Brock Lesnar def. Rey Mysterio
December 11, 2003

WWE SmackDown

I’m told we live in a post-Brock world.  We’re bored of the barrel-chested behemoth marching to the ring to take the souls of the true workers of this business.  Loyal employees of World Wrestling Entertainment make towns every night for us, the WWE Universe, only to be laid out by a part timer with a handled dildo tattooed to his chest.  It’s just all a bit unfair isn’t it?

No, it’s not.  It’s the WWE.  It stinks and it’s not wrestling.  Modern Brock is one of the few things worth watching, as he seems to be the only person they dare let do something that might tickle the teat and make something interesting.  He’s one of the few vestiges of a WWF I used to watch as a child.  A breathing, superhuman spectacle.  Not because of good booking (although, shockingly, dominance has helped him), but because he is inherently cartoonish.  He is big in a way that no other human is, expresses himself like Frankenstein’s Monster after his first bubble of emotion and, most importantly, does cool shit.

Brock rules.  I was glad to receive a Brock match that I hadn’t seen. By 2003, I was far too clever for WWE.  I was deep into high school by that point, and the WWE had become old hat.  The quips of Jesse Ventura that had soundtracked my childhood were echoes from another life, and I was busy pretending I was into poetry or something.  It’s one of my life’s biggest regrets, but with the internet storing everything that has ever happened I can use times like this to crawl some of the time back.

This match is exactly what WWE should lean into.  It was a spectacle.  It was silly.  It was a giant facing off against the little man, with added sprinklings of overwrought melodrama.  Did Rey’s family really need to be ringside to see this?  Of course not, but the borderline neglectful parenting was the gravy this roast dinner needed. It was very simple,  emotions boiled over and it was accessible. Seeing Dominik was a treat, as he showed he is no better a performer now as he was then.

The crowd were red hot throughout and it was so captivating to see Brock bounce around with his arrogant grin.  I loved the concept of the big man getting his comeuppance and even an inexplicable 619 around a post had the crowd eating out of their hands.

I really think some wrestlers should watch how Mysterio sold the kickouts here.  Yes, he was shocked, but it was mixed with determination and a will to win.  At no point did he scan for the  camera or hold his hand in hands.

A very enjoyable match that made me wish WWE put more effort into the whole wrestling thing.

I’m guessing Suit Williams gave me this match, as he is currently working through his excellent Brockumetary series.