This episode of WWE Main Event features the origins of Mark Henry and Jack Swagger’s alliance, and more sub par wrestling!

“There’s one thing I have not done and that is win the Royal Rumble match”

Spoilers: Mark Henry doesn’t win the Royal Rumble. He has a little heart to heart with the crowd to open the show, talking about his achievements over his twenty year long WWE career. Twenty years sure is impressive, but what’s more impressive is that he’s had all that time and he’s always been a bad wrestler. Still, there’s legitimate passion in this promo, or there would be if it was being said by someone that stood a chance; it isn’t believable so why should anyone listen beyond him saying he’s going to win? The Ascension come out and bring up the fact that they eliminated Henry from the Andre the Giant Battle Royal last year. Of course they would remember that; that was their one and only highlight. Konnor and Viktor begin a beatdown, but our lord and saviour, the Ace of Main Event: Jack Swagger comes running down and single handedly dispatches the “World’s Sickest Tag Team”. See, to many, the team of Swagger and Henry on the Rumble Pre-Show looked bizarre and plucked from nowhere, but not to avid Main Event viewers such as myself.

Stardust vs Fandango

You never truly know whether or not Stardust will win or lose these throwaway matches. He picks up the odd win now and then but also consistently loses to Titus O’Neil several times a week. His destiny seems assured here however as he faces Fandango who surely isn’t going to waltz away with the win. Fairly back and forth match, including the slowest pinning sequence I’ve ever seen. Stardust hits Queen’s Crossbow (awesome name) for the win.

This match is a nice reminder that wacky but potentially interesting gimmicks will never be on top.

Alicia Fox vs Tamina

I think Alicia Fox is awesome and may be one of the most underrated and underutilised talents in WWE (behind Cesaro of course). She’s been one of the only wrestlers to make use of her matches on Main Event and work to the best of her ability, churning out some great matches in the process. Maybe it’s because this is the only show she’ll get time; has Fox won a match since joining up with Team Bella?

This match, however, isn’t exactly an instant classic. Tamina throws Fox around for the first three quarters of the match and does a pretty good job of looking dominant. Alicia gets a nice comeback going but then just wins. Not with a finisher, but with a shoddy roll up. Oh well, hopefully she’ll have better matches with opponents that aren’t Tamina in the future.

Jack Swagger and Mark Henry vs The Ascension

Swagger and Henry are a team not unlike Tanahashi and Elgin, the Ace and the Lovable Big Guy teaming up to take on the forces of evil. There’s not really any reason for their allegiance though, which is just one reason why they aren’t quite as good as Unbreakable Ace.

This match is really weird: neither team seems sure which one of them should be dominant, so they flip flop between the two roles constantly. Shouldn’t The Ascension change their gimmick now? Their whole all powerful illuminati God thing worked when they were undefeated, but they haven’t got a win since last September and even that was a surprise. It’s a shame because they were truly enjoyable in NXT (remember when they said “YA”!?), even though you knew they wouldn’t last. Swagger gets a sort of lukewarm tag to Henry and they totally break the rules to deliver a series of slams to The Ascension. Swagger graciously allows Henry to finish them off as he hits Konnor with The World’s Strongest Slam to pick up the win for The World’s Strongest Americans.