WWE Main Event TV
Episode 169
WWE Network

It’s Christmas time on WWE Main Event this week! Grab whatever leftovers and chocolate gifts you still have, and enjoy reading about some good – not great – wrestling!

Tyler Breeze vs Goldust

I looked forward to Goldust’s return, but that was because I assumed that he’d do something. His recovery means nothing more than another jobber to kick about, when he deserves a little more than that. As the one of the only people on the roster from the pre Attitude Era still knocking about in the WWE (and sporting the same gimmick too), he can certainly still go.

One of Main Event’s few, good features is that watching it allows you to relive better times, while pretending everything is okay again. Summer Breeze are still going, which is great, and Christmas has come around again! Goldust immediately establishes himself as the relatable everyman by trying to feel Breeze’s fluffy boots. He tries to take a selfie with the unconscious Breeze using his phone later though, which undoes all the affection I’d gained. Goldust continues his usual schtick but dominates the match, which really doesn’t suit his theme. Goldy goes top rope for God knows what but gets distracted by Summer, allowing Tyler to knock him down and pin him just like that. Funny at times, but that’s about it.

Fandango vs Bo Dallas

Two of the guys I religiously defend at every opportunity get to face off!? It’s a Christmas Miracle, and practically a dream match! No shenanigans heading into this one: these two go right into it. Bo wins the first lock up, a crucial sequence that can alter the landscape of the match in your favor and allow you to score the all important win. Bo then takes the chance to do a victory lap around the ring, though, and I have to erase a chunk of writing on how important this win could be for both competitors. At this point I’d like to invite you to guess who would win here. Let’s go to the Tale of the Tape: Bo is at least sometimes featured on RAW, and gets segments every once in awhile, but he always loses. Fandango on the other hand hasn’t been given anything to do since breaking up with Rosa early last year, BUT, he isn’t working a comedy gimmick and could be the face we need to take down Bo.

Commentary takes the time to talk about all the times Bo Dallas has been beaten by various other wrestlers– which does nothing to improve his reputation. Fandango ascends the top rope, looking for The Last Dance, but Bo slides in and Dango crunches his balls right on the top turnbuckle. Bo lifts Fandango’s legs onto the rope and hits his brand new finisher (rope-hung neckbreaker) for the win. I don’t know if a new finisher is the key to rebuilding Bo, this is just as uninspired, to be honest.

Jack Swagger vs The Miz

The Ace of Main Event: Jack Swagger. Swagger is back this week to defend his honour against The Miz. Swagger’s series of matches on Main Event have failed to provide heartstoppers thus far, they’re normally plodding affairs that have some interesting reversal into the Patriot Lock for the finish. They also feature Swagger’s comeback being brought about by his opponent doing a sarcastic “We The People” taunt. Swagger becomes enraged and the crowd goes wild for The Face of Main Event. Swagger Bomb gets reversed twice in a row, however, and the Swaggamaniacs start to fear for their hero. You know the drill.

In an unusually fast sequence, Swagger kicks out of a Mizard of Oz, tries to lock in the Patriot Lock and attempts a roll up on Miz when he goes for the Figure Four Leglock. The match soon reverts to a snail’s pace with Miz in control. The surprise Patriot Lock this week is less than innovative, as Swagger catches Miz from the top rope for the win.

Final Thoughts: The main event, featuring The Ace of WWE Main Event, has its moments, but other than that a missable show.