New year, new attitude. Sure Raw’s main event scene has been like a tire fire with some elephant dung thrown in the flames. But the calendar has flipped, and it’s time to find the positive in Raw. We’re at the on-ramp to the Road to Wrestlemania. This car is bound to get going at some point. Right?
This week: We talk about appreciating the Big Show, John Cena vs. our mortality, and Maynard G. Krebs. Also, the World Champ goes against the US Champ and Randy Orton meets Kevin Steen for the first time.
Will things get totally cray between Seth Rollins and Dean Ambrose? Is John Cena’s U.S. Title Open Challenge going to be the stage for another Kevin Owens appearance? These answers and more in our Raw review!
Did it run long? Yep. Was it repetitive at times? Yep. Did Paul Heyman try to do the labor of 6 months of programming in one deranged promo? You damn right. He’s giving a feud between a guy who’s never there and a guy no one wants there everything he has to try and get it over. Every tiny trick of getting the crowd in that he’s learned in 30 years is being used right now. Nothing is being left on the table, no matter where it may lie on the kayfabe spectrum. Paul Heyman has a bucket, he’s on the Titanic, and he’s trying to bail water so hard that even the ocean cannot conquer him.
It’s been a while since we last met, weary travelers on the dusty and dangerous Road to WrestleMania — There was still a chance Daniel Bryan would win the Rumble, Seth Rollins was assumed to be cashing in his briefcase at the Rumble, RAW was going to be live from Hartford on 1/26, I was a WWE Network subscriber, Pete Carroll wasn’t known as the dumbest man in the world and the Ascension were incapable of standing up to old dudes. As The Flaming Lips said, Suddenly Everything Has Changed.
So while you were watching some excellent matches as part of #RAWlternative, this was happening tonight. I was doing neither at the time they aired. I was eating my weight in meat at Fogo de Chao, a Brazilian churrascaria. In honor of this fact, tonight we shall be ranking the different meat options throughout the report.
I suppose after watching the John Cena master class in thespianic studies last week I had to come back and see what happens. Maybe he’ll volunteer to sacrifice his career for the good of his friends who he put in such a bind. Maybe he’ll make a deal with the devil to help Seth Rollins win the title. Or maybe he’ll come out and do exactly the same thing he does every week, only this time with 4.7% more Serious Voice.
So I didn’t burst into flames after last week’s report, nor did I break my TV. And even though I’m an excellent quitter I’ve decided to keep watching at least through the Road to WrestleMania. Since even if it sucks, at least stuff might happen.
Last week I was in a foul mood. So this week, still full of turkey and good feelings I am going to try something different this week. For every match or major promo segment I will find something to be genuinely thankful for. Not just “thankful that’s over!” or anything of the sort. But real genuine positive feelings. I figure if I say enough happy things, I might even like the show by the end.
We’re back again. I’ve officially hit the over on the predictions of my time as Raw Reviewer. For the love of God share this with your friends. If I don’t get enough pageviews Rich will reassign me to weekly reviews of Jimmy Jacobs compilations.
This ends another week of Raw. A lot of dreck with a few high level performances scattered about. Stephanie was absolutely superb. HHH was solid as well. Nikki Bella and Paige both showed some sparks tonight.
John Cena and Randy Orton will headline a PPV in 2014. The epitome of who gives a fuck. The show itself was slightly better than previous weeks, but the boredom. The tediousness. The worthlessness of everyone. I give up.
Ambrose stuff was neat. Beyond that, I don’t even have the words to express how boring this show was. WWE continues to amaze me with the way they make things not matter. It’s an artform at this point. Their lazy, uninspired writing has never been more apparent. Ever.
Fast forwarding through most of the long matches, this was fine. I liked the bunny’s comeback and also like the focus on Seth Rollins and Dean Ambrose, since they’re new guys who aren’t getting the midcard treatment push. Everything else on this show…hmm…there’s two words here I can use, but I’ve seemed to have forgotten them. Oh well!
I guess in the end this was a mixed bag show. Nothing extremely appalling, just some dumb stuff throughout, some bad matches, tons of filler (save for the Rollins/Reigns match…which I still have no idea why they needed to do it right here, right now) and some great segments hyping the main event for Night of Champions
A million times better than the last two episodes. Seems this week WWE wants to care about what they actually want to air on TV, and I’m assuming that’s because the NFL is back in full force and thus needs to step up their game.
A bad, bad show. 1999 Nitro levels of terrible. Uninspired to the max. The terrible crap they’re doing in an attempt to garner interest is failing on all levels. The fall slump has begun, all we can do now is ride it out and hope it’s not as bad as it was in 2011 or last year.
It’s shows like these that make me wonder what the wrestling world will be like come October. TNA will probably be out. Ustream will drop iPPVs. I don’t even want to fathom it. Be prepared, people. You thought post-2001 was bad, you ain’t seen nothing yet.
This felt like a really long show. BUT, it was also pretty newsworthy and interesting, going in a number of new directions. They definitely have ideas for SummerSlam, and they seem to be sticking to them, so that’s cool. SummerSlam sounds like a hell of a lot better than Battleground, and it should be packed with a number of great matches. Let’s see how the build is leading to the big show.
The good news is that they pushed Battleground this Sunday. The bad news is I am sure not one person’s interest was gauged after watching this show. A lot of filler guised as build for the battle royal, other filler that was just plain bad, incoherent storytelling in the midcard with zero direction and a dull main event made this show pretty lame. The Rusev/Swagger segment was good, though. So at least there’s that.
It was alright. The Ambrose/Orton match was a highlight. The Usos/Wyatts had great heat as well. Really nothing more than a show building towards Battleground. But hey, that’s a good thing. Most weeks they don’t build towards anything. They definitely have ideas set in stone for the rest of the summer, so we’ll see how things build up from here.