You know how we do WWE PPV reviews here at Voices of Wrestling so let’s not waste time with WWE’s Money in the Bank 2014! Let’s meet our VOW staff reviewers:

Rich Kraetsch is co-host of the Voices of Wrestling podcast and ½ of the two-man power trip behind this terrible website. Follow him on Twitter @richkraetsch

Taylor Mitchell is Voices of Wrestling’s Smackdown reviewer and frequent Raw livetweeter. Follow him on Twitter @LuchaNerd

Larry is an enigma, we aren’t even totally sure his name is actually Larry but he’s VOW’s PWG reviewer and one of the original VOW Match of the Year voters. He doesn’t have Twitter because he’s an enigma

Bryan Rose is Voices of Wrestling’s Raw reviewer and occasional New Japan Pro Wrestling substitute. Follow him on Twitter @br26

And now our two special guests:

Blake Murphy is very sad and relies on Bo Dallas to get him through the day.” Or “ Blake is a news editor at theScore and also writes at Raptors Republic, Fangraphs and more. He doesn’t dabble in pro graps writing nearly enough, so shower him with hate. Follow him on Twitter at @BlakeMurphyODC

B.J. Mendelson is the author of the book, Social Media Is Bullshit (St. Martin’s Press). He hates John Cena, just like you, and he often has inappropriate thoughts about Naomi. I guess he likes wrestling. You should buy his book. There’s jokes in there, but no pictures. Sorry. There should have been. Follow him on Twitter at @BJMendelson.

WWE Tag Team Championship – The Usos (c) defeat Luke Harper & Eric Rowan

Rich Kraetsch: That was way better than I thought it was going to be. I mentioned in the preview that we knew what we were going to get and while a lot of the spots were the same, it still felt a lot different than 2,000 other matches they’ve had over the past two years. The superplex on Rowan and the consecutive suicide dives by Harper definitely stood out and differentiated this one from their previous matches. My one complaint is the ending and the result, I thought this was the perfect time to transition the titles to the Wyatt Family. Oh well. ***1/2

Larry:  This had everything you’d expect from an Usos-Wyatts match.  Guitar Riffs, super kicks, dives out of the ring, and Michael Cole saying “U SO CRAZY”…seriously.  I didn’t expect much…but this ended up being a real nice opener with some new wrinkles in what has seemingly been a long series of similar matches between these two teams.  Some nice, big spots kept the pace high during the crescendo of the match.  They didn’t whore out too many false finishes either to keep the suspense there.  Overall…I liked. ***1/4 - WWE Money in the Bank 2014Taylor Mitchell: The Wyatt’s get some generic rock music for their entrance. I suppose the WWE suits didn’t like the reaction to their other new music that debuted on Raw. This match starting off pretty well, then it got slowed down to a snail’s pace for a second while Rowan was in control of course. But, it picked it from there and turned out to be a really good WWE tag match. I love seeing the WWE give their tag team division some time to put together good matches. ***3/4

Bryan Rose: This was a pretty good match. The crowd being hot helped it a ton. I’ve not found one of their matches (and they’ve had a lot, admittedly) to be boring, so I knew coming in they were going to have a good match. Harper’s double tope spot was really cool. I thought the title would change here, but I guess not. Whatever, not that relevant. They had a match that I had good expectations for coming in and they were indeed met. ***3/4

BJ Mendelson:  I was surprised this opened the show, and even more surprised that the Uso’s won. It really makes no sense when you think about it. They’ve had the belt forever and have done nothing with it, meanwhile the Wyatt Family (seem) to be over very big with the crowd. Plus, like Daniel Bryan, the Usos are more interesting chasing a team like the Wyatts than they are as the champions. Think about it. Who are the Uso’s going to face now, and will it even be interesting? Probably not. The match itself was great though, which isn’t a surprise given how many times these two teams have faced each other, but I’m ready for something new. ****

Blake Murphy: Allow me to vent about something. The announcers give away EVERY tag match. Their cadence for false finishes is so blatantly obvious that even if someone’s out of site, it’s painfully clear when a fall will be broken up. Anyway, this match was pretty good. I thought the Usos could use a loss as their growing a bit stale, but they rarely have a bad match and put together a nice opener. The Harper double-dive, the Uso double-splash and the double superplex were all great spots, and the match had a great pace (although I had stream issues early, so I missed some initial action). There’s money in Luke Harper…that new music, not so much.  ***

WWE Divas Championship – Paige (c) defeats Naomi

Rich: That was a lot of fun, I wasn’t blown away but it’s one of the best Divas matches I’ve seen on PPV in quite some time. Naomi was really impressive in this match and almost stood out more than Paige. What’s most interesting was how over this one got in front of the crowd, turns out athletic women having good matches gets over in front of the crowd. What a concept! **1/2 - WWE Money in the Bank 2014Larry:  Don’t get me wrong, I dig the closeups of Paige looking like she’s crying…really fires up my rocketship…but I was over the banana peel finishes in three minutes during her title reign, so I was happy to see her finally win clean.  Also, Doink the Clown was real happy to see Paige bust out the STUMP PULLER!  Not a bad match.  Short, sweet, and those chicks did some different things in the ring.   **1/4

Taylor: Finally Paige is given time in a title defense. This match was a breath of fresh air for the Divas division, but it wasn’t better than the NXT specials’ Divas matches this year. Loved that Paige busted out the Stump Puller shades of Doink the Clown circa Matt Borne era. Paige also had a sweet DDT to finish off Naomi that she hit from a vertical suplex position. No idea what that move is called, but it was vicious looking. ***

Bryan: Pretty good match while it lasted. Picked up a lot towards the end. For once, the crowd actually got into this match, so that says a lot about the workrate of these ladies. It wasn’t out of this world, but in terms of Diva’s matches this was a lot better than standard fare. Also, yes, the STUMP PULLER. Reminds me of early Doink matches. No, I don’t know why. ***

BJ:  Thank God. I was worried Paige was going to lose the title and Naomi and the other one where going to use it as a prop to fight over on the next season of Total Divas. How sad is it, by the way, that the NXT Women’s Division is AWESOME but the main roster matches usually eat dog shit and / or are just props for the show on E!? Naomi has really improved in the ring though, and I thought they put together a great match aside from that nasty spill off the top rope. I still can’t get excited for Paige’s matches yet though because they’ve done little to give people a reason to give a shit, and if you liked her from NXT like I did, you’re just sitting there going, “How about we showcase her character a bit?” I don’t know. I think I’m expecting too much from WWE women’s matches. ***

Blake: I’ll be honest – right as this match kicked off, the Raptors made a trade, so I missed it entirely. N/A

Adam Rose defeats Damien Sandow aka Paul Revere

Rich: Oh, okay, that was a thing that happened in a wrestling ring. I was most impressed with how well Sandow wrestled in his Revere costume. Rose is really not great in the ring, he’s boring and nothing seems to connect. I don’t know what to rate this thing because it wasn’t bad but it was a Raw match. *

Larry:  I contemplated turning Money In The Bank off to watch True Blood during this fucking thing.  Think about that.  Both of these guys are just happy collecting checks at this point.  Good for them.  Bad for all of us.  Rose wins with that move thingy that every NXT create-a-wrestler has in 2014.  The real loser here is us.  All around awful. DUD

Taylor:  Oh what a difference a year makes. Last year Sandow was winning the MitB briefcase on his way to becoming a main eventer in the WWE to now dressing up weekly in ridiculous costumes in ridiculous comedy segments wrestling a ridiculous Russell Brand wannabe. The WWE should be concerned that the crowd popped during Sandow’s comeback and were in his corner for the tail end of this match. That has got to be a testament of how Adam Rose’s gimmick is not over. It sure as hell wasn’t because “Paul Revere” is over in Boston. ½*

Bryan: I’m not sure why this was on the show, other than I guess they wanted to dress Sandow as Paul Revere. This was a whatever match. The crowd chanted the song, but not much else. So Rose’s momentum is kind of there, which is an improvement following weeks of kinda there crowd reception. Surprised Sandow hit his finisher on Rose, but whatever. Longer than I thought it would be, but that isn’t saying much. *1/2

BJ:  Christ. That’s really all I got. Adam Rose blows. I mean he’s not at Santino-level blows, or John Cena “I wish you would go away” blows, but he’s on the short list of people who make me want to change the channel. Or … whatever we’re calling WWE Network. I feel terrible for Sandow. I know other bloggers have tried to explain it away like “Well he’s on TV, so he’s not buried”, but you know what? He’d seriously be better in TNA, because there all you gotta do is show up and they hand you the world title. Here it’s like … why bother?  *

Blake: One year ago today, Damien Sandow was winning MITB and he and Cody Rhodes were starting what should have been a win-win star-making feud. Now he’s doing this. Sandow is great in the role, but Rose has already got on my last nerve. I’m fine being a lemon. This was a joke. ½*

Money in the Bank Ladder Match – Seth Rollins defeats Kofi Kingston, Rob Van Dam, Dolph Ziggler, Dean Ambrose and Jack Swagger 

Rich: Is it possible for a screwjob ending to take a potential five star match down a few pegs? I was near that territory if Dean Ambrose runs out and grabs that briefcase to the biggest pop of the night. Nope, we needed fucking Kane to get involved in every major feud. So stupid. Anyway, this was a neuro/spinal surgeons dream match with a ton of crazy spots most of which guys taking flat bumps from 30-feet up or onto a ladder. I loved this match until the last few seconds which I thought absolutely destroyed what could’ve been a classic, sure-fire Match of the Year contender. Everybody worked their asses off here and this should be a match we talk about at the end of the year but instead “storiez!” take over. Never change WWE. ****1/2

Larry:  Seth Rollins really needs to get rid of this awful X-Men: The Last Stand Wolverine entrance attire.  Perhaps he should go to WWE Shop and get that totally awesome Jack Swagger shirt with the outline of his hand over his heart.  I might wear that on laundry day.  MIGHT.  Kofi flips around and takes wacky bumps.  Swagger eats most of the big spots.  Van Dam has his token mid-match sequence where he gets his greatest hits in.  Ziggler naps outside for most of the match.  Rollins and Ambrose, when not outside hanging out, are beating each other up.  Then Ambrose gets taken to the back because HE HAS A DISLOCATED SHOULDER.  Then…people die.  Rob Van Dam slips off the ladder to pull/tear a hamstring…Seth Rollins gets back body dropped off the ladder and the ladder didn’t exactly do what it was supposed to do as it fell off the ropes and Rollins went head first into the mat.  Somehow, Rollins avoids paralysis.  Ambrose comes back (no one saw that coming)…Kane comes out…Rollins wins.  Eh, fuck this.  Pretty run-of-the-mill before the car crash, which made it awesome…then its got a shit finish.  Boo-urns.  ***

Taylor: This match was really fun to watch. I love ladder matches, especially when there aren’t stupid “Jeff Hardy” styled spots that have nothing to do with winning the match. This match was free from those and it definitely helped. Every wrestler was dedicated to trying to win the match. When Rollins was climbing the ladder solo and the crowd was going ballistic chanting “WE WANT AMBROSE!” it was a true testament to how over as a face Ambrose is and how over as a heel Rollins is. I loved that Ambrose got his comeuppance with pounding Rollins with a steel chair. It had a nice narrative there in telling their story. Rollins and Ambrose need to have nice long blood hatred filled feud much like Jericho and Michaels did in ‘08. This match was teetering on 4 ¾ – 5 star range until Kane’s music hit. Why in the heck did he need to come out to help Rollins win this? I get that Rollins is a heel, but I am so sick of Kane being on my TV. Can’t the Authority get some new muscle? ****1/4 - WWE Money in the Bank 2014Bryan Rose: Sick of Kane. Every time I hear the music and he comes out I groan, and not because he’s a great heel. Now he’s going to feud with Dean Ambrose, which should do wonders for his career like so many others. But getting that out of the way, this was a fantastic match with a ton of great high spots. Kofi’s springboard dive was his one move that was really cool. Ziggler’s story throughout the match was interesting, as well as the one between Ambrose and Rollins. RVD seemed in his element too and busted out some cool spots. I think Rollins winning is fine, but the finish could have been so much better. ****1/4

BJ:  You knew this was going to boil down to Ambrose vs. Rollins, but how sad was it that Dolph Ziggler was really only in the match (collectively) for like two minutes? There were some great spots, but there was also a whole lot of guys waiting around outside the ring with nothing to do until their spot came up, which always bugs me. I felt bad for the crowd. Clearly they wanted to cheer on Ziggler, but they exploded when Ambrose came back from the injury. I enjoyed it. The thing with Kane was kind of obvious, but what are you going to do? ***

Blake: I really appreciate when ladder matches start with “mad scrambles,” because it’s just good psychology.We witnessed a new world record tonight – with Kofi Kingston standing alone atop the ladder after sending Seth Rollins to a sick bump, he looked at the camera. In that moment, the world record for “most obvious thing that was not going to happen” was set. This was a really entertaining match until apparently just before The Demon Kane came out, when I had even more connectivity issues and missed the end of the match. This is not my night/week/month. On the bright side, this keeps Ambrose-Rollins hot and the crowd very clearly wants that (as do I) as a one-on-one match. Sucks to use a match this good primarily as a vehicle to further the feud, but it is what it is.  N/A (Was a solid **** before I lost visual and missed the apparently terrible ending.)

Goldust & Stardust defeat Curtis Axel & Ryback

Rich: Some people like the Stardust thing, I don’t. Some people like Goldust, I don’t. I don’t like the team, I think it severely hurts Cody in the future and the reaction tonight confirms to me that it’s not going to do either favors. The crowd couldn’t have cared less, maybe it’s their opponents, who knows. This match wasn’t very good, it lasted longer than it should have but literally nothing stood out to me. I didn’t hate it but I didn’t love it, just kind of there for me in the long run. *1/2

Larry:  Random Thoughts:  Is Curtis Axel wearing CW Anderson’s old tights?  Also…he’s got the most unfortunate depiction of a weapon on his trunks since Brock Lesnar’s chest tat.  Out of all of Cody Rhodes’ going-no-where gimmicks…is Stardust the best?…or the worst?  I’m not sure yet.  This was a third-quarter Smackdown timeslot match if there ever was one. *3/4

Taylor:  I dig Stardust, I have always dug Goldust, I dig Rybaxel’s improvements in the ring, I dig Curtis Axel’s tribute singlet to his dad and grandpa, I dig that the WWE has enough tag teams in their tag division to have two tag team matches in one PPV. This match was a standard WWE tag match with a hot tag and the heels costing each other match. I want more Dream dusters and there is hope for Rybaxel after all. ** ½ - WWE Money in the Bank 2014Bryan: Solid, albeit basic match. Was hoping Stardust would use the diamond dust move again, but alas he did the old crossroads finish. Well, that and a rollup. Ok. But not much to talk about. This was a showcase for the new team, they won in a more competitive match than two weeks ago, so this was fine. **

BJ:  It was ok, I guess. I mean it is what it is, Stardust is great, but clearly they’re in some kind of holding pattern. So you’ve got them feuding endlessly with Rybaxel, who honestly to me anyway are way more interesting characters. It’s just one of those things where it’s entirely forgettable but you enjoy it while it happens. Ryback shouting back to the crowd “I still got it”, when they were chanting “Feed Me More”, was fantastic. Rybaxel needs way more screen time. They’re one of the more interesting teams.  **

Blake: EAT SLEEP TWEET DELETE EMBIID. I don’t have many wrestling friends but I got three texts during this match about Stardust. So…I don’t know if that means it’s working, but people seem to have an opinion one way or the other. At the very least, the Dustbusters have incredible chemistry and generally bring it in the ring every time out. This match was just alright, though, probably because it’s been done to death, or they were in a death spot. I don’t know. I like three of the four participants but this was underwhelming. **

Rusev defeats Big E

Rich: Another dominating Rusev match but easily my favorite match in their long series. Rusev’s destructive offense continues to improve and this match had a lot of little nuggets from their previous matches including that ridiculous mid-rope spear to the outside by Big E. It was a prolonged squash but a highly entertaining one and Big E got just enough offense to not look like a total chump but Rusev still looked like a dominating force. I love Rusev so much. ***1/2

Larry:  Big E comes out with the Stars and Stripes again.  And this time, he’s got a PIP Promo where he lets us know he is cancelling the apocalypse because today, we celebrate our Independence Day…FOR AMERICA.  Maybe he should have come down to “Living In America” with an Uncle Sam outfit.  They really played off some of their spots from their last pay per view match, but expounded on everything.  Rusev showed some vulnerability THEN CRUUUUUUUSHED.  This was Rusev and Big E’s best singles match on the main roster so far. ***1/2

Taylor: Not only did the wrestler’s make call backs to their previous match, but the commentators pointed them out as well. The commentary team has been surprisingly refreshing tonight . They’ve actually been talking about what has been going on in the match for once.  This was Rusev’s longest match and it was awesome. I love matches with two big behemoths just duking it out. Loved that Big E ALMOST countered the Accolade, but couldn’t do it. It really put over Big E and continued to put Rusev over in a big way. The WWE could really keep this feud going and have Big E eventually go over with both men leaving the feud in better shape than they were before the feud started. ***1/2

Bryan: This was a very solid match, much more interesting than their other matches in the past. In fact, this is the best Rusev’s looked yet. They had a big guy battle with a lot of brawling and punching. Big E got a lot of stuff in, including his dive to the outside which I don’t think he should be doing in every match. He submitted, but only after attempting to fight out of the Accolade. Maybe this feud will continue, I dunno. They don’t have a lot of other guys to feud with Good match.  ***

BJ: I enjoyed this. I feel bad for Big E though. He’s an incredibly marketable wrestler, but it seems like they’re doing everything they can to keep his real personality from shining through. Now he’s doing this preacher thing? I don’t know. I’m not too crazy about it. I was kind of hoping Rusev would lose this so that the two of them could have a legitimate excuse for a rematch. Instead we’re just going to get, “Oh hey. I guess Rusev and Big E. are fighting again, I guess.” Great job by both guys though. The spear through the ropes was fantastic. ***

Blake: LANA! Serious question – are Big E.’s promos of late a joke, or ironic, or tongue-in-cheek, or what? This was a pretty good match, a solid hoss fight that incorporated previous meetings, which is always an interesting wrinkle. I wouldn’t have minded Big E. getting the W to extend this a month with some interest until Rusev is ready for a bump up the card, but you can’t fault strapping a slow-burn rocket to the Bulgarian, especially since the crowd is reacting well for him now. Oh, and LANA. I would superkick Obama through plate glass and tattoo a hammer and sickle on my face. ***

**Click here to continue to part two of our review**