WrestleMania weekend has become a behemoth beyond itself, even rivaling the festivities put on by WWE.

We are now a decade into Mania-adjacent shows and they have a determinate feel — there are the wrestling heavy shows of Ring of Honor and Gabe Sapolsky-led companies. The tribute shows that get people who want to see Jeff Jarrett and the like and the goofy late-night shows which cater to the fans with an unconcealed wrestling itch.

The 2017 WrestleMania Weekend is like the ones before it, but at the same time, we are in a period of excess. The amount of shows is so massive that our own dear Flagship podcast had to split into a two-part five-hour extravaganza to cover all the shows going on in Orlando this week. However, one show out of all of this weekend has stood out.

What is it about Joey Janela’s Spring Break that interests so many people? It’s simple, really. He has the indie stars like you’d normally see at EVOLVE and other “superindies” but also the old-timers you’d expect at the annual WrestleCon SuperShow. The show even has the level of camp that Kaiju Big Battel has had in year’s past.

Really though, it’s because Janela and Game Changer Wrestler has realized the ideal of fandom for ‘Mania weekend. When given the opportunity, I jumped at the review for that reason in particular. Wrestling is ridiculous. We treat it as a hidden secret that we hide from our budding relationships and only reveal, often with shame, in time. We want our super-matches. We want to honor the past. And we want to see clusterfucks.

Game Changer Wrestling
Joey Janela’s Spring Break
March 30, 2017
Orlando Events Center

Watch: FloSlam.TV

I’m not going to bother to go move-by-move for this show. It’d be a complete disservice to what Joey Janela is trying to promote here. It’s Spring Break. It’s a party. So I’m going to treat it like that. I’m writing this part during EVOLVE 80, which has been a great show of the physicality and emotion of wrestling. I doubt Joey Janela’s Spring Break is going to be like that. Sure there will be moments of it, but it’s going to be a good time more so than anything. So I’m going to imbibe (liberally, as one should do at an idealized Spring Break), and I’m going to try to impart what I experience. It’s Spring Break at WrestleMania Weekend and it’s time to enjoy it.

I’m starting this evening off with a homemade classic 4Loko (Monster Ultra, Vodka, Energy Mio on ice). I feel like if it were an option to have an actual 4Loko of during Joey Janela’s Spring Break, they’d sell them by the dozens. Let’s see where the evening takes us.

Update: It is now 23:35. I was dumb and I drank two fancy beers after the self-made 4Loko (Brooklyn Sorachi Ace. Tremendous if you like Saisons/Farmhouse Ales.) I feel like I’m ready to accurately review this show. I’m switching to PBR. I think this is what both Joey Janela and Marty Jannetty would want. Personally, I’m a Miller High Life man, but I’m not one to insult my company. I feel a moderate warmth that is relative to how people feel on a March evening on the I-4 corridor. I’ve spent plenty of time in Florida. Enough to know what Florida Man knows. I’m not going to bite a man’s face, but I once worked somewhere three blocks from where the infamous homeless man, hopped up on bath salts did do that infamous deed. So I feel enough a familiar deed to be the person willing to do this review. Miami and South Florida are a weird place only known to itself. So I’m ready to do this on the top of the hour and get weird.

I also just chugged a PBR and have been told that Jervis Cottonbelly or whatever just gave birth to a beach ball to the live crowd. I can’t confirm but I trust the people who have told me. The FloSlam feed is doing Matt Riddle and Catch Point shit.

UPDATE: 00:06. They are running WWN promos and I HATE THIS. GIVE ME THE SHOW DAMMIT.

UPDATE: 00:13: We have some awesome lasers and I’m ready for spring break motherfuckers. I think the show is about to start. Denver Colorado and Excalibur are doing commentary. That’s good Excalibur is one of the best people behind the mic. FloSlam has still fucked up the audio. The PA/music is way too loud. If you want star ratings, you are watching the wrong show.

Sami Callihan def. Kyle The Beast

Callihan’s wearing whatever he wears nowadays. I can’t hear the commentary. Kyle is wearing some black and white gear I can’t make sense of. CAN FLOSLAM FIX THE SOUND. There is some crow fighting or something. Sami Callihan wears way too much gear. WHY DID SAMI THROW A CHAIR. And sami did a lap around the ring until Kyle the Beast gave him a big boot. Okay we’re in a dead time I’m grabbing another PBR. Excalibur is giving way too much credit to Kyle the Beast and he just made a Robert Horry reference. I love Excalibur. He complimented my Kazushi Sakuraba shirt at PWG Battle of Los Angeles 2015. Sami gave a pretty sweet Air Raid Crash. Excalibur watches a lot of basketball whereas Denver Colorado doesn’t. Kyle the Beast tried the Goldberg special and Sami kicked out and the crowd hated it.  This is vintage Excalibur and I appreciate it. Now the commentary are talking about Red Lobster vs Golden Corral and I puked once after losing a eating contest at a Golden Corral. And Sami goes for the stretch muffler and he wins. The sound still sucks.

Sami cut the usual “THIS GUY IS AWESOME AND I RESPECT YOU” promo. The ring announcer has a fantastic jacket.

Andy William & Penelope Ford def. Braxton Sutter & Allie

It’s storming outside so if I lose power I apologize. Allie and Braxton Sutter wore denim to the ring which is a look. And Penelope Ford had her own entrance which is neat. And her partner is Andy Williams from Everytime I Die which is not a band I listen to. And Allie is cutting promo cutting down Andy Williams. He’s a big dude in a Metallica t-shirt. AND HE ATTACKED ALLIE. THAT’S NOT NICE. Now him and Braxton fought around the ring. THERE IS A BEACH BALL IN THE RING AREA I GUESS. And they are using a door as a weapon. I can’t even. And Excalibur made a Game of Thrones joke when Williams suplexed Sutter through the door. I don’t think I’m drunk enough for this so I’m trying to keep pace. Penelope did a Bronco buster. Excalibur did an off-track betting joke and he’s my favorite person. Allie gave a superkick to Andy Williams and okay. Penelope did that springboard double stunner and there was some shit and Penelope Ford and Andy Williams won.

Matt Tremont def. Eddie Kingston

Tony DeVito of THE CARNAGE CREW is doing third mic on this match. AND NOW EVERYTHING GOES THANK YOU MISTER GREAT JACKET. WHY IS EDDIE KINGSTON IN THIS MATCH. I thought he was fighting Tremont! Okay I’m grabbing another beer. Okay this isn’t the clusterfuck. THANK YOU PRODUCTION TEAM. Matt Tremont just bit a floaty tube okay there dude. The GCW title has athletic tape to make sure it’s together. And now Tremont is cutting a promo about VIOLENCE. I was a huge Kingston fan in back when Chikara was a thing and he’s in pretty good shape I guess.  And Excalibur extols the benefits of being a secular humanist. These tables are kinda cheap looking but whatever because SPRING BREAK. Tremont’s already bleeding and I don’t know why. It’s the human condition. The human condition that bleeds. And Tremont goes through something. I dunno. WHY IS KINGSTON STABBING HIM. THIS ISN’T THE SPRING BREAK I EXPECTED. Okay this is kinda gross and I don’t like it. AND TREMONT IS ATTACKING HIM WITH A SHARD OF WOOD OR SOMETHING. Why did I sign up for this? Crowd brawling and I can’t see it. Excalibur makes a Trump Russian golden shower joke and yeah. I can’t see shit so I’m drinking. There is crowd brawling and whatever. They just brought another door and shit Tremont threatened to attack him with it. Tremont just got flipped to the floor through a door so why not. Did Tremont start to bleed before the match start. And Tremont wins after a death valley drive through another door.

Apparently doors were cheaper than tables so sure.

BRYCE REMSBURG SHOWED SHOWED UP IN A REF SHIRT AND BOARDSHORTS SO WE ARE HERE FOR THE CLUSTERFUCK

Jimmy Lloyd wins CLUSTERFUCK (Win by pinfall, submission or DEATH)

First person is Flip Gordon with a title. Second is Facade and he hasn’t done shit in years so okay. The laser show is the most interesting thing so far but they are doing Rumble rules. They flipped around. I’m kind of tired and tired of drinking. Third was John Silver and he threw them around. Fourth was Veda Scott and the crowd loves her. Fifth is “Bryan Idol” and he looks like a skinny Angelico and there was a 450 when I was looking up what he looked like. And Facade’s valet did a somersault senton and Crazy Boy from DTU showed up. And him and Facade fought until Jervis Cottonbelly showed up. And I guess he tickles people. THE INVISIBLE MAN SHOWED UP. AND HE CLEARED THE RING. This Jimmy Lloyd dude came in and started cleaning houseee! Arik Cannon showed up drinking beer and stunning John Silver and got the  pin and GLACIER SHOWED UP AS A DAMN ADULT AND WAS HERE TO FUCKING FIGHT.

And Dink showed up and later Ethan Page showed up and my buzz is gone and I’m tired and I’m ready to be done with this. Dink left because he was smart enough to get out of this. Okay after some shit and a FINAL COMBAT Ethan Page took out Glacier. And we have more doors. The final two were Jimmy Lloyd and Ethan Page. End this match. Lloyd kicked out of an Iconclasm through a door. Lloyd won after a Omori Driver okay. I don’t know if he’s a real child actor, but I appreciate his efforts tonight.

Lio Rush def. Keith Lee

I had a legit power outage during this match. The Carolinas had a wave of storms tonight. I know, I know. Luckily, A Great Man, The King of Banter, International Broadcast Journalist, Joe Lanza has provided me us with a good recap:

“Lee beat, battered, tossed, and destroyed Rush for the entire match, cutting off every Rush comeback with progressively nastier throws until Rush finally broke through with a ridiculous fireman’s carry takeover that led to the two match ending moonsaults. The visual of the enormous Lee on the shoulders of the tiny Rush was quite awesome.

I saw tons of complaints that Lee lost here, just hours after losing in EVOLVE in the same building, but Rush is a semi regular for GCW so I didn’t have a problem with it. Despite the (brilliant) marketing of the show as “Joey Janela ‘s Spring Break” and the fact that it aired on FloSlam, this was a GCW show and not part of WWN/EVOLVE canon.

An excellent big man/small man match, worked in a methodical, deliberate “big room” style. ***¾”

(Writer’s note: I was given permission not to do star ratings, Mister Lanza did this of his own accord.)

Joey Janela def. Marty Jannetty

There was a bunch of crowd brawling until Janela superkicked the ref and then another ref came out. And that made a ref brigade come out. Bryce Remsburg was doing commentary and made a fake for a run in UNTIL EARL HEBNER SHOWED UP. AND HEBNER SHOVED DOWN JOEY. EARL HEBNER RUN IN!!!!!

AND JOEY SHOVED HIM DOWN AND ANOTHER GUY SHOWED UP. IT WAS VIRGIL! This is dumb. Marty Jannetty hit an destroyer for a two count. This show made me tired. Chuck Taylor is on commentary now. They brought in a chair a did a bunch off that. Janela won, did a promo and we are better for that.

Matt Riddle (8-3-2) def. Dan Severn (101-19-7)

HERE WE GO. Dana White wishes he booked this. David Starr is in Matt Riddle’s corner! THIS IS THE MATCH OF THE WEEKEND. My buzz is completely gone, but I’m okay, as THE BEAST is here. This is my everything. This is what I’ve always wanted wrestling to be. Single leg by Riddle which he floats over and so does Severn!. Severn has control into the ropes. I’m stunned that Chuck Taylor is calling this match up. Both are back standing. Severn throws Riddle into a side takeover and Riddle takes control into the ropes and both are standing again. SEVERN GOES FOR A KNEE BAR AND RIDDLE HITS THE ROPES. TAKE THIS BATI BATI. Severn forces Riddle to the outside! This is a lot more play by play than I expected to do at 2:30 in the morning. “He is the Todd Barry” of wrestling. Thank you Excalibur for making a Toryumon First Class reference. I will love you forever. SO MUCH DAD STRENGTH. I’m at my 5th beer after my pre-gaming so I’m just standing and shouting at the tv. There is so little giving a shit in this match and I LOVE IT. Crazy Dragon Sleeper by Severn. AND RIDDLE SWITCHES IT INTO THE BROMISSION FOR THE WIN! IS HE NOW THE ULTIMATE ULTIMATE CHAMPION? IS HE NOW THE KING OF DAD BROS? I don’t care but this was tremendous!

And now Matt Riddle is talking to everyone. I fully expected him to call Dan Severn a stallion, but he didn’t. But this what I wanted from this show. It’s ridiculous. It’s a bunch of everything I want in wrestling. If they do a sequel, it better not be at a time other than midnight. It’s spring break. Spring Break, forever.