When I’m playing Total Extreme Wrestling, I tend to get into a rut. I’ve got all these guys on my roster that I need to use to keep them happy, but I don’t have anything planned for any of them. When this happens, I make a bunch of multi-man matches and schedule a tournament. It turns out, the writers and producers of Lucha Underground book a real life wrestling promotion the exact same way!

This week’s episode, “The Bulls of Boyle Heights”, didn’t need to exist. Sure, there were three vignettes that could potentially be meaningful down the road. However, those segments were short and the matches that made up the bulk of the show were skippable at best.

Kobra Moon gave a history of her tribe. Well, that’s what the show guide tells me she was talking about, anyway. This history was abbreviated, to say the least. The segment looked really cool, though. Kobra Moon sat on a gold throne that looked pretty neat and her costume looked like something off the set of 300.

Matanza knocked out Dario Cueto and escaped his cell. This could prove to be important down the line, but I have my doubts. It seemed that it was only there to underscore how badly he wants at Rey Mysterio. I don’t know if we’re seeing much of a rift between the Cueto brothers.

Oh, and Ricky Reyes is coming back under a mask. So, that’s a thing that’s happening.

The episode got its name from the start of Dario’s new “Battle of the Bulls” tournament. Why is it called “Battle of the Bulls”? Your guess is as good as mine. It was never explained and no hints were given. The name seems like one picked out of a hat. I thought with a “Battle of the Bulls” we’d see an emphasis on big dudes, but Dr. Wagner Jr. and Dragon Azteca Jr. were involved tonight and next week Angelico makes his official return in one of the two remaining matches. So, it’s the “Battle of the Bulls” because it is.

The first match was notable only for a spot in which Cage almost murdered everyone. He did a moonsault to the floor that, for whatever reason, looked terrifying. It looked like he’d managed to kill all three of his competitors simultaneously. Which, I guess is the point and no one seems to have been injured, but man… I’m not volunteering to catch that dude.

The other BotB match was a little bit better, but was still sloppy and unremarkable. They worked really hard, I’ll give them that. The crowd seemed to be fairly into it, so it was successful in that way. I just could not muster any interest in this as it was going.

In the middle, we got a separate match for a title shot, with Sexy Star taking on PJ Black. It was, to no one’s surprise, not very good. Sexy Star’s offense at times resembled an angry toddler. She won, of course, although did so by pinning Black with a rollup for about a six count. Why he did not kick out sooner is anyone’s guess. That match sets up Johnny Mundo defending the title against Sexy Star in a cage match. I’m morbidly curious about that one. It’s going to be terrible, the question is whether it will be good terrible or not.

All in all, this episode was skippable. It wasn’t very good and I’ve just told you everything you need to know coming out of it. With the forty-some minutes I’ve just saved you, maybe read a book or play a board game.

Here’s hoping next week is better.

The Matches

  • Battle of the Bulls Match 1: Cage def. Texano, Joey Ryan, & Dr. Wagner Jr.
  • Sexy Star def. PJ Black
  • Battle of the Bulls Match 2: The Mack def. Marty the Moth, Mil Muertes, & Dragon Azteca Jr.