WWE Royal Rumble 2019
January 27, 2019
Watch: WWE Network
Meet our reviewers:
- Joel Abraham is helping Ryo Hazuki to avenge the murder of Ryo’s father by dedicating hours towards assembling the finest collection of gashapon toy capsules he could using the yen accumulated at his forklift truck job at the harbour. When Lan Di sees that Ryo owns the entire set of Virtua Fighter, Virtua Fighter Kids, Sonic the Hedgehog, Excite Sega World, vehicle and port-related toys, he is sure to be so impressed that he will apologise to Ryo and offer to buy him a consolidatory tin of Grape Fruda, which must be consumed immediately next to the vending machine from which it is purchased. Ooargh! Ahh, good. @joeljabraham
- Griffin Peltier: Griffin hasn’t watched WWE in forever. Will anybody be able to throw Aoiyama over the top rope?!?! Give him a follow on the Tweeter @Hollywd12… or don’t. Your call.
- Kelly Harrass: The one true squire to Lord Titan returns to bring the hottest and most correct takes to the Royal Rumble. Follow Kelly on Twitter @comicgeekelly.
- Paul Völsch: Hasn’t watched any WWE show since August. Hopes for the debut of Hikaru Sato and has good money bet on him winning the rumble. Don’t follow him on twitter.
Bobby Roode & Chad Gable def. Rezar & Scott Dawson
Griffin Peltier: When did James Storm become an Olympian? This was very basic, as was the story of the Frankenteam of Rezar and Dawson. A few weird mistimings, including a very awkward pin exchange at the end between Roode and Dawson. It happened. **
Paul Völsch: Why is this match happening? Now I could come up with something to write about this match, but then I would put more effort into this than WWE did. *
US Championship: Shinsuke Nakamura def. Rusev (c)
Griffin Peltier: This was a lot better than I thought it would be. Shinsuke Nakamura didn’t phone it in completely and Rusev was a good foil. A very good kickoff match but the finish was WWE 101. Nakamura goes to cheat, Lana calls him out, and then Rusev accidentally pushes Lana off the rope. Distraction leads to a Nakamura knee, you get it. “United States of Nakamerica” is a terrible phrase though. ***
Kelly Harrass: I was busy eating an entire pizza.
Paul Völsch: Lana is dressed as Ms Claus for some reason. This was a perfectly acceptable match. Nakamura was putting at least a minimum of effort, but it is definitely sad to see how far he has fallen within one year. He is essentially wearing a onesie now. Rusev still is a hard worker and rarely gets rewarded for it. He loses the title here so we’ll see where both men go from here. ***
Fatal four-way for the WWE Cruiserweight Championship: Buddy Murphy © def. Akira Tozawa, Hideo Itami, and Kalisto
Griffin Peltier: I’m a huge fan of cruiserweight/junior wrestling, so this was a fun match to watch. All four competitors were given time to shine and showcase what they can do. The crowd was hot down the line and some of the strikes in this one sounded great. Buddy Murphy is great and has a real presence in the ring. Never underestimate the Cruiserweights, they always deliver. ****
Kelly Harrass: I’m drunk on cheese and ready for a nap, to be honest. Jesus take the wheel.
Paul Völsch: This was a lot of fun. Great way to get the crowd on their feet. Lots of great spots and no down periods. Perfect match for a pre show. Hideo Itami isn’t what he once was, but he did well here. Tozawa and Kalisto got their moments to shine as well. Ultimately though Buddy started spamming knees Kento Miyahara style and then put down Itami with his great looking finisher. *** 1/2
SmackDown Women’s Championship: Asuka © def. Becky Lynch
Joel Abraham: Good morning everyone. Why is the entrance so tiny? Anyway, this was a great opener. They were given plenty of time to go out there and put on hot, well-paced match sprinkled with a few nasty bumps. The closing few minutes with the submission reversals was very compelling. This not only helps to rehab Asuka after an unbalanced 2018, but now puts Becky in a very interesting spot. Hopefully it won’t be the last we see of her tonight. ****
Griffin Peltier: A fantastic opener for the pay-per-view proper. It started out a little slow but the action picked up a few minutes in and things were insane from there. There was great back-and-forth exchanges in between some nasty bumps and some stiff strikes. The closing stretch was hot and had the crowd invested. Good stuff. ****1/2
Kelly Harrass: At first I questioned the wisdom of starting the show with this match as opposed to one of the Rumble’s, but I was quickly shown why they made the choice they did. These two women came out swinging with one of the stiffest WWE matches I’ve seen in some time. While the start may have been a bit slow, I never found myself bored by the match. As it went on, things just ramped up until we got to the frantic closing stretch. Asuka picks up the win with a modified Asuka Lock/Cattle Mutilation mashup which looked so painful that Becky loses nothing by tapping out here. Fantastic opener! ****¼
Paul Völsch: The match started off a little slow, but then picked up significantly down the stretch. A very stiff match and they managed to really get the crowd invested down the stretch. These two are two of the best wrestlers in WWE and they put on a great performance. The finishing sequence with both just trading submissions and flash pin attempts was awesome. Asuka manages to retain her title here, but it felt like it could have gone either way. ****
SmackDown Tag Team Championships: The Miz and Shane McMahon def. The Bar (Cesaro and Sheamus) (c)
Joel Abraham: I’ve decided I like the tiny entrance because usually WWE programming has huge brightly coloured screens everywhere that give me a headache. Seeing Cesaro have to sell Shane McMahon attacks makes me sad. I don’t know why Shane and Miz are a team, and I don’t know why Shane is wrestling in prominent spots. And oh god Shane pinned Cesaro. The match was fine, I guess, but using this amount of resources in 2019 to feed Shane’s ego is bad and stupid. **1/2
Griffin Peltier: I hope Shane McMahon jumps off the giant lighting rig they have set up over the ring. The Miz and Shane McMahon is one of the weirdest team combinations I have ever seen and are somehow tag team champions in 2019. This was a decent match but nothing really stuck out. They teased the signature Shane spot through the announce table but never followed through with it – which is weird because why else would somebody want to watch a Shane McMahon match? All four guys tried but it didn’t really connect. Gentlemen’s ***.
Kelly Harrass: This match kicked off with a reminder that Shane McMahon is a real shooter and is probably Inoki’s favorite wrestler in WWE. I’m very excited for Shane to run NXT Japan and just replicate that year or we got of IGF’s NEW offshoot. As a whole, this match over delivered on expectations and was actually kind of good. I suppose it helps that going into this I totally expected a train wreck. Big ups to Shane for not dying on that SSP. ***
Paul Völsch: Shane McMahon is a talent free product of nepotism. Is Cesaro’s shoulder just permanently taped up? I’m sure its been that way for five years now. Highlight of the match was Miz’s dad being ringside. This match was just boring and I already forgot most the things that happened in the match. *
Raw Women’s Championship: Ronda Rousey © def. Sasha Banks
Joel Abraham: This was a strange match. The crowd seemed dead throughout, even at the finish. I liked the story they told, with Sasha being able to match Ronda for submissions but Rousey finally using her power to overcome Sasha in the end. I also liked the bit where Ronda smacked the screen post thing and then someone backstage pressed the button a couple of seconds too late to make it flicker and die. Some of the spots might have gone a bit smoother but overall I thought it was enjoyable enough. ***1/4
Griffin Peltier: I really liked the story told throughout the match where Sasha really studied Ronda’s game prior to the match in order to be ready. That’s smart and simple storytelling. The match, however, was sloppy at times but it worked a bit. I felt like there was a bit of a lull in the action in the middle but the match picked up at the end. Sasha’s armbar with Rousey’s arm being fully stretched out was a good visual and made me squirm because I hate that. The camera work was terrible at the end, missing the impact of Ronda’s finish. Not a MOTY contender but still a good match all in all. ***1/2
Kelly Harrass: I found myself incredibly disappointed by this match. There were some cool moments, but everything else was so unpolished that I wasn’t able to enjoy the whole. Sasha can be a fairly sloppy wrestler and that just didn’t work with Ronda in the way that it did in Sasha’s series of matches with Charlotte. Ronda has been very impressive in her rookie year, but I thought this was her weakest performance by far. **½
Paul Völsch: This match was the opposite of the other women’s title match. This one started off strong and then just petered off. Still Ronda is impressive given that this event marks one year since her debut. Nevertheless this match under delivered for me. **1/2
Becky Lynch wins the 2019 Women’s Royal Rumble
Joel Abraham: The first half of this was laughably bad, with constant botches, blown spots and shitty camerawork. Charlotte and Lacey Evans seem to have a feud brewing because they’re both blonde and tall? I also want to take this opportunity to say that Xia Lee is my favourite wrestler of all time. 我爱你。The first genuinely good bit was Naomi doing a pretty spectacular job avoiding elimination with a Kofi-esque spot of athleticism only for the already-eliminated Mandy Rose to yank her off the apron and eliminate her. This is followed by Alicia Fox and and Maria Kanellis having a disagreement over a hat. The second great moment is Zelina Vega with the Street Fighter II Vega cosplay, which rules. Hopefully she climbs up the ropes and does an Izuna Drop on somebody. That said, she needs to be careful if she does that gimmick in Japan, because that character is known as Balrog, whereas Vega is the dictator character we know as M. Bison. In Japan, M. Bison is the boxer that we call Balrog. He was a thinly-veiled Mike Tyson reference (Mike Bison) but they were worried that they’d run into legal troubles in the USA, so they mixed the names around. What were we talking about again? Is this match still happening? Hornswoggle makes an appearance because ??? Anyway we eventually get to the end and it looks for a brief moment that we’re not going to get the Becky Lynch return, but it is eventually delivered via a convoluted injury angle. Definitely the right booking decision, but how do you star rate such a wildly inconsistent match? For the most part it was extremely sloppy, but I was entertained throughout and it delivered a satisfying conclusion, so ***
Griffin Peltier: Lacey Evans was #1 and got absolutely no reaction when she came out. She cut a promo and the one to cut her off? Natalya to no reaction. TIL Shawn Michaels does not teach the art of the kip up at the PC. By the way, there’s two dudes cosplaying as Hulk Hogan and Ultimate Warrior in the crowd, Warrior guys has no shirt and is wearing a replica belt – it’s awesome. Ember Moon entered and they cut to a huge CGI moon for some reason. #10 is Tamina and this is on track to be the worst Rumble ever. Hopefully it picks up. Xia Li. The action picked up a bit quality wise when Charlotte Flair entered but this is still not living up to last year’s Rumble. Maria Kanellis entered at #15, meaning we’re thankfully halfway through the match. I really hope this improves. Mandy Rose ruined Naomi’s Kofi spot – which is good storytelling and might be the first positive of this match. Candice LeRae is here! That’s cool. Alicia Fox had a freakout. That’s not cool. Kacy Catanzaro of Ninja Warrior fame is in this too. #20 is Zelina Vega and this match has not improved. Kacy, who has been training for like a year now, has been the most impressive woman in this match so far. Ruby Riott entered and she had Lorgan and Morgan beat people up for her. Io Shirai joined the match and kicked ass with a moonsault to the outside that should have eliminated her if the rules were followed. Rhea Ripley is #24 and she has the best entrance music of the entire women’s division. It actually has a punch to it. HORNSWOGGLE got the pop of the match. The match picked up a bit with Alexa Bliss’ entrance followed by Bayley. Nia Jax entered at #29 to absolutely no reaction at all. Literal silence. Carmella entered at #30 but Becky Lynch entered after injured Lana was taken out. Lynch was the most over person in this entire match. The match has been pretty good since #25 or so, but the crowd has been totally invested since Becky entered. She is the most over person on this entire roster. Final two was Becky Lynch and Charlotte with Lynch working an injured leg angle. Good back and forth to end things and the right person won, but holy shit was this match terrible overall. This ranged from a -** to a DUD to finally finishing as a *¼ thanks to everything from the final five entrants or so.
***** for them finding a way to get the winner to point at a WrestleMania graphic at the end of the match.
Kelly Harrass: Just letting you know ahead of time, my Rumble reviews are written totally stream of consciousness. What a dumb hat Lacy Evans has on. Oh god, Nattie is number two. What if Ronda actually convinced them to do the match with her at Mania?! Mandy comes in and that means that it’s time for the yearly double sharpshooter spot. Liv Morgan makes her entrance and I really hope we see the return of the dead dad table tonight. Liv is quickly eliminated like she’s a Bushwacker or something. Mickie James and her awful damn music enters at five. Ember Moon got a rad 3D moon for her entrance, which is the best thing to happen so far in this match. Billie Kay’s playing it smart by not entering the match until her partner enters. The match continues to move at a glacial pace.
Nikki Cross makes her crazy way to the ring and she’s about a month off from loving to have fun. Whoops, never mind, they already said she’s having fun. Enjoy being dead in the water, Nikki! The other Iikonic or however they spell it is here now and we’re getting to the point where we need a monster to throw people out. Enter: Tamina to get a “sorry your dad was a murderer that we did a poor job of covering up for” elimination spree. Xia Lee makes her entrance and I’ll be very upset if she gets fed to Tamina.
Business picks up when Charlotte shows up and she beats up everybody. She eliminates Xia and I’ll accept that. Lacy Evans is still in this match and what the hell is that? Kairi Sane makes her entrance and thankfully Tamina gets eliminated before she even gets in the ring so I won’t be driven insane. Charlotte and Kairi light each other up like they’re Daisuke Sekimoto and Kohei Sato. Let’s get a single match ASAP. Naomi does her version of the Kofi spot and made a legitimate very impressive jump from the guard rail to the ring steps, only to get pulled down by the recently eliminated Mandy Rose. Then Lacy Evans got dumped out, thank god.
Not gonna lie, watching Maria dominate Kairi is so goddamn unbelievable. I see Alicia Fox is back to her crazy gimmick. Maria attacks Fox’s hat. Fox throws a tantrum. I’m very confused as to what’s happening right now. Maria is eliminated as Kacy [i don’t know how to spell her last name] enters the match. Zelina Vega and Jamie Lee Curtis have the same taste in Street Fighter cosplay. Ruby Riott and friends attack Charlotte. Hopefully they’ll grab a table with a Ric Flair Fathead on it. Holy shit, remember Dana Brooke? Kairi Sane takes a rough bump getting eliminated and now I’m sad. Oh wait, here comes Io, I’m happy again. Io hits a sick moonsault on the Riott Squad. Rhea Ripley gets a quick bit of offense, but she’s quickly overshadowed by Kacy’s rad escape from elimination.
Sonya Deville’s entrance is about the time that I remember Charlotte is still in this match. She’s been a total non-factor. Suddenly we get an appearance from strange pervert Hornswaggle, who chases Zelina Vega out from under the ring and out of the match. Alexa Bliss makes her return and that’s pretty cool. I’m starting to get worn out from writing this, but Lana’s amazing music gives me life. Burrrrdadurdadurbrurburburderder
Nia Jax attacks Lana, dashing my dreams of hearing her music again. Jax plays the role of the monster, dumping a bunch of people out. To the surprise of no one, Becky walks out and demands Lana’s spot. Who is Fit Finlay to deny Becky the chance to beat the shit out of Nia Jax? The crowd goes nuts for Becky, as they should, honestly. We’re at the final three and I have to pee very badly. Looks like I managed to make it to the bathroom and back without missing anything. In a great moment, Becky gets her revenge by eliminating Jax, but quickly after, Jax pushes her off the ring steps, hurting Lynch’s knee. Now Becky has one more odd to overcome in this battle of the final two with Charlotte. The final stretch of this match was awesome. I put the phone down to just enjoy it and Becky’s victory was pretty much perfect. As good as the finish was though, this wasn’t a very good Rumble. It was largely forgettable and downright bad at times. The great finish saved this Rumble from being a DUD. **½
Paul Völsch: Hell Yeah Rumble Time! Oh shit it’s Bret Hart. No wait its just Natalya. Pretty sloppy so far and Mandy Rose being next isn’t going to help. Liv gets santioned. This is just a big pile of nothing so for. Hopefull,y Ember Moon can add some spice to the match. Nikki Cross comes out and runs wild on everyone, but manages to eliminate no one in the process. Peyton Roice is the choice.
Tamina is legitimately awful and so is this match. Xia Lee as the first genuine surprise so far and she is adding some fire to the match. Nikki Cross takes a nasty looking bump and is eliminated. Here comes Charlotte Reigns. Kairi Sane comes in as Tamina gets eliminated. Thats a great exchange right there and can only help the match. Sane faces off with Charlotte, which is a great choice. Naomi does the Kofi spot of almost getting eliminated before balancing on the barricade to jump back in, but then gets pulled off by Mandy Rose anyway. First great spot of the match.
Alicia Fox throws a tantrum after Maria stomps on her hat for reasons. Next up is someone from American Ninja Warrior okay then. Zelina Vega comes out dressed as Vega from Street Fighter making her my favorite. That was quite a sprint from Dana Brooke down the entrance way. She is likely one of the most impressive athletes in WWE. She just never managed to make use of it in her wrestling. Next up is Lo Shirai. The woman from American Ninja Warrior just had an even more impressive non elimination spot than Naomi. Vega had been hiding under the ring but gets chased out by Hornswoggle of all people. Back in the ring she quickly gets tossed by Rhea Ripley. Its Bailey. Lana comes out and she plays up an ankle injury I smell a storyline here. Especially once Nia Jax comes out and just beats her up further. Carmella comes out at number 30 to the sound of silence. But here comes Becky Lynch and takes Lana’s spot.
The Man does it! After some back and forth she manages to throw out Charlotte. This match is weird to rate. The first half of the match was atrocious but everything from Becky entering was great. Match overall: DUD; Finish: ****
WWE Championship: Daniel Bryan © def. AJ Styles
Joel Abraham: That match was terrible. Just terrible. Maybe it’s on me for having high expectations from two wrestlers who used to have brilliant matches, but this was slow, boring and perfunctory. Two guys just going through the motions in front of a dead crowd with no sense of pace, urgency or creativity. And not even a clean finish. WWE – where good wrestlers go to die. *
Griffin Peltier: Daniel Bryan is not the heel in this one!!! Well worked at times but this was extremely slow and killed the crowd. Some cool moves but nothing that sticks out. Erick Rowan came out and planted AJ Styles with a facepalm chokeslam to allow THE NEW Daniel Bryan to win. Erick Rowan and Daniel Bryan are a team now and I betcha we’re going to see them eat avocado toast on SmackDown this week. *1/2
Kelly Harrass: The best part of this match was when I noticed the guy with a sign that said “Now that’s a spicy meatball!” Everything else was boring garbage that killed the crowd. Then Erick Rowan came out in a plaid shirt and is Daniel’s friend now. My rating:
My review of Bryan/AJ pic.twitter.com/BZencpWFqk
— Kelly Harrass (@comicgeekelly) January 28, 2019
Paul Völsch: This match was a hot steaming pile of shit. The crowd couldn’t care less and AJ was just going through the motions. This was overly long and pointless. Cut out 15 minutes from this and we can all go to bed earlier. Then Erick Rowan of all people comes out and is now aligned with Bryan. Fuck this. Leave it to WWE to turn two of the best wrestlers ever into complete garbage. DUD
WWE Universal Championship: Brock Lesnar © def. Finn Bálor
Joel Abraham: This was exactly what it needed to be – a short, violent sprint. You can see that Brock respects Balor and thus let him get in plenty of offence. Brock’s selling is excellent. The match was laid out in a very similar manner to Jordan Devlin v WALTER from OTT last year, with Finn going at Brock at 100mph to blitz him early. I nearly bought the false finish with the Coup de Grace until it was reversed brilliantly into the Kimura lock for the tap. Great match, perfect pace and length. ****1/4
Griffin Peltier: “The Extraordinary Man Who Can Do Extraordinary Things”. Exactly what this match needed to be. Quick, violent, and realistic affair. Brock Lesnar sold like a champ and Finn was super believable as somebody who could win. Well thought out and fantastically done in ring. Awesome stuff. Perfect for a Brock Lesnar/Finn Balor fight. *****
Kelly Harrass: This match was awesome. Brock Lesnar took an ass kicking from Finn and then pulled out the win at the very last second with a submission. This was the complete opposite of the previous matc. Here there wasn’t a second wasted. It was an extraordinary match in terms of the level of productivity of both men. Finn comes out of this match looking like a credible challenge to the title and Brock walks out looking like Brock. It was everything that it needed to be. ****¼
Paul Völsch: Did you know that Finn Bálor is small? This match was exactly what it needed to be. A quick breathless sprint. Bálor threw everything he had at Brock and had him at the edge of defeat. He had answer for everything Brock was trying to do and even had a beautiful counter to the F5. But in the end one small lapse allowed Brock to lock in the Kimura and tap him out. ****1/2
Seth Rollins wins the 2019 Men’s Royal Rumble
Joel Abraham: This was the opposite of the women’s rumble, which was shitty but fun. This was competent but boring and soulless. There were a few fun moments, but I genuinely think Jarrett was the best part of it. It was a bit interesting in the middle when it was full of good wrestlers, even if they weren’t actually doing anything that good. Having Nia steal the #30 spot and then get double-teamed by Rey and Orton was very strange and bad. To me, this match was WWE main roster in a nutshell: tons of talented guys thrown together without any real direction or creative freedom, spinning their wheels, and in the end nobody gets over and the whole thing is a forgettable waste of time. **1/2
Griffin Peltier: I really liked this Royal Rumble match. The action was fun and it was fast paced throughout. Jeff Jarrett was a good surprise to kick things off and things got better from there. There wasn’t many jobber entries and even those meant something to the overall quality of the match. Nia Jax stealing the #30 spot was weird, but I can understand why they did it even if it fell flat. Nia hurt Becky earlier in the night, so this was the big comeuppance moment for Jax but the crowd didn’t care. Andrade, Ali, and other of the next generation of stars shone in the match but holy hell did this PPV go on forever that nobody seemed to care that they shone and did great work. Other than the length of the show as a whole and the weird closing stretch, this was a fun Rumble and completely different than the Women’s Rumble. Good stuff but not the best Rumble ever. ***3/4
Kelly Harrass: Back to stream of consciousness. I like Elias, but we really don’t need him to have a segment to make this show even longer. OH MY GOD DOUBLE J! WHAT A WORKER! Please try to sell Elias some Global Force Gold! Jarrett is the first man eliminated, but he is still the ultimate winner. Nakamura holding Elias’ hands as he walks across the ropes in the goddamn Royal Rumble is some of the dumbest shit I’ve ever seen. Kurt Angle is here and he needs to stop. Look, this review is probably going to be shorter than the one I did for the women’s Rumble. I’m really running out of steam.
Johnny Gargano is the first NXT entrant and he’s here to make violent faces and kick ass. And he never runs out of violent faces. Jinder and his Jipples are in the house now! Then he’s out of the house pretty quickly as Johnny eliminates him. Samoa Joe enters and throws his towel at Big E before beating some people up. I appreciate a towel based distraction. I was sad to see Seth Rollins eliminate his son, Elias.
Titus and Hawkins have shenanigans under the ring that eventually result in both their eliminations. Michael Cole says that Kofi is making his 12th Rumble appearance and that’s insane to me. In this moment, I feel myself growing old and dying. Mustafa Ali enters at 13, thus killing my theory of his dark horse victory. Good god, I forgot that No Way Jose existed. There was a guy in his conga line that I thought was Darby Allin for a second. The next big entrance is Pete Dunne and it’s super cool to get to see him in there with Samoa Joe. Then we get Dunne vs. Almas and I’d like a singles match ASAP. Aleister Black is the next NXT entrant. Hopefully this means that he’s headed to the main roster now. Actually no, don’t do that. He’ll just get lost up there. Black did score a pretty big elimination though by tossing out Ambrose. Ali followed that up by eliminating Samoa Joe. Maybe he’ll make it through after all.
A bunch of time has passed. Braun tossed out a bunch of dudes and I’m really fading. I’ve been watching this for over five hours now and I just want to not be watching this anymore. Five plus hours is way too much. Randy Orton isn’t going to do anything to keep me awake. Golden Crisp. Wait, Nia Jax is entering the Rumble? The Saudi overlords must have convinced them to do intergender again. Nia eliminated Ali so now this is all actually bad. Man, Jerry Lawler sure loves laughing when a woman gets hit. The only time he’s happier is when he’s got ahold of their shoes.
Look, Braun’s winning this. Who gives a shit what else happens? I guess Rollins could win too. Shit giving recommence. Rollins wins by curb stomping Braun on the ring apron. It was probably a good finish, but I honestly could not care less about this match at this point. WWE shows do not need to be this long. Thank god it’s over. **
Paul Völsch: ITS JEFF JARRETT! THIS IS THE GREATEST RUMBLE EVER. Six stars already. Booo Jeff gets eliminated immediately. TThat’s-6 stars. Out next is Knackermura. Then we get Kurt Angle. Very former Impact Wrestling heavy rumble so far. I keep thinking that Elias is Drew Galloway. Mahal comes in but gets eliminated by Johnny Gargano immediately. Remember when people pretended that Jinder was good? More Impact representation as Samoa Joe comes out next.
Rollins enters in his grape Fanta flavored gear. Mustafa Ali eliminated Knackermura so that looks to be the US title program then. So far this rumble has been a lot of fun. Drew McIntyre kills No Way Jose and a bunch of his jobbers on the way to the ring. Then he continues to lay waste to everyone in the ring. I drifted off here for a bit and when I come back Shelton Benjamin is coming out. Wait Shelton Benjamin is still employed? Baron Corbin is next ugh. Jeff Hardy has turned into a lobster. Next up who is it? Who is the code? By god its Bobby Lashley. He gets eliminated immediately and then takes out Rollins. Braun then joins the match and just takes out some fools. Hiss Hiss its the snake man Randal. R-Truth comes out but gets taken out and replaced by Nia Jax. What? Anyway once she is eliminated we get down to the finishing stretch. All the geeks get tossed and we finish off with Rollins vs Braun. Rollins wins. Ok rumble that started off strong and then only had an ok ending. Kind of like the show overall. See you next year. ***