Hello and welcome to the first episode of Saturday Morning Breakfast Brawls:
As a kid growing up I had a regular routine on Saturday mornings that involved me eating bowls of cereal and watching cartoons and none other than my beloved pro wrestling! I would look forward to these Saturday mornings, Sunday through Friday. Looking forward to watching my favorite heroes and most hated villains do battle against the local jobbers. I watched wrestlers put these jobbers in body bags, stuffed hundred dollar bills down their throats, or let their venomous snakes loose to attack their fallen carcasses. Nothing could keep me from my cereal and wrestling. This is something that I have sorely missed even in my adulthood. WWE’s Saturday Morning Slam somewhat filled this void, but the WWE roster today doesn’t lend to my memories of these larger than life character wrestlers doing battle in the squared circle. With the wonderful invention of YouTube my wife often finds me re-living my childhood over bowls of cereal and YouTube on my phone watching some of these classic battles. I have been wanting to put these classic matches together in “episodes” for my friends and readers of Voices of Wrestling to enjoy. This is a chance to turn off your brain, stop stressing about putting together your Voices of Wrestling Match of the Year list together, get away from the seriousness of wrestling discussions like the WWE financials and enjoy some good ol’ classic wrasslin’! So! Grab a bowl of your favorite cereal! Scramble up some eggs! Throw some bacon in the skillet! And get ready to watch some Saturday Morning Breakfast Brawls!
THE BARRY DARSOW MATCH OF THE WEEK
Smash vs. Texas Tornado
You read that right! Every week you will get to see Barry Darsow wrestle in one of his many gimmicks! Why? Because he is the freaking man! And one of my all-time favorite wrestlers. I grew up loving the Repo-Man gimmick and once I found out Darsow was not only the Repo-Man but also Smash, one half (or third) of a favorite tag team of mine, Demolition it sealed the deal for me.
This match took place shortly before Survivor Series 1990 and was a preview to the legendary 8 man tag team match that pitted Ultimate Warrior, Legion of Doom, and Texas Tornado vs. Demolition and Mr. Perfect. Noteworthy for this match is that Smash is wearing the short lived Demolition masks. I remember as a little tyke wondering if I solved the ultimate pro wrestling mystery thinking that Texas Tornado was the Ultimate Warrior without the face paint. I had to ask my brother and was thinking “I’ve never seen the two in the same place!” This match obviously debunks it with the awesome skirmish at the end between all 8 participants of the Survivor Series match that put both Kerry Von Erich and Ultimate Warrior in the same place at the same time! Mind blown!
Also, the Hasbro WWE Action Figure Commercial at the end brings back awesome memories. I STILL own every single figure shown at the end of the commercial with Jesse Ventura’s except the Akeem the African Dream figure that has alluded me my whole adult life. If anyone has a spare Akeem Hasbro figure laying around hit me up! (Yes, I am also a fan of Akeem/One Man Gang)
The CRUISERWEIGHT MATCH OF THE WEEK
Rey Misterio Jr. vs. Ultimo Dragon
Every week during SMBB you will get to watch a Cruiserweight Match of the Week, which will probably be the best in-ring match of the show. I was a very staunch fan of WWE throughout the 90’s and I rarely watched WCW. I thought the nWo was just a bunch of WWE has-beens, I thought Goldberg was lame, and I couldn’t stand Tony Schivone. However, when I did catch WCW my favorite matches were these amazing Cruiserweight matches. If WWE released a 10 disc DVD set of Cruiserweight matches I would be first in line to buy it. So, what better way to start the CWMOTW of SMBB then with two of the very best ever Ultimo Dragon and Rey Mysterio? Rey Mysterio is truly revolutionary to pro wrestling. He is to pro wrestling what The Beatles are to Rock ‘n’ Roll. He didn’t invent pro wrestling, but he revolutionized it, put a spot light on whole new ways to have wrestling matches, and influenced the genre for generations to come. And Ultimo Dragon had a wonderful blend of Lucha Libre and Japanese Puroresu. In this week’s match these two put on what has to been one of the very best 5 minute matches you will ever see. These two capitalized on what little time they had and made the very best of it.
Berserker vs. Mr. Perfect
If you take Bruiser Brody and mix him up with silly Saturday Morning cartoon comedy then you get the Berserker. There were times as a kid I legit thought this guy was going to stab someone with his sword. Remember the time he almost stabbed the Undertaker only to drive his sword through the ring? In this match you see him almost behead Mr. Perfect. One thing you have to give credit to Berserker for is that he would bump around the ring better than most men his size. He takes some pretty big bumps in this match here. Mr. Perfect, who used my all-time favorite entrance music, gets the win here with a perfectly executed Perfect Plex.
JOBBER MATCH OF THE WEEK
Mike Sharpe vs Koko B Ware
The Jobber Match of the Week pits one of the most famous jobbers, “Iron” Mike Sharpe”, vs. one of the most famous “Jobber to the Stars”, Koko B Ware! In this short match we see Koko hit a splendid dropkick from the top rope and a sick looking “Ghost Buster” aka Brain buster. Can anyone explain to me why the parrot loving dancing Koko B Ware named his finisher the Ghost Buster? Anyhow, we see Koko win this match as he awkwardly flaps his arms on top of Sharpe. Is this what Soulja Boy meant by “Superman that hoe?”
The Saturday Morning Breakfast Brawl’s Main Event of the Morning!
IRS vs. Shawn Michaels
This happens to be Mike Rotunda’s aka Irwin R. Shyster’s final match for WWE. As you should know, IRS is the father of current WWE superstars Bray Wyatt and Bo Dallas. I loved IRS as a kid, but can’t stand Bo Dallas or Bray Wyatt matches (I can dig Wyatt’s promos).
IRS was one of my favorite wrestlers to watch get beat up on a weekly basis. I loved the fact that he wore a tie to the ring and his opponents would take advantage of it. As you could imagine I loved the short lived stable of Ted Dibiase, IRS, and the Repo-man even though in retrospect it makes no sense that those three “gimmicks” would get along. I loved the fact that he works for the IRS and his initials spell IRS. And of all my Hasbro action figures my IRS is one of the more scratched up ones due to me loving to beat him up with my favorite baby face action figures.
This is a pretty good match considering the talents of both men and takes place just as WWE was beginning to strap the rocket to Shawn Michaels back straight to Main Event levels.
I hope you enjoyed the first episode of Saturday Morning Breakfast Brawls! I would love to have a “Reader submitted Match of the Week” as one of the five matches featured on SMBB. If you want to tweet me @LuchaNerd using the Hashtag: #VOWSMBB a match you would like to see featured I would love to hear from you!