Due to time constraints, this probably won’t be the best Raw review of all time (finals and reading and papers, oh my!). But something is better than nothing, right?
A recap of what happened last week airs, with John Cena looking sad as he had to take on all 3 Wyatts, then maybe lost or something against them with Wyatt cradling his head after being laid out.
A steel cage is seen as Cena makes his way to the ring. He asks why he deserved that last week. The fans replied “you suck”. That’s not nice. He basically says there will be a time when he steps down and lists some names. He says Bray Wyatt’s passion is Bray Wyatt. Why is he standing in a steel cage? Because he wants to keep Bray Wyatt’s message in this cage.
Suddenly, it goes dark. Children begin singing the “Whole world in your hands” song. The lights go on and it seems to be a choir of children singing. Lights go out again. The Wyatts arrive and make their way to the ring with the children. More singing. The lights go out again, and when they come back on the children are wearing goat masks. Wyatt. with a child on his lap, begins laughing as it cuts to commercial. That was great.
WWE Tag Team Championship – Usos vs. Rybaxel: I guess they don’t have time to do this on Extreme Rules. Rybaxel get the heat on Usos but they rally back. Jey Uso looks to have injured his leg area as he had it taped up. Ryback goes for the shellshock but Jey counters with a rollup. Axel hits a perfectplex but Jimmy, the legal man, hits a splash and covers for the pinfall. This was a fun match with some good heat towards the end.
Adam Rose vignette. He’s coming.
Paul Heyman promo. Starts running down RVD. He says he’s a convincing liar and has an unethical approach to business, but he brings his clients to the top. Cesaro says that’s all he needed to hear.
Recap of Monster Kane destroying Daniel Bryan last week.
A shot of Kane’s mask is shown then it quickly goes to the arena.
Sheamus makes his way to the ring, but Titus jumps him as he makes his entrance. He gets beat on forever and ever until they have a match. Titus then eats a brouge kick and gets pinned almost immediately. I don’t even have words. WWE is just excellent in making people looks like idiots and jobbers. TNA can’t even compare.
Bo Dallas promo. He’s coming too.
Dolph Ziggler arrives and talks about superhero movies making it to the big screen in the next few months. He plugs the new X-Men movie. One of my worst experiences in a theater was watching X-Men 3. Not because of the movie itself, but because there was a kid crying the ENTIRE TIME and no one did anything about it. Er, anyway. He introduces Hugh Jackman. Jackman says it’s great to be here on Raw. Ziggler shows a clip of what happened last time he was here, where he got punched out by Jackman. They decide to bury the hatchet and they’re friends now. Yay!
Suddenly, there is evil laughter. MAGNETO APPEARS. He looks a lot like Damien Sandow. He says finally someone with intelligence is playing this role. Anyway, they babbled on and on until Sandow tried to use his magnetism powers, but they failed him. Jackman gives him an armdrag and Ziggler lands the zig zag to end the segment. I didn’t entirely hate this segment.
Jack Swagger vs. Cesaro. Heyman cut a promo telling a joke that led talk about Lesnar beating the streak. It was pretty funny. Back and forth match that was pretty ok. Coulter grabs Zeb’s leg but Heyman grabs his moustache. Swagger argues, and Cesaro catches him from behind with a German for the pin. Well, at least that blows off this riveting feud.
A replay airs of what opened Raw. Renee Young asks John for a reaction, but he didn’t have one.
Kane’s mask is seen again.
Cody Rhodes vs. Alberto del Rio. Neither got entrances. It really is amazing how quickly you can be relegated to nothing in WWE in regards to Alberto. Decent match but it didn’t last long. Alberto superkicks the arm of Cody and locks in the armbar and Cody taps. He shoves Goldust aside after the match, so the slow build to maybe a turn or not is still going on.
Heyman is advising Cesaro about something.
John Cena with Make a Wish kids. Does anyone really want him to turn heel?
RVD is interviewed and says Bad News Barrett is going down tonight. Coulter suddenly arrives. He says that they have a common enemy in Paul Heyman and they should work together to take them out. RVD says no thanks, he just wants to be RVD. This did not please Coulter.
Most Watched Shows on WWE Network list for this week. Legends House Episode 2 was #1, followed by Raw Pre-Show, LEgends House episode 1, Wrestlemania 30, Raw Backstage Pass ,WWE Main Event, WWE Slam City (?), WWE Hall of Fame, the Warrior bio and WWE NXT was #10. NXT should be way higher.
Coulter is seen advising Swagger about something.
Los Matadores vs. Drew McIntyre and Heath Slater: Hornswoggle and Torito will continue their feud on the pre show this Sunday in a WeeLC match. Yes, WEE. I have no idea what this entails but it sounds more exciting than most of the main card frankly. Slater wins with a DDT after Hornswoggle and Torito are seen going at it on the outside after Torito attacked Mahal. Yes, Heath Slater won a match on Raw. Hornswoggle went for a dive on the outside but landed flat on his face. Torito then takes out the other two geeks as the Matadores celebrate their hard earned loss.
Stephanie McMahon arrives. She asks Daniel Bryan to come out. Daniel Bryan and Brie Bella come out wearing a neckbrace. Daniel says he almost believed her last week when she kept telling Kane to stop, but then he remembered she was full of crap. Stephanie says she deserves that and runs down how they tried to stop Daniel Bryan for all those months. But when Kane went into demon mode he went way too far and for that she’s sorry. She apologizes to Brie. Daniel Bryan says he agrees with the fans; he still thinks she’s full of crap.
Stephanie says come down to the ring and look in my eyes. Daniel Bryan says he’ll see the eyes of a liar. His head hurts, he can’t move his neck but he will be cleared for Extreme Rules and if Kane is going to take him down, he’s going to take everyone down straight to hell. Stephanie says that although Daniel can’t fight until Extreme Rules, Brie Bella will get an opportunity to face Paige tonight for the Diva’s championship. Daniel Bryan says he won’t let Brie go down here by herself. Stephanie says that’s cool. So they go down and the match starts imminently.
A shot of Kane’s mask is seen aga-OH WAIT, IT’S GONE! UH OH!!!
WWE Divas Championship – Paige vs. Brie Bella: Short match. Paige hits a superplex when all of a sudden Kane’s music hit. He comes up from under the ring and tries to take Brie down with him. Bryan runs in and stops him with a monkeywrench. He gets Brie away, but Kane runs in and chokeslams him. Brie wisely then runs into the ring in front of Kane to check on Bryan. WHAT? Kane smartly grabs her and starts to drag her down but somehow flees anyway. Hokey to the max, as per usual “OMG KANE IS A MONSTER NOW” standards.
Daniel is being checked up on by medical staff when Stephanie walks in. She says she’s sorry and asks if Daniel Bryan will even be able to compete at Extreme Rules. Daniel says he will and she’ll regret ever involving his wife into this. Stephanie starts to cry, but Brie doesn’t buy it and tells her to get out, you bitch. Stephanie sulks away.
John Cena is now ready for an interview, Renee says as he begins speaking. He says he didn’t know what to say after that choir from earlier, but he was wrong about something. The WWE Universe didn’t turn against him and started to make jokes about Bray Wyatt on a donkey or something. Then says he’ll bust a foot in Bray’s ass at the PPV. This was so not needed.
Bad News Barrett arrives on his thingamajig. He says the last time RVD was relevant he was wearing diapers, and tonight when he beats RVD he’ll be back wearing diapers. I think he meant he’ll be the one wearing diapers. Oops!
Bad News Barrett vs. Rob Van Dam for the #1 Contendership to the WWE Intercontinental Title. Cole instructs us to watch the app for Big E’s thoughts on his match Sunday. You know, after hyping this tournament for weeks you think Big E would cut a promo or talk about his match on Sunday here on this three hour television program, but I guess there’s just no room on this show that reaches over 4 million people a week. Gosh darn it! Back and forth match, nothing too special but it was fine. RVD looks to go for a rolling thunder but then Cesaro comes in, only for Swagger to run in and interfere. Barrett goes for the bull hammer elbow but RVD counters, hits a rolling thunder and after knocking down Cesaro hits the five star frog splash for the pin.
Cesaro, Swagger and RVD all attack one another after the match. RVD lays out Cesaro with the frog splash as I guess this is now a three way feud.
Shield promo. They promise victory tonight and at Extreme Rules. People popped for Roman when he started to speak so it’s clear people are already getting behind him.
Randy Orton vs. Roman Reigns.Triple H cuts a promo saying he should be mad about the 11 on 3 match from Smackdown but he isn’t. Orton says they aren’t the new Evolution. Triple H promises the Shield they will either adapt or perish Sunday. Shield make their way to the ring, but then suddenly Ric Flair’s music plays. He talks about his runs with the Four Horsemen and Evolution. But, he eventually gives his endorsement to the Shield. Ooh. They start to have a match at like exactly 8:05. How do they manage to go overtime on a 3 hour show? Back and forth match, mostly.Triple H interferes causing Orton to jump Reigns, but suddenly the Shield arrive and clear house. Reigns exits the ring and starts fighting the others for a DQ or something, like the hell I know.
A long beatdown ensues that eventually leads to the Shield rallying. They attempt a triple powerbomb on Triple H, but the others run in with chairs that the Shield quickly take care of. Triple H bails and the heels retreat as Raw leaves the air.
I thought this was better than most of the last few weeks. I watch these shows later on in the night, but looking at my Twitter timeline (@br26, plug plug) it looked pretty boring and terrible. And while the Kane stuff is hokey, and there were some of the same old squash matches and promo vignettes, this wasn’t too terrible of a show. I enjoyed the Swagger/RVD/Cesaro storyline thoroughut the show. The opening segment was pretty cool, although the promo later didn’t serve any purpose. The main event scenario was fine as well. The Kane stuff is really bad, but hopefully this just lasts the next month or so. Bryan has better things to do than to feud with Kane…at least in my mind. Fine show with some dumb stuff here and there.