Impact Wrestling on Destination America
Friday, January 23
Manhattan Center – New York, New York

Feast or Fired – Robbie E vs. Jessie Godderz vs. Samuel Shaw vs. Gunner vs. Bram vs. Magnus vs. Davey Richards vs. Eddie Edwards vs. Rockstar Spud vs. Austin Aries vs. DJ Zema Ion vs. Crazy Steve: First thing was cut to a split screen of Matthews and Taz calling the match. I really don’t get the point of that. Generic brawling and climbing to start. Velvet Sky helped Robbie E get down a briefcase. Spud was initially too short to reach as case so he climbed on the back of Sam Shaw to grab the second case. The Wolves hit the Alarm Clock on Jessie before hip-tossing DJ Z to the floor taking out a bunch of guys. Aries picked up a briefcase then took out everybody with the Heat Seeking Missile for good measure. One case left. Tower of Doom which Magnus got the best of left an opening for him to get the final case. Part of that Tower of Doom was Bram so now we have a six month old tag team feuding with each other. *1/2

I know what you’re all asking. How does this Feast or Fired rank among the great pantheon of past Feast or Fired matches? Well here’s a ranking of all five matches with a few comments about each.

  1. 2008: Easily the most fun Feast or Fired match. Loads of action, really well paced, a bunch of nifty spots and a great finish. If you watch one Feast or Fired match ever make it this one. ***1/2
  2. 2013: The previous Feast or Fired match comes in at number two. A fun dive sequence and really enjoyable performances by Dewey Barnes and Norv Fernum. I really liked those two as lovable geeks. ***
  3. 2009: Highlighted by half the field being members of Eric Young’s World Elite stable, a weird mishmash of talent if I’ve ever seen them (they actually remind me of Storm’s Revolution). Kiyoshi’s ring gear reminded me of Tomohiro Ishii. Gets fun once a few cases are taken down. **1/4
  4. 2007: The most interesting thing about the 2007 match was the nifty way it set up BG James and Kip James turning on each other. Back in those days you had to get the case to the floor. Kip got the case down but was surrounded so he threw the case to BG on the floor. It was a tag title shot which BG cashed in with his dad Bullet Bob Armstrong instead of Kip. So Kip turned on BG. I thought that was a neat way to set up the turn. **
  5. 2015: Yes this year’s is the worst. Consisted too much of generic brawling and no real standout moments. *1/2

Bobby Lashley vs. Kenny King: Before the match, Lashley demanded his title be returned. I think breaking up MVP and Lashley is a mistake. It was a dynamic that was working and still had plenty of legs left. If it’s not broken and all that. The Beatdown Clan (BDC) joined King at ringside. MVP still had the TNA title belt. Lashley press slammed King onto the BDC on the floor and hit a one handed delayed vertical suplex. Lashley hit a Spear and the BDC hit the ring for the DQ. They beat down Lashley. Second week in a row former unstoppable monster Bobby Lashley has been beaten down. I hate heel stables. MVP challenged Lashley to find him on the streets of New York to get his title back. ½*

Gail Kim vs. Havok: Good video before the match about Kong killing people. They immediately started brawling at ringside. Gail hit a crossbody to the floor followed by a crossbody off the top for two. Havok took over through brute force. Havok hit a huge knee lift on Gail. That didn’t look pleasant at all. Havok was disqualified for pushing Brian Stifler. Second DQ finish in a row. And depriving me of a Gail Kim underdog comeback is a cruel, cruel thing. More angle than match. N/A

Havok continued to beat on Gail after the bell. Kong made the save and the two ladies went nose to nose again. They finally came to blows and Kong clotheslined Havok over the top. Havok then backed down. This is easily the best feud on this show. Building little by little week after week and not giving away the match instantly. Another good angle here. I assume Kong runs through Havok, wins the KO title from Terrell and then we segue into Kong vs. Kim again.

Tigre Uno vs. Khoya: TNA’s wonderful idea to create a new big Indian star is to have him be a subservient, lackey heel. I would’ve gone for unstoppable babyface myself. Khoya won with a Sky High. Storm called out Matt Hardy for later tonight. SQUASH

Eric Young and Low Ki vs. Kurt Angle and Bobby Roode: A lot of talent in this tag match. Roode hit a Superplex and made the hot tag to Angle. Angle ran wild with German Suplexes. He hit an Angle Slam on Low Ki but EY broke up an Ankle Lock attempt. Roode locked on a Crossface and here come the BDC. I hate heel stables. Interference allowed EY to hit Roode with a chair and Low Ki pinned Roode for the win. A lot of talent in this tag match, too bad it was five minutes long and was just another case of BDC interference. *1/2

Ethan Carter III w/ Tyrus vs. Jeremy Borash w/ Rockstar Spud: EC3 decided to do the ring announcing. Mark Andrews, deserving winner of British Boot Camp 2, is at ringside. EC3 took it upon himself to do the announcing as well.  JB hit EC3 with a microphone and started laying into EC3. EC3 quickly took JB down and beat the hell out of him. EC3 spat on Spud which caused him to attack but Tyrus laid out Spud yet again. Mark Andrews made the save. Spud hit a dive on Tyrus and Andrews hit a huge Shooting Star off the top to the floor on Tyrus. Not a bad way to make a first impression. I would’ve replayed the Shooting Star more than just once but anywho. Not really a match.

Matt Hardy vs. James Storm: Hardy hit a baseball slide followed by a hip toss on the ramp. Storm took over after a lungblower. Hardy nailed a Side Effect for two. Storm and Hardy exchanged punches but Storm got the better of Hardy with a Codebreaker. Storm missed the Last Call, Hardy went for the Twist of Fate but Storm countered and took him up for the Eye of the Storm. Hardy countered into a Small Package for the win. Enjoyable match, well worked but too short. I’d like to see these two go longer. **1/4

Abyss ran out and attacked Matt. Storm hit the Last Call and Abyss got Janice from under the ring. When did Abyss get Janice back from Bram? Jeff made the save and challenged Abyss to Monsters Ball next week. I remember the days when Monsters Ball was a once a year specialty match at Bound For Glory. By the way, Lockdown is two weeks away and has yet to be mentioned at all on TV.

Feast or Fired reveal time. Magnus has a tag title shot. Spud has an X-Division title shot. Robbie E insisted it was Velvet Sky who actually took down the case so it’s hers. Velvet was fired. I’m not entirely sure how that makes any sense at all. Velvet Sky, who wasn’t in the match (I even checked the match graphic, she’s not there), is somehow fired. Aries’ case is the Heavyweight title shot. The highlight of this was Aries’ smug grin when the World title shot was revealed.

Bobby Lashley vs. MVP on the Streets of New York City: They brawled for a little while before they entered the Manhattan Centre lobby. So much for a fight on the streets. The BDC attacked Lashley. Lashley was beaten up for the third time in two shows. I hate heel stables. Roode and Angle made the save. The show closed with Roode holding the World title staring at it longingly with Lashley watching on.

Final Thoughts

Impact is like a shark. If it stops moving, even for a moment, it can no longer breathe and begins to suffocate to death. At least that’s the only explanation I can think of for why this show moves at the pace it does. Two matches on this show (Hardy vs. Storm and Roode and Angle vs. Low Ki and EY) could have been really good. But both were way too short and moved on from way too quickly to leave any, pardon the most inexcusable pun to use in relation to this show, impact. EC3 is still the best character on the show, Kong/Havok is the best program but everything else just comes and goes without ever leaving a mark.