Tonight on Raw…Daniel Bryan will face Kane. I know you can’t contain yourselves over that exciting grappling contest we’ve seen ten thousand times, so let’s just get to the show!
Raw starts off with Daniel Bryan! He’s back! Brie Bella is in the ring and the newlyweds celebrate with yesing. Stephanie immediately comes out because we can’t have an open without her. She’s all smiles. She says she couldn’t resist coming out here and congratulating them. Stephanie says she wants to give Daniel a gift. Her gift is that at Extreme Rules he’ll be facing Kane. Since Kane is now in DEMON MODE or whatever, she says that Brie should stay out of harm’s way or something. Kane’s music hits as Stephanie warns him to stay where he is. Bryan leads Brie to safety, but Kane jumps him from out of nowhere. He then proceeds to destroy Daniel Bryan, leaving him laying after 3 tombstones- one on the floor, another on the steel steps and another on top of the announce table. Stephanie kept telling him to stop, so it’s coming off like Kane can’t be controlled. This is a riveting feud straight out of 1998, 2003 and 2012. I’m probably missing all the other times they’ve tried to make Kane an interesting monster but failed.
They stretched him out after commercial. Stephanie says let’s give him a round of applause to boos.
Wade Barrett comes out for his match. He had some bad news. The luck of the Irish is running out. Today’s the day Sheamus gets beat by Bad News Barrett.
Bad News Barrett vs. Sheamus: They make note that Wade Barrett is a three-time Intercontinental champion. I remember he held the belt once, which tells you how prestigious this title is. Back and forth with Wade knocking Sheamus off the apron for the commercial break.
Wade has a sleeper in after commercial but Sheamus counters with a slam. Sheamus with the clubbing blows to the chest on the apron. He flies off onto Barrett for a nearfall then follows with the Irish curse backbreaker. Big E has now moved from from watching backstage in the locker room to backstage in the interview area. Sheamus misses a brogue kick but Wade gets the winds of change. He goes for the bull hammer elbow but Sheamus counters, grabs Barrett on the top rope and hits the white noise for another nearfall. Sheamus misses a clothesline, but hits the ropes and counters with a clothesline that sends them both to the floor. Sheamus gets back in, but Wade comes in out of nowhere with the bull hammer elbow for the pinfall. He advances to the finals in a very good match.
Bo Dallas promo. He’s coming whether you like it or not.
They showed clips of when Hugh Jackman was last on Raw. To illustrate how long it’s been, Ziggler was wrestling Zack Ryder back when Ryder wasn’t a lower midcard geek. Feels like ages!
Tonight, you will be able to vote for John Cena to face Luke Harper, Rowan and Harper, or all 3 Wyatts. Hmm.
This brings out the Wyatts. Bray says that free will is man’s biggest illusion. What have we become, a nation of mindless sheep led by wolves and fed by pigs? Tonight will be a wonderful night for change. Tonight they leave the power in your hands, those fools. Tonight free will does exist and you will make a choice. What will you choose? Will this be the night that John Cena learn we are all against him? At Extreme Rules, two monsters will enter. After Extreme Rules, they won’t love John Cena anymore. The fans kept WHATing. Wyatt then sings his song NO WHY DOES THIS HAVE TO BE A THING.
Los Matadores and Torito vs. McIntryre, Jinder Mahal and Hornswoggle: A video package was shown highlighting their feud on Main Event where Torito hit McIntyre and Mahal in the balls. Torito and Hornswoggle are immediately tagged in and exchange punches. Torito with a hurricanrana. Bronco buster! Moonsault follows but Mahal breaks it up. McIntyre is tagged in and he and Torito go at it. Torito ducks under Torito and spears Heath Slater in the balls and with the Matadores’ help pins McIntryre after a splash from the top rope. I remember when McIntyre made his debut and Vince McMahon said he was going to be a future world champion. Well, maybe he still can in TNA.
Evolution arrive in suits. They’re next.
They all come out to the old music and pose. Triple H says some stuff, Randy Orton says some scripted verbiage. One error led to the reunion of Evolution. They show clips of what they’ve done in the past, then show what they did to the Shield last week. Batista asks if everything’s becoming clear. 31 world titles in this ring. Shield has no idea what they’ve gotten themselves into. Deal with that.
Shield’s music hits as they arrive. They run Evolution out of the ring as Ambrose says that wasn’t the first time they’ve been beaten up before and it won’t be the last. Ambrose has a question to Triple H- do we look humbled to you? These dogs are hungry and now they’re angry. Rollins says he has every right to be angry after last week. We started this, so here’s a little dose of reality- you say how destructive you are but you’re not. In two weeks, they’ll come face to face with the Shield and it will be an all out war.
Rollins says that when you made the match against the Shield, you put nails in your own coffin and at Extreme Rules we’ll be the hammer to bolt them down. Reigns grabs the mic and says he’s gonna drop this mic and kick their ass in three seconds. You can be men and try to fight or you can be creampuffs and cowl away and hide. Watch, he says, and they make way….but then all the midcard heels arrive that stops them. Triple H says there’s a third option, either survive or adapt…that’s evolution. The heels smirk as the Shield stand there looking angry. This was probably the most interesting thing on the show, probably because you know who is still front and center in storylines.
There was a list of most watched shows on the WWE Network last week. The Warrior documentary, that I highly recommend by the way, was number 4. Another recommendation, the Daniel Bryan doc, was number 6. Wrestlemania 30, a great PPV, was number 2. Number one? LEGENDS HOUSE. Since it’s new I’ll be nice but there are better things on the network, people. They’re now promoting a Hall of Fame show that will show inductions. Doesn’t sound that interesting to be honest.
Rybaxel are on commentary as the next match is underway.
Usos vs. Cody Rhodes and Goldust: They show clips of Jimmy Uso getting married, which was a nice ceremony highlighted by the use of both Naomi and Jimmy’s shoot names. So weird to do that on Raw. Ryback made sure to note the commentary sucks. That’s nothing new. Quick match with Cody being worked on mostly. He cuts off one of them and goes for crossroads, but one of the Usos superkick Cody and cover him for the pin fall.
After the match, Goldust tries to console Cody, but Cody pushes him aside and walks away, signaling a heel turn down the line. Rybaxel jump the Usos after and lay them out, so they look to be the next contenders for the titles.
Slam City commercial.
Layla vs. Emma: Emma shakes Santino’s hand, but Fandango grabs Santino’s foot and drags him off the apron. Layla mostly controls but then Santino fires back with a cobra shot. Emma then takes out a FEMALE COBRA and strikes Layla with it to score the victory. I enjoyed that and I have no idea why.
John Cena promo. He says tonight his fate lies with the WWE Universe. He says he appreciates the WWE fan’s choices but if they’re voting for all 3 Wyatts tonight then his back is against the wall. Tonight’s objective is to survive, but at Extreme Rules the odds will be even.
Perry Saturn’s music plays as finally, the best Radical of them all returns. Wait, no, it’s Cesaro. What on Earth? Paul Heyman does his spiel but suddenly it cuts to a commercial. That’s odd. Back from it, Paul Heyman makes sure to note Brock Lesnar defeated Undertaker at Wrestlemania. RVD’s music then hits to stop the repetitiveness.
RVD vs. Cesaro: Back and forth throughout. RVD manages to avoid a shoulder thrust into the steel post, but Cesaro dropkicks him into it anyway, sending him spilling out onto the floor for a commercial break.
Tell me if this isn’t news to you, but Cesaro has a sleeper on RVD as we come back from commercial. Cesaro controls for a while until he blocks a shot to the corner and instead kicks Cesaro. RVD motions for the rolling thunder but gets a nearfall. RVD with a kick off the top rope and motions for the five star frog splash but Cesaro strikes back with the uppercut. RVD kicks him back down and hits a split legged moonsault for another nearfall.
RVD gets his leg caught in the ropes and Cesaro counters with another uppercut. Cesaro gets caught in a leg scissors rollup, but he kicks out. Cesaro with a TIGER DRIVER for another nearfall. Cesaro motions for the swing, but suddenly Jack Swagger’s music hits. These two should really switch music. RVD kicks Cesaro in the face as Swagger and Coulter make their way to the ring. Swagger distracts Cesaro, but Cesaro hits a flying RVD with an uppercut. Heyman distracts Coulter as Cesaro throws RVD back in the ring, but Swagger pushes Cesaro into the steel post and ends up getting counted out. RVD advances to the finals against Bad News Barrett. This isn’t as terrible as some people are making it out to be. Also a pretty good match!
Swagger jumps Cesaro after the match but Cesaro dumps him over the top rope to the floor. Zeb tries to flee, but Cearo corners him and motions for the swing, but Swagger aids Zeb’s escape, only to get caught and swung. I guess this is gonna be a match for Extreme Rules. Maybe winner gets the cool song and loser gets Perry Saturn’s old song.
Paige vs. Aksana: The orbital assassin (Editors note: this nickname needs to take off) takes care of Paige early. Paige rolls out of a leg hold and gives Aksana some offense but she’s cut off. She fights back with a sleeper hold, but Paige knees her in the nose then locks in the scorpion cross lock for the submission. People were into Paige, but not into the match, which wasn’t much.
Alexander Rusev vs. Sin Cara: WWE Autopilot Booking Mode is in full effect as I’m pretty sure this match and the last match are both rematches from Smackdown that have had the same result. I used to remember when Raw and Smackdown had different matches on different shows. That was pretty cool. Rusev dominates early. Sin Cara mounts an offensive, but Rusev cuts him off quickly with a shoulder block, then gives him a tilt-a-whirl slam and locks in the accolade for the submission.
Another Bo Dallas vignette.
John Cena comes out to cheers. Lawler gets the mic and reveals the results of the poll- while some voted for Harper, the winner is all 3 Wyatt family members. That’s cold, yo.
John Cena vs. The Wyatt Family: Cena looked pretty sad when he saw the voting result. The heels jump Cena before the bell rings, then once it does ring they’re in full control. Harper works him over, then Bray. Cena briefly with a comeback but Harper takes him down quickly. Cena hits a German but it’s 3 on 1, remember, so Harper tags in Rowan and goes back to working over Cena. Bray looks like he’s about to kick Cena’s head in, but smiles and tags in Harper. Cena fights back with an STF but it’s broken up. Harper takes him out of the ring and throws him into the steps for a commercial.
Back from it, Harper goes for a superplex but Cena blocks hit. He flies off for some offense but Harper cuts him off. More destruction from the Wyatts. Wyatt is tagged in, does more offense then does the crab walk, but walks into a clothesline from Cena. Cena does his comeback and hits the FU, but Harper and Rowan run in and the ref calls the match out? What on Earth?
Wyatt then leaves Cena laying with the Sister Abigail and sings his song over and over to end Raw.
Another show that didn’t do much for me. I enjoyed both IC tournament matches though, so there’s that. Evolution/Shield is pretty interesting so I’m looking forward to that in a couple of weeks as well. Both the Kane/Bryan and Wyatt/Cena stuff is coming off as completely uninteresting. however. Main event was kind of pointless if Wyatt’s doing another job at ER. Plus man that was an awful stoppage. They still have another week before Extreme Rules, though, so let’s just see where it goes.