WWE SummerSlam 2023
August 5, 2023
Ford Field
Detroit, Michigan

Watch: Peacock

Meet Our Reviewers:

Sean Sedor: While I’m not exactly enthralled with the WWE product right now, I decided to join this review since I was going to be watching the show anyway (watching the PPVs, listening to review podcasts, and browsing on Twitter are how I keep up with WWE these days). I can guarantee you that I will enjoy my leftover Chinese food over whatever this Tribal Combat match is going to be. You can find me on Twitter @SASedor2994 (I refuse to call it X) AND on Bluesky (@sasedor2994.bsky.social). If you’re interested in some of my other escapades, you can watch me play the Formula 1 games on YouTube (just search my name), and you also go to the Be The Booker forums if you’d like to check out my EWR Diary, where I play as WCW (started in 1998, currently in January 2002).

Jeri Evagood: Backstreet’s back (alright) and so am I for this review! I sincerely don’t think I’ve watched WWE since last year’s SummerSlam. So why not? Let us give it a try. Going in partially blind and with no expectations, maybe I’ll surprise myself and end up enjoying what is presented tonight. If you want to get more of my thoughts you can always follow me at TheJerriest_Jer on twitter, but be warned, I don’t talk much about wrestling these days and touch on other subjects instead. You’ve been warned.

Logan Paul def. Ricochet

Sean: I’m watching this show on my iPhone, as I have AEW Collision on the TV (FTR vs. Big Bill & Brian Cage kicking off that show). These two had a fine opening exchange before the first big moment of the match, which saw Logan Paul deliver a neckbreaker to Ricochet on the apron. He then busted out a leg drop/spit deal which he apparently calls the “Hogan Paul”….ok then. Ricochet finally responded by bringing out the People’s Moonsault (haven’t seen him do that one in awhile), but was taken down again with a back body drop. The pace started to pick up after a Spanish Fly Exchange followed by a Buckshot Lariat to the floor by Paul that ended looking clunky. Both guys continued to exchange big moves back and forth. Eventually, Ricochet goes for the 630, but Paul avoids it. Then, some random dude comes in and gives Paul brass knuckles, which he uses to knock out Ricochet for the win.

“Well that was a great match, but the ending sucked”. That was a quote from Michael Cole shortly after the finish, and that’s a pretty accurate description. The action from start to finish was a lot of fun to watch, while the finish did stink. I suppose it makes sense if the plan is to do a rematch down the line. Alas, even with the way the bout ended, it was still a strong way to kick off the show. ****

Jeri: I’m strictly focusing on SummerSlam. Depending on the quality of this show you can potentially blame my maschocistic tendencies. Logan Paul is a lot of (mostly negative) things but he’s pretty good at this wrestling thing and I won’t pretend otherwise. Cole said the ending sucked at the end of this match, and he’s absolutely correct. After movez after movez Logan Paul wins with the brass knuckles shot when brass knuckles are handed to him by a false member of security, or the camera crew, or whatever. I’m not a professional reviewer. The crowd was into the match which I think helped a lot. They were all over Logan Paul and wanted Ricochet to win. They didn’t get what they want, which is how it goes with pro-wrestling. I think ultimately this was a very fun match. Both men hit move after move on each other and kept the pace going which helped a lot. There was some nice spots in this match and I enjoyed myself… up until the shit finish. I hope that’s not a theme for tonight. Either way, a good opening contest overall that sets off the event pretty well. Also Logan, maybe don’t try a buckshot lariat to the outside floor again. That didn’t look great. ***1/2

Cody Rhodes def. Brock Lesnar

Sean: WWE labeled this match as the “first of four main events”. If half the card is the main event, doesn’t that devalue the meaning of the term? If you’ve got a double or triple main event on a huge card with a lot of matches, ok maybe I can buy that….but FOUR main events on a card with eight matches? Definitely silly.

Cody tries to jump Lesnar, but Brock quickly responds with a German Suplex. Rhodes recovered quickly and hit two Disaster Kicks before Lesnar took him down again. After Cody connected with a dive to the floor, Lesnar regained control and started tossing him around the ring. Norman Suplexes, German Suplexes….the works. Cody is selling his ribs as they do a couple of count out teases. Lesnar, frustrated that he’s not getting the count out (he had been screaming at Cody to stay down), gives Cody the F5 on the floor. Cody gets back up again and fires back, but Lesnar responds with the F5 through the announce desk. Cody again beats the count as Michael Cole screams at Cody to stay down. Cody finally fights back after sending Lesnar into the post, but then hits Lesnar with the steel steps right in front of the referee. I don’t know why they just didn’t call for the DQ. We get a series of Cody Cutter’s in Cody’s first big offensive flurry of the match. He is able to get to the ropes to get out of the Kimura, and then Cody locks in a Kimura of his own. After avoiding yet another F5, Cody hits three consecutive Cross Rhodes to put Brock away (who somehow tore his fight shorts completely to shreds).

We get an apparent face turn from Lesnar in the post-match, as he offers a handshake to Cody (which he accepts) before raising his hand. This was a strong match that told a really good story with Cody Rhodes taking this hellacious beating from Lesnar, but refusing to stay down. While there were some of the typical WWE-isms (Brock telling Cody to stay down multiple times in what you could call a mid-match promo, Michael Cole screaming at the top of his lungs….in addition to the inherent flaw of Cody uses the steel steps in front of the referee when it clearly wasn’t a No DQ Match), the crowd was very much into this, and you can never really go wrong with Brock Lesnar tossing a dude around like he’s nothing. Still a little surprised that they didn’t blow this off with some sort of big gimmick match, but they clearly didn’t need it. Great stuff here. ****1/4

Jeri: Crowd is HYPED for this match as it begins. I don’t care how many Brock Lesnar formula matches I’ve seen, good, bad, ugly, there’s just always that PRESENCE you don’t get from a lot of other wrestlers. You FEEL it. This match ruled. Cody Rhodes got his ass handed to him throughout a lot of it, but never gave up, refused to back down, and kept coming back for more. At one point Brock Lesnar did all he could to win by countout and Cody refused to back down over and over again leading up to a massive F5 through the table which ruled, Cody still managed to beat the count and started to put together offense. Cody survived the Kimura this time around, and even got to apply his own! Cody eventually hits three Cross Rhodes in a row to keep Brock Lesnar down and get the victory. I loved every bit of this, and I love that Brock Lesnar was also willing to show respect to Cody at the end of the match for surviving, never backing down, and finishing the job. A nice little exclamation point to everything. This was a war with Cody having to survive onslaught after onslaught, pepper in offense when he could, and his attrition eventually paid off in victory. Fantastic. **** ¼

Slim Jim SummerSlam Battle Royal – Winner: LA Knight

Sean: WWE got a fat sack of money from Slim Jim to put this match on. I know we’ve all complained about these sponsored PPV matches in the past (particularly the super ridiculous ones), but I don’t necessarily mind it in this case. At least it’s a sponsor that’s had a history with wrestling. The match is about to start before MVP comes out and introduces Omos as the final participant (don’t believe we’ve seen him since he lost to Seth Rollins at Backlash). This was a typical WWE battle royal in the first half, with Omos getting a number of eliminations. I did like that they did a number of spots that were continuations of ongoing midcard storylines (guess I’ll give them some credit on that one). Omos eventually gets ganged up on and eliminated, and once they widdle it down to the final few guys, it ultimately comes down to LA Knight against Sheamus. Knight connected with the spot off the top that he botched horribly last night on SmackDown, and managed to toss Sheamus out to win the battle royal. The crowd exploded when LA Knight came out, and they exploded at the finish when LA Knight won.

This was a perfectly fine battle royal that had the right winner. To top it all off, we actually got LA Knight in a Slim Jim ad that aired after the match, so everything’s going well for that guy right now. I’ll throw a Gentleman’s Three at this. Enjoyable for what it was. ***

Jeri: Did this match really need a video package? Whatever, I hope the winner gets a lifetime of slim jims or something. Or at least an endorsement deal. Or.. Or.. I dunno… I guess it gets a bunch of them on the card so… yay? It sure was a Battle Royal, but it wasn’t awful. Omos dominated the first half of the battle royale as is to be expected until the non-surprising bunch of wrestlers team up to get rid of the big bad happened. Crowd was into the battle royale so it had that going for it, and it seemed nods to various mid card feuds were thrown out throughout the match which was a nice touch. It came down to LA Knight and Sheamus with LA Knight clotheslining Sheamus over the top rope to get the battle royal victory. . . which given the crowd’s investment in him was the right call. Acceptable Battle Royal, it sure was watchable. **¾

MMA Rules – Shayna Baszler def. Ronda Rousey

Sean: The build to this match has been super weird. I understand that part of it is due to Ronda Rousey apparently having a “hard out” on her current deal, but it’s just been absurd from start to finish. Shayna turned on Ronda during a Women’s Tag Team Title defense out of blue with no buildup or any tease of tension (felt like a Vince Russo swerve). We then got several segments on TV where the babyface/heel dynamic seemed to change every single week. The interview package they did on the go home RAW was admittedly very well done, but it’s been the only good thing part of this terribly rushed and baffling feud.

These two start doing their MMA stuff and the crowd is not really into it. Shayna connects with a big kick that sends Ronda to the floor. Ronda responds with a step-up knee strike that takes Shayna down. A submission attempt by Ronda gets broken up as the two of them spill out to the floor. The match is put to a stop as Shayna sells an arm injury, but Ronda shoves the medical staff out of the way. They follow up with a comically bad Frye/Takayama spot before they go back to exchanging submission holds. Shayna manages to get in a choke, and Ronda passes out, giving the win to Shayna. This stunk, and the crowd wasn’t into it. Doing this match in front of such a massive stadium audience was a hilarious mistake. It was just incredibly boring, and absolutely nobody cared. This feels pretty DUD worthy, so that’s what I’m going with. I guess this is Ronda’s last match for now, and it’s honestly incredible to see how well she did on her first run compared to this second run. Yes, WWE did turn her into just another name on the roster, but you can’t let Ronda off the hook either. She’s been awful on this second run, pretty much from the moment she returned in the 2022 Women’s Rumble. This wet fart of a match is a great summation of the last year-and-a-half of her WWE tenure. DUD

Jeri: Very early into this match I heard a fan shout “BORING” and I in a very trying to be non-bias way felt myself thinking “give them a chance” but it only took a few minutes before I found myself agreeing. Sometimes that one lone fan shouting something ends up being right. Uninspiring, Uninteresting, Insignificant, Insipid. This was boring wrestling at its near worst. The crowd didn’t care, I didn’t care, good chances you didn’t care, and I’m not sure if the competitors really cared. I guess in THEORY Shayna choking out Ronda could be considered a big deal, but lets be realistic, Ronda isn’t the hot business she was when she first entered WWE for her first year. I could say more, but it would just me adding a hundred words to say this absolutely sucked. Do not watch. This sure was an MMA Match. Middling, Mediocre, Awful. DUD

WWE Intercontinental Title – Gunther (c) def. Drew McIntyre

Sean: Hopefully these two can get this show back on track. Gunther is just over a month away from breaking The Honkey Tonk Man’s famous Intercontinental Title record. McIntyre is in control early, but that quickly changes as Gunther slams him onto the steel steps. Gunther starts delivering his chops, though McIntyre responds with a big lariat. A powerbomb followed by a Future Shock DDT only gets a two count. Drew follows up with a dive over the top rope, and tries to hit the Claymore Kick, but Gunther hits a flying kick of his own, hits a powerbomb, and a big splash. That only got a two count. The two exchange chops before McIntyre hits the Claymore Kick. Once again though, it’s only two. Pretty physical match thus far, as one would’ve expected.

A chop exchange on the turnbuckle leads to Gunther crotching McIntyre on the top rope. From there, one big splash off the top, one lariat, and one powerbomb ends up putting Drew down for the count. A really strong match between these two, but at the same time, I was definitely expecting this to be a little better? Don’t get me wrong, I would definitely call this a great match, though I had much higher expectations (especially after the bout these two were involved in with Sheamus at WrestleMania). The action throughout was hard-hitting (no surprise there), and it all worked, but it just never managed to get that super high level that it easily could’ve gotten to. A match that’s definitely going in the notebook, though I wouldn’t put it above the Brock Lesnar vs. Cody Rhodes bout from earlier. ****

Jeri: Going into this match my hope was they could beat the living shit out of each other and breathe life back into this show. They certainly brought the expected physicality. There was chops, suplexes, powerbombs, both men hit their signature offense but were unable to get a victory. It would take Gunther hitting several big moves in a row (Big splash, lariat, powerbomb) to keep McIntyre down for the victory to keep his legendary I.C title reign going. I enjoyed it. I don’t know if the match reached the heights I was hoping it would reach, but it stayed consistent and entertaining enough throughout for me to give a thumbs up. Both men worked well together, and neither man was going to back down and not take their shots. After the stinker of the previous match this was appreciated, but I really truly think they could have a better match if given another chance. But credit where credit is due they got the crowd back into it after Ronda/Shayna figuratively had them leave. I don’t think this made it to **** stars but it was pretty close. The effort was there, just needed a higher gear for a bit longer. ***3/4

WWE World Heavyweight Title – Seth Rollins (c) def. Finn Balor

Sean: These two had an incredibly disappointing match at Money In The Bank last month. Can they put forth a better outing here? Time to find out. They went after each other straight away to kick this one off. Unfortunately, it sort of just….slowed down from there. Rollins connected with a Falcon Arrow, but Balor responds by targeting Seth’s shoulder. Finn then delivers the same buckle bomb into the barricade that Balor got injured on in his SummerSlam match with Rollins back in 2016. Back in the ring, and while Balor did continue to go after the shoulder, Rollins managed to mount a comeback. A pair of buckle bombs and a frog splash only manage to get a two count. From here, the two continue to go back-and-forth with move exchanges, and even though the crowd definitely isn’t dead, it doesn’t seem like they’ve recovered from the MMA Rules Match.

Rollins hits a Pedigree and only gets two. Damian Priest then comes down to ringside, and hits Seth while the referee wasn’t looking. Balor hits a Pedigree and only gets two. The crowd has really gotten up for the match now. Rhea Ripley and Dominik Mysterio come to ringside and distract the referee while Balor and Priest have another disagreement that leads to a nearfall for Rollins. After Dominik gets taken out, Priest distracts the referee, and Finn goes to use the Money In The Bank briefcase, but Seth gives him the stomp on the briefcase to score the victory. I thought it was incredibly funny that the crowd really wasn’t that invested in this match until Damian Priest came out to kick off all of the Judgment Day nonsense. The wrestling from start to finish was pretty good, and I did like the callback with the buckle bomb on the outside and Finn targeting Seth’s shoulder, though clearly the big story here was the ongoing dissension between Finn Balor and Damian Priest. This was definitely better than the aforementioned Money In The Bank bout, but it was still far from great. ***1/2

Jeri: Match was won by Rollins after Damian Priest puts the briefcase in the ring for Balor’s use but it backfires as Balor gets curb stomped on it. It should be noted Priest tried to encourage Balor to use the briefcase earlier in the match causing disagreement/miscommunication. I appreciate they went right at each other at the beginning of the match, even if things slowed down for a bit after that, as it felt like the correct way for this match to start off. There was a callback spot where Balor powerbombed Rollins into the barricade, just like Rollins did to Balor seven years ago which was a nice spot. The wrestling was solid to good, both people were putting in the work and effort to make this match worthwhile, and I think they succeeded. The Judgment Day shenanigans at the end should’ve been expected, but the crowd was really into it all so I can’t dislike it but so much. In the end I thought this was a good affair, I wouldn’t call it a great match, but it worked well in the end. *** ½

Suit Williams: Aaaah! What the hell! One minute, I’m riding with the Colliders watching a red-hot episode of Collision, the next I’m here listening to Detroit sing a song. My obligations as WWE Correspondent must have brought me here, so I guess I’ll hop on. This match was about the same quality as their match from last month, that being decent enough. Balor worked on the shoulder of Rollins, then powerbombed him into the barricade to go full circle on their feud from 2016. This match had a “1998 WCW” moment, where everyone was just waiting for the interference. It came when Damian Priest came out as Rollins was ready to hit the Curb Stomp. After that, the crowd got into the nearfalls, including a well-built Balor nearfall off of the Coup De Grace. Balor called for interference, so Priest threw the case in. Rollins then stomped Balor on the case to win and retain. No cash-in, just glares all around. Good stuff. ***1/2

WWE Women’s Title – Triple Threat Match – Bianca Belair def. Asuka (c) & Charlotte Flair

Sean: I’m not gonna lie….I completely forgot this match was happening. I was finishing my write-up on the Seth Rollins/Finn Balor match, and was mentally ready for the main event, but then Michael Cole declared that this Triple Threat Match was next. This has been a good show so far on the whole….but I’m also ready for it to be over. I don’t know what that says? Anyway, we’ve got Charlotte shoehorning herself into the title picture to force a Triple Threat Match (she has an annoying habit of doing that). These three start doing moves, but the crowd doesn’t care at all. They’re not dead silent….more like a soft murmur. I’m honestly struggling to come up with things to say at this point. The crowd just doesn’t care about any of this, and I’m struggling to care.

What’s making it worse is that Charlotte has been positively awful in this match. She did a moonsault to the floor that barely made any contact with (I think) Bianca, and then Asuka tries to follow up with a DDT off the top rope (Yoshinobu Kanemaru style), and Charlotte’s sell of the move was….a slow forward roll. I’m sorry, but Charlotte fucking stinks. At this point, I’m starting to think that match with Rhea Ripley at WrestleMania was a total fluke. She’s been terrible in this bout from the jump.

We get an injury spot with Bianca where they start to take her up the aisleway, but she comes back to the ring and breaks up a Charlotte Figure Eight with a 450 Splash. This was the first time in the entire match that the crowd popped for something. Charlotte would respond with a Figure Eight on the injured Bianca, and just as it appeared that Bianca was going to tap, Asuka came in and misted Charlotte. Asuka then went after Bianca, but she countered with a rollup to pin Asuka and capture the title. There were three moments that the crowd popped (the 450 Splash, the mist, and the title change). Otherwise, this match was fucking atrocious. The crowd, for the most part, did not care at all, and what these three women did for about 95% of this match could not get them into it. This was the second PPV in a row where both women’s matches totally shit the bed. They have some good pieces on the roster, without question (I’ll get to one of them in a second), but this WWE women’s division is VASTLY overrated, at least when it comes to these big spots as of late. This Triple Threat Match was just shy of twenty-one minutes long. TWENTY ONE MINUTES!! That’s twenty-one minutes of my life that I’ll never get back. *

Jeri: Two matches to go,  and I’m feeling exhausted. It’s been a pretty fun show though. Whew, the crowd was barely into this for whatever reason. All three are very talented in various ways, but there was major disconnects here. Something not clicking, not working. They did moves, they had spots,  it wasn’t as if nothing was going on, just there was a major lack of interest for the majority of the match which hurt it. Not even Charlotte’s patent top rope moonsault (That was a whiff) to the floor really achieved terribly much. You know what, I’ve been trying to avoid it, but this just isn’t entertaining. If I could safe word my way out of this match I would. Charlotte in particular wasn’t good. This match just kept going, and I felt myself wondering when it would end. This was not great. They did a injury angle with Bianca who was escorted out of the match but of course toughed her way back into it.  She 450ed Charlotte when she was doing the figure 8 which was easily the best spot in this match and earns it the one star. I will give credit, the crowd popped for Belair’s victory! Asuka cost Charlotte the match by blowing mist into Charlotte’s face when she had Belair in the figure 8, and then Belair rolled up Asuka. Good ending, done talking about this match, it wasn’t good. *

Suit: I’m sorry to call him out, but Sean is lying. There is no possible way this match was only 21 minutes long. This match started when Collision ended and kept going until the West Coast feed started an hour later. This was a clunky, heatless affair that annoyed me the longer it went on. I would have given it some grace for the finish, which saw an injured Belair hit a 450 on Charlotte as she had Asuka in the Figure Eight. But that wasn’t the finish. The actual finish, which was also pretty good, saw Asuka spit the mist in Charlotte’s eyes as she had Belair in the Figure Eight. Then, Belair caught Asuka with the inside cradle to win the title. When you have two ideas for a good finish, don’t do both of them.

WWE Women’s Title – Iyo Sky def. Bianca Belair (c)

Sean: I guess we should’ve seen this coming with the injury that Bianca Belair was selling during the match. Iyo Sky and Bayley run down the ring, and Iyo officially cashes in her Money In The Bank Briefcase. One moonsault later, and we have a new WWE Women’s Champion. Iyo celebrates with Bayley as well as Dakota Kai (who makes her first appearance since her knee injury a few months ago). I welcome this title change, as Iyo Sky is one of the few bright spots in the current WWE women’s division. I have full confidence that she can deliver strong women’s bouts on these PPVs going forward. With the news of KAIRI making her way back to WWE soon, I would fully support a match between her and Iyo on PPV. As for the Money In The Bank, Iyo continued the trend of a women’s MITB winner never failing on their cash-in attempt, so there’s that. No reason to rate this, as it lasted only a few seconds. N/R

Jeri: Well, this should’ve been expected. Iyo Sky’s cash in victory got a louder reaction than the entire match that preceded it. I AM TIRED of Money In The Bank cash ins of all kinds, but this popped the crowd and I’m happy to see Sky as champion, so fuck it. Iyo versus Bianca has potential though!  N/A

Suit: Then, Iyo Sky cashed in her briefcase and rendered all of it meaningless. I’m so done with Money In The Bank as a concept. If you want a big moment of Iyo Sky winning the Women’s Title at a show, just book her in a title match. Don’t waste my time pretending to do something else. All of Damage Control celebrated in the ring, a year after their debut. If you pretend the year in between didn’t happen, you can pretend that Damage Control was a success. *1/2 for the whole thing

Undisputed WWE Universal Title and the Recognition of Tribal Chief – Tribal Combat – Roman Reigns (c) def. Jey Uso

Sean: Oh boy. It’s time for some cinema! This feud has been a deep, personal rivalry between cousins, and we’re only a few weeks removed from Roman Reigns and Solo Sikoa taking out Jey Uso’s twin brother Jimmy. How does it start, you ask? INCREDIBLY slow….near snail’s pace. It finally picks up with a dive from Jey to the floor that was a little sloppy (Roman looked out of position). Jey sends Roman into the steps, and the crowd EXPLODES when Jey brings out a table. Roman managed to regain control after sending Jey into the stairs. Jey starts to fight back, but Roman busts out a kendo stick and starts going to town on his cousin. A few moments later, Jey finds an opening and goes to town with the same kendo stick before a big dive to the floor. A nice moment there, though it hasn’t exactly been a thrilling match thus far.

Roman cuts off this rally by Jey with a Superman Punch. Jey responds with a superkick and an Uso Splash for a close nearfall. He then brings out a chair and starts nailing Roman as Paul Heyman is near tears….begging Jey to stop. Jey brings out more chairs and tries for a superplex, but Roman slips out and hit a powerbomb onto the chairs for a nearfall. Roman brings a second table in the ring. The two then battle by the ropes before Jey connects with an extremely slow Samoan Drop through a table. Jey starts whipping Roman with a leather strap, which leads to a CROWD BRAWL (please end this match) that leads to Solo Sikoa getting involved. They get back in the ring, and as Roman and Solo are about to hit a double team, Jey moves, and Roman hits Solo. A spear from Jey only gets two. A few moments later, Solo and Roman have an argument that leads to a spear through the barricade by Jey. He then gets a measure of revenge on Solo with a splash through the announce desk. Jey spears Roman, hits a big splash, and is about to win, but then someone pulls Jey out of the ring. IT’S A VINCE RUSSO SWERVE!! Jimmy Uso turned on his brother after Roman and Solo took him out a few weeks ago. A spear through the table and that’s it.

So you’re telling me that the main event of this show is a slow, plodding, WWE style hardcore match, complete with a walk-n-brawl somewhere in the middle, and it ends in a legitimate Vince Russo-style swerve….straight out of 2000 WCW or the worst of Russo-era TNA….with Jimmy Uso turning on Jey after getting STRETCHERED OUT when Roman and Solo took him out on SmackDown a few weeks back?! What an absolute joke of a main event this was. I know people love this Bloodline story, but I have no idea how anybody in their right mind can possibly defend this crap. This match was a complete and utter bore for well over thirty minutes (yes, it was over a half-hour long, but it felt WAAAY longer), and the fact that it all ended in a Vince Russo swerve that made zero sense was the cherry on top of this enormous shit sundae. So what…was Jimmy in on this the whole time? What could possibly be the reason for this turn after what happened a few weeks ago, and after the match they had at Money In The Bank? It doesn’t matter what they come up with, because it’s going to suck, and every single fool that throws roses at this storyline is going to eat it up anyway. This main event was total garbage. Plain and simple.

Don’t kid yourselves. This isn’t cinema. It’s not even a Direct-To-DVD movie. It’s extremely bad community theater. Always has been. Fuck this company for making me waste a half-hour of my Saturday Night. The women’s triple threat was already a worst match of the year contender, and this main event somehow found a way to be even worse. FUCKING DUD

Jeri: No one acknowledges me :(. So what twist and turn, what plot twist, what plot point occurred? What was a moment in this match that caused us to sip our fine wines, wipe a tear from our left eye, and slowly applaud as we whisper in awe…… “cinema”. . . . I’m just fucking with you. Anyway as for actually commenting on the match, it started very slow and plodding, and then kind of kept that speed mostly throughout. Not much interesting went on, which isn’t what you want to be said when you are fighting a blood feud. Kendo Sticks, Chairs, Tables all come into play but they only succeed here and there at small pockets of excitement, and not much of it at that. They end up in the crowd 15 or so minutes into the match and Solo Sikoa gets involves and puts Jay through a table. Solo continues to beat up Jay inside of the ring, and I need to point out if this is cinema, it’s bad B roll footage cinema. The crowd did come quite alive when Jay speared Roman for two. I’m trying to get through this. . . Solo gets put through a commentator table. Jay comes close to winning and then Jimmy Uso in a HA HA SWERVE pulls out Jay and superkicks him. So stupid. So stupid. If this is cinema, I hate movies. Of course Roman Reign wins in what was a boring, plodding, and eventually stupid main event. What more do you want from me? Analysis? Critique? YOU’LL GET NOTHING AND LIKE IT! Stop calling this dumb shit cinema, it’s just pro-wrestling, and on this night it couldn’t even do that well. DUD

Suit: I did my best to be as complimentary as I could be with the Bloodline stuff in my preview of this show for the site. And I meant what I said. I would do some things differently, and the first few years of this thing were dull and annoying, but the storyline has been pretty well booked since Sami Zayn got involved. With all that said, this was the biggest pieces of dogshit I’ve seen in a main event in a long time.

Reigns works his main events at a snail’s pace, and Jey Uso wasn’t going to up the pace. Pair that with Paul Heyman at ringside, and these were all the worst traits of the Bloodline. The crowd of 58,000 in Ford Field didn’t really care that much in the early going either, as the biggest pop of the night was for a table coming out. This was a plodding brawl that ended in the crowd, where Solo Sikoa entered scene and jumped Jey. They fought 2-on-1 until Sikoa got annoyed with Reigns for some reason, leading to Jey spearing Reigns through the barricade. Jey put Solo through the announce table, then hit a superkick and a splash. One, two, Jey gets pulled out of the ring. Who did it? Why was Jimmy Uso! Who got taken out by Reigns and Solo a month ago! Who is now helping them win? Spear through a table, the Reigns of Terror continues.

Fonzie has jumped the shark. The story has now taped over itself, like a well-used VHS tape. We’re in the NWO 2000 portion of this story. The match was bad. The turn made no sense. But it will keep going because the story never ends. The Usos will reunite. The story never ends. Solo will turn on Reigns. The story never ends. They’ll all turn on Heyman. The story never ends. It will go on, and on, and on, and on. The only choice left for fans like us is to stop reading it. DUD