Last night had one of the best cards of the year. And there was also WWE Battleground. Maybe Raw, with special guest FLO RIDA, will be better than last nights Battleground show. It’s not much of a contest.
Raw starts out with Triple H. Says everyone is scared of him, scattering around because of what happened last night thinking that he’s mad. Maybe he’ll tweet out his frustrations, threatening not to watch ever again. Nice to see them insult people who are subscribing to their network by making fun of them over being mad at last night’s show. Which, for the record, people have the right to be. Anyway, he says maybe he’ll just fire everyone in the back. Maybe just in the end, he’ll relax because he always gets what he wants in the end. That’s right, he does. He garundamntees that John Cena will no longer be WWE champion at SummerSlam. But who gets the opportunity?
This brings out Randy Orton who starts whining. What about him and his rematch from WrestleMania. He says if he’s in a one on one match with John Cena at SummerSlam he can beat him. Triple H says he’s a frontrunner, but he hasn’t made his mind yet. He wants someone to impress him and go the extra mile and show that they want it. Randy whines that if Kane did his duty last night he’d have the titles around the waist. Surely you’re not considering him. This, in fact, brings out Kane. Kane says that he hopes he is being considered, because he knows he can beat John Cena and bring the title home to the Authority as long as I’m not Randy Orton’s protector. He’s tired of babysitting.
Roman Reigns comes out. He says he thinks his name is in the running. Last time he checked, no one wants to see Kane vs. John Cena or Randy Orton vs. John Cena again. They want to see him and Cena, believe that. The crowd likes this. He punches out Orton and Kane as Triple H exits quickly. He says he believes that Roman will face Kane and Randy Orton in a handicap match next.
Roman Reigns vs. Kane and Randy Orton. There was nothing fancy about it, and it was pretty dull. Heels worked on Roman forever. Roman gets the heat back. Kane and Orton argue, and while they do that Roman fires back with the superman punch and spears Kane for the clean win. What an intimidating monster Kane is.
Eva Marie, Cameron, Alicia Fox and Rosa Mendes vs. Nikki Bella. This was more of an angle than anything. Nikki greeted Brie, who was at ringside and had a ticket. Stephanie came out and started insulting Brie. Brie called her a bitch. Stephanie said what did you call me? Nikki repeated what she said. Stephanie slapped her, Brie tried to retaliate but security immediately took Brie and escorted her away. The match started and ended in a minute after all the heels destroyed Nikki and Alicia pinned her with the axe kick. Stephanie said that soon you’ll do what your sister did and quit. This was a one woman performance by Stephanie McMahon. A good performance, though, so there’s that.
Bo Dallas vs. Damien Sandow. Sandow was dressed up as Lebron James, because you see he was with the Florida NBA team, but now he’s going back to Cleveland. I guess Bo Dallas is a face here this week. Maybe. It constantly changes. Sure is great not to care a whole lot here in the WWE. Bo eventually won with the bodog.
This was where we were supposed to have a Highlight Reel with Chris Jericho interviewing Bray Wyatt. The announcers start to explain what happened, but Bray Wyatt comes out. Apparently, Jericho was jumped by the Wyatts on the WWE app. Wyatt says Jericho can’t make it because he’s a bit indisposed. They show the entire video of what happened. So, download the WWE app, guys. He says war is his game. In our short reign we’ve destroyed monsters and toppled giants. Asks Jericho who he thinks he’s really dealing with. He can’t measure him like a normal man. Abigail said something to him once. If you go out looking for vengeance, be prepared to dig two graves. He poses they switched cameras to Jericho, who was bleeding from the ear. I liked this better than other Wyatt stuff as of late, but the crowd didn’t seem to care at all, doing the what thing throughout the promo. It seems he’s cooled off since the feud with Cena. Imagine that!
The Miz vs. Dolph Ziggler. Miz stalled early, doing the “don’t touch my face gimmick”. Ziggler gets lifted up and posted to the floor as they go to commercial. Pretty heated, and pretty good. Miz locks in the figure four but Ziggler refuses to tap. Miz gets up and tries for the skull crushing finale but Ziggler rolls out of it, fakes out Miz who covers his face then hits the zig zag for the pinfall. So I guess more matches are coming between these two. I have this at ***1/2 by the way, better than anything on last night’s show excluding the opener. Order the WWE Network today!
Triple H is backstage with Seth Rollins. Says that he doesn’t want him to face Cena at SummerSlam because he doesn’t want to put all of his cards out on the table. Rollins says he can get the job done, but Dean Ambrose is in the way and we won’t be able to do anything until we put him out permanently. This brings out Cesaro. He says as of this moment, he’s no longer a pushed guy. Er, excuse me, a Paul Heyman guy. He says he wants to to Triple H’s bidding. He says he’ll be impressed if he takes out Dean Ambrose. He says consider it done.
AJ and Paige vs. Emma and Natalya. Last time I checked, these were all faces. But it doesn’t matter~! They work on Emma early, but Natalya gets a hot tag and tags in AJ while Natalya had her in the sharpshooter. AJ locks in the Black Widow and that’s it. They’re all smiles after and hug, yay! WAIT A MINUTE! Paige yanks her down by the hair and destroys AJ, throwing her into the barricade, posts her, then throws her into the announce table. She then skips, mocking AJ as medical staff checks on her. This was really well done.
Fandango vs. Zack Ryder. Layla and Summer Rae were with Zack, who actually got an entrance for once. And HE WON. Yes. Zack Ryder, in the year 2014, won a match after hitting the rough ryder. Fandango had his foot on the ropes, but Layla pushed it off. Zack celebrated his more than likely one win out of the entire year after the match.
Renee was backstage with Flo Rida. They bring up his performance at WrestleMania 28. He says that maybe he wants to impress Triple H so he can get in the title match at SummerSlam. Heath Slater then arrives. He wants revenge over what Flo Rida did to him at the Wrestlemania in question. Flo Rida then shoves Heath into a bunch of equipment. I was expecting this to be funnier.
Flo Rida came out and sang his tunes. The crowd were sorta into it. I guess. They showed people in the crowd moving along to the music, but most of them just stood there. I know why they do these things, because it makes them look great, but it rarely works live. There’s not much to say about it. I guess his songs are ok? Stephanie was out to introduce Flo Rida, then said give a round of applause for Flo Rida once he was done. She exits the ring, but suddenly there are plainclothed policeman on the outside of the ring. They show her their badge and read her miranda rights. The crowd loved this, chanting yes and the goodbye song. They placed her in handcuffs and took her to the back, not before Brie came out and they had an argument. Triple H arrived in the back and told Stephanie that he’s right behind her and Jerry McDevitt is on the phone. Quite the segment.
Triple H is backstage with Joey Mercury. Triple H says he needs to leave. Joey says what about the SummerSlam announcement. Triple H says family comes first, but then pauses. He says there probably some processing and all that she had to do, so they have time. He tells Joey to put the car on standby, and when I make my decision I’ll leave.
Big E and Kofi Kingston vs. Rybaxel. I guess Big E and Kofi Kingston are a new face team. Cool. Problem is there’s not enough heel ones. Rybaxel win anyway after Ryback rolls through a crossbody.
Suddenly, like literally out of nowhere, Xavier Woods appears in a suit and glasses. Says that this is what he’s been telling them all along. It’s no longer time to do the right thing, it’s time to take matters into their own hands. Big E and Kofi look at each other and nod. Well, I guess the heel tag team situation has been fixed. And I guess they found roles for all 3 of them, which is good. I wonder where this goes, though.
Rusev and Lana come out. Lana starts to do a promo, but suddenly the Great Khali comes out for their match. Oh boy!
Rusev vs. Great Khali. They had a match that needed to be much shorter. Shorter as in like 2 minutes tops short. Maybe this was two minutes though, so maybe it just needed to be 30 seconds. Rusev shoved him down, hit the superkick then locked in the accolade, and that’s it.
Goldust and Stardust promo. I wonder if this was the same exact one they showed last night, or a new one. I couldn’t tell the difference. Probably because I wasn’t paying attention.
Dean Ambrose vs. Cesaro. Triple H, Rollins and Orton were all standing there looking at the TV screen. Ambrose’s shoulder is still bugging him. Isn’t that from two months ago? They had a match, it was good but not as good as I thought it would be. Ambrose simply attacks Cesaro’s shoulder with a chair for a DQ. That’s literally it. This accomplished so much.
Renee caught up with Triple H. She asked if he could get a word with him. He said he was about to go out and make the announcement for SummerSlam. “Shouldn’t you be with your wife right now?” she asked. Triple H glared at her. She backed away.
Triple H was in the ring, ready to announce the guy for the title match at SummerSlam. Orton came out, but suddenly Reigns comes in and attacks Orton, fighting into the crowd and back to the backstage area.
Paul Heyman then comes out. He says plan A isn’t working because Orton’s busy with Reigns. And Plan B isn’t working because Rollins is busy with Ambrose. So Plan C is your only option, and he introduces him. It’s none other than Brock Lesnar, who got the biggest pop out of anyone on Earth tonight. Triple H shakes hands with Heyman, then with Lesnar, so it is indeed John Cena vs. Brock Lesnar at SummerSlam. Paul Heyman takes the mic. There are some people who chant Let’s go Cena, others (who aren’t tucked in at night by mommy) say Cena sucks. To Brock, it doesn’t matter. Just look at what happened last time someone was in a fight with Lesnar. They showed Undertaker getting pinned at WrestleMania. You can’t escape this beating, John Cena. Brock Lesnar will punch Cena’s face in. He will be hurt, injure, mangle Cena. Only then will John Cena get F5’d and strip Cena of the title. Undertaker’s streak was a myth, and so is John Cena’s feat of being the greatest champion in WWE history. Brock poses as Raw goes off the air.
FINAL THOUGHTS:
This felt like a really long show. BUT, it was also pretty newsworthy and interesting, going in a number of new directions. They definitely have ideas for SummerSlam, and they seem to be sticking to them, so that’s cool. SummerSlam sounds like a hell of a lot better than Battleground, and it should be packed with a number of great matches. Let’s see how the build is leading to the big show.
PLUG: The G1 started last night, New Japan fans! I think you know this already since you’ve either read the review here on this lovely website or have watched the show already. But if you love these Raw reports (and I know you do since I haven’t been fired for getting 0 views yet) then you’ll love my observations on the G1 tournament! Obviously Voices of Wrestling will be covering all of the G1, but I will be too. Basically, just wanted to plug my blog that you can find here for a second opinion. Night 1 was already a hell of a card, and hopefully we will see some more over the next two weeks.
