ambrose says we aren’t scared of your goat masks or rocking chairs, so take that crap somewhere else. Rollins says that the Wyatts live in their own imaginary world and that Wyatt is delusional if he thinks that they can hang with the Shield. Reigns says take a look, guys, as we don’t play games, and you can believe that. Wyatt laughs maniacally and says he welcomes this war.
Alexander Rusev promo. He speaks in Bulgarian as his valet arrives, an ice cold blonde who says Russev hits and Russev crush. Rusev legacy starts now, he says.
Naomi vs. Aksana. AJ Lee on commentary. Naomi with some punches and does a circle roll up for two. Aksana blocks with a suplex. Aksana grabs Namoi but Naomi attacks the arm then hits a few dropkicks as she goes for a sunset flip but Aksana knees her in the eye. Naomi comes back and hits a springboard moonsault for the pinfall. Alicia Fox runs in after the match, but Cameron and Naomi take them out. Tamina and AJ look on as the Funkadactyls dance.
Wrestlemania is 62 days away! Do you know the card? Better question, does WWE know the card?
Daniel Bryan vs. Randy Orton. Back and forth early. CM Punk chants. Orton gets caught in the post and Bryan dropkicks Orton in the knee, slamming it against the steel post. Daniel Bryan works on the injured knee as more CM Punk chants come up. Orton runs into the barricade and continues to pepper Orton with kicks as he takes Orton and throws him into the table, knocking Cole’s headset off. More work on the knee, including a surfboard. Orton finally gets some offense in by suplexing him into the barricade. Orton with some headbutts in the corner but Bryan comes back with some kicks and does his comeback but Orton counters with a powerslam. Back from commercial, Bryan with some kicks but Orton takes him out with a avalanche suplex. Bryan hurts his arm, so Orton works it over as he slams it on the ring post. Orton throws Bryan into the stairs. Back in the ring, the bad arm continues to be worked on as the crowd gets behind Bryan. Orton does the standing punches, but Bryan with some punches and takes him out to the ring. Bryan with a missile dropkick, but it takes out his bad arm. Bryan responds by kicking Orton in the bad knee. Orton takes out Bryan’s arm again but as he goes to pick him up Bryan traps him in the Yes lock but Orton puts his feet on the ropes. Bryan builds some momentum but Orton drills him with a dropkick. Draping DDT, or as Cole calls it, “that DDT move.”
Orton goes for the RKO but Bryan blocks and hits a flying headbutt. Kane suddenly appears out of nowhere but Bryan takes him out and throws out Orton, and Bryan with the suicide dive that takes both of them down. Kane runs to Bryan but drop toe holds him into the steel steps. He’s distracted long enough that Orton tries to go for the RKO, but Bryan counters and hits the running knee strike for the pinfall. Very good match, though not as good as their last match a few weeks ago.
After the match, Orton and Kane beat down Bryan and Kane gives him the chokeslam, so I guess Bryan inherited that feud from CM Punk. Whoopdedoo. Raw ends with him and Orton posing.
This was OK. Another heavy wrestling episode with no real direction towards anything at the moment. They have a few more weeks till the Chamber so that’s fine I guess. The CM Punk chants…I don’t see the point of them. He’s not coming back because you chant his name on TV, he wasn’t fired, and for all I know he’s burnt out and wants a break. So why are you chanting his name? Are you that selfish, or are you just doing it for the hell of it? Pretty dumb. Irregardless, an OK show I’ll probably forget about by this time next week.