Raw starts off with THE HULKSTER! He comes out and starts talking about all the great matches he can now watch on the WWE Network, brother. Lists his opponents from the past such as Ultimate Warrior and Randy Savage. Says that the one he remembers the most is his match against Andre the Giant at Wrestlemania 3, dude. Says that this match wants him to create something new, jack. Announces the Andre the Giant Memorial 30 Man Battle Royal. Says he can’t wait to make history and asks what we’re gonna do.
John Cena comes out and says a bunch of stuff praising Hogan. Eventually announces that he is the first man in the battle royal. BUT WAIT! The Wyatts appear. Bray calls Cena and Hogan liars. They’re here to give people hope but there is no hope. Cena responds by doing comedy, of course. He excuses himself from the Battle Royal because he challenges Wyatt to a match at WrestleMania.
Wyatt says it’s always fun and games with Cena until he gets caught in the spider’s web. The Wyatts start to circle Cena and Hogan….then commercial. Is this Impact? Back from commercial, there’s a match.
John Cena vs. Erik Rowan. It was announced earlier that Harper would take on Cena, but plans change…except the ones that need changing the most. Rowan is in control with a sleeper. They don’t have much of a match. A bearhug now applied. Rowan puts Cena over his shoulders but Cena falls to the ground and wins with a rollup. Uh, ok?
The Wyatts circle around Hogan and Cena again, but the Wyatts bail as Hogan’s music plays and they pose.
The Authority arrive to dress down more people. Stephanie says that Daniel is up for a firing due to what he did to Triple H last week. But Stephanie says that since that there is value in the Daniel Bryan name, a nice market, and as long as he admits he’s wrong and apologizes in the middle of the ring. Says Triple H is bigger than Daniel Bryan in every conceivable way. The New Age Outlaws suddenly arrive and greet Triple H and Stephanie as they make their way to the ring to commentate on the next match.
Usos vs. Rybaxel: Ryback does a inset promo saying he’ll be in the battle royal at WrestleMania and be the best big guy in WWE history when he wins. LOLOL. Ryback gets heat after throwing one of the Usos head first into the ropes. Heels work them over, but the Usos fire back, with one hitting a splash to the outside on Ryback and the other hitting the superfly splash for the pinfall.
Kane is with the Shield who berates them for their actions the last few weeks. Kane says that as Director of Operations, he seems them as a valuable asset and wants to light a fire under them to see if they still are, or if they’re disposable. Says that Reigns and Rollins will take on the Rhodes brothers. Rollins asks is this about the Shield, or is it the fact that Kane lost to Daniel Bryan on Main Event and got knocked out by Show on Smackdown. Reigns says that they’ll deal with any monster that gets in their way- believe that.
Jack Swagger vs. Big E: No entrances because neither are important. The curse of the Intercontinental title seems to be in full effect for Big E at this point. Big E does some punches on the corner but Swagger cuts him off. Inset promo about Big E being in the battle royal and promises to stand triumphant like Andre did at Wrestlemania 2. Big E goes for a big splash, but Swagger clips his knee and holds him against the ropes. Coulter tells Cesaro on the outside to interfere, but Cesaro refuses. This leads to Big E rolling up Swagger for the three count.
Swagger gets right up in Cesaro’s face after the match. Coulter pulls them apart as they argue. Coulter then starts to argue at them. Coulter tells Swagger to shake Cesaro’s hand. He refuses. After much talking, they finally shake hands, but Cesaro puts pressure, hurting Swagger’s hand. So it’s all about to come to pot soon!
Match stipulation for the 10 millionth Christian vs Sheamus match tonight can either me 2/3 falls, street fight or falls count anywhere.
The Undertaker arrives and makes his long entrance. Brock Lesnar’s ADVOCATE Paul Heyman arrives. Paul Heyman introduces himself and says he’s the advocate for Brock Lesnar. Talks about the historic accomplishment that is the Undertaker’s streak. Puts out some statistics about other streaks (Cena has 4, HHH has 2, Hulk Hogan has 3). He is here tonight to ask him to not step into the ring with Brock Lesnar, because that streak will be conquered by Brock Lesnar.
Undertaker says that he wants to give a message that Brock Lesnar — that death might bring fear, but the greatest fear is that of the unknown. Basically says that if Lesnar steps foot in New Orleans, he will rest in peace. Expected something bigger, but this was simple enough and fine.
Tomorrow night on Main Event is Dean Ambrose vs. Mark Henry for the US title and AJ Lee vs. Natalya for the Diva’s title.
Shield vs. The Rhodes Brothers: Rollins is now being labeled the Architect of the Shield, which is a pretty accurate nickname. The Shield work over Rhodes for a while before he gets the hot tag and Goldust does his fun comeback. Double crossbody to both members of the Shield as Reigns is thrown to the floor, and Rollins lands on top of him. Ambrose steps in but can’t really do anything as we’re at commercial.
The Shield regain control as Rollins puts in a sleeper on Goldust. Goldust tries to fight back with a few elbows, but Reigns cuts him off. Goldust finally makes a hot tag and works over Rollins. Takes out Reigns and hits a moonsault on Rollins for a nearfall. Goldust and Reigns get in the ring, but Rhodes takes them out and tries for the crossroads but Rollings counters and hits a the curb stomp for the pinfall. The usual really solid Shield match.
Bellas vs. AJ Lee and Tamina: Natalya is on commentary talking about Total Divas. Match has a lot of Tamina working over Brie. AJ is tagged in. This went on a lot longer than normal Diva raw matches. Nikki makes the hot tag. Brie takes out Tamina on the outside as AJ cuts Nikki off and goes for the octopus stretch, but Nikki powers out and hits her finish for the pinfall. Natalya and Brie stare each other down after the match.
They interview NCIS Los Angeles cast members LL Cool J and Chris O’Donnell. They basically just plug their show that airs before Raw on USA.
Daniel Bryan makes his way to the ring. He’s quite over, as usual. Says that Stephanie’s apology from earlier wasn’t sincere. Triple H can come out here in a suit and that’s fine, but when he lays his hands on him and sends people down to attack him, he has to fight back. Says that he won’t apologize and tonight is the night where it all ends. He doesn’t listen to anyone. Tonight they will occupy Raw, which I guess is the better term for hijack. He invites a bunch of people to enter the ring as the crowd starts to fill up with occupiers.
By the time we return from commercial, all of ringside is filled with Yes Movement occupiers. Bryan leads the yes chants; this is a pretty cool visual. Triple H and Stephanie then arrive, not looking happy for once. Triple H buries them and says that they’ll give them 30 seconds to leave. The fans chant no. Triple H starts to call for security, but Daniel Bryan says that if they throw them out, they will make a ring outside and they’ll have their own show.
Security comes out, but there’s only two of them this week. Stephanie shrilly demands security does something, but they cannot. Stephanie says that Daniel Bryan is brainwashing them and not to back this horse. Triple H demands the next match to start anyway. Damien Sandow’s music hits and tries to head to the ring, but can’t as the crowd is completely filled with people. Sandow bails as Triple H and Stephanie arrive again.
Stephanie says don’t disrespect my husband, don’t disrespect my family by doing this. This is mine, all mine she says, and get out. Daniel Bryan reiterates he won’t leave until he gets his match. Triple H angrily agrees, saying he was protecting him at SummerSlam but now be careful what you wish for. They start to leave, but Daniel says that’s not all he wants. He says that if he beats Triple H, he wants a shot at the WWE title later that night. Triple H throws a gasket and has to be controlled by security. He says he gets everything he wants because at WrestleMania, this all ends. The occupiers and Daniel Bryan celebrate in the ring. That was a really awesome segment.
Jerry Lawler announces that the 34,634th match between Christian and Sheamus will be a Memphis Street Fight as voted on by fans on the WWE app.
Sheamus vs. Christian: I’m not recapping this for what feels like the third week in a row, sorry. Lots of weapon usage, including some guitars. They end up on the stage. Christian misses a kedo stick shot and swears, bleeping out Raw for two seconds. Christian has a drum set, but Sheamus brogue kicks Christian in the face with it and covers for the three count.
Batista is with Maddox, who says Triple H and Stephanie left, which leads to Orton coming in. Maddox say that they’re gone, but before they left they said for Orton and Batista to settle their differences since they are the A plus players here. Orton says he’ll do it for the Authority. Batista leaves, indifferent.
Russev and Lana do the same damn thing they do every week. I have no idea how this will get him over.
Package about what happened earlier tonight with Hogan until the Wyatts interrupt. Harper says they made the wrong decision tonight. Wyatt says that Cena is every bit a monster he is, and that he accepts, basically.
Big Show and Daniel Bryan vs. Batista and Randy Orton: Bryan takes out Orton early with a dive. Bryan has a sleeper on Orton but Orton powers out and tags in Batista who works over Bryan, then Orton joins in. Bryan escapes from Batista and makes the hot tag to Big Show who works over both of them until Orton takes out Big Show and pummels him with kicks. Tag to Batista who goes for the Batista bomb but Big Show powers out and tags in Bryan who pummels Orton with kicks. Orton goes for a rollup but Bryan sinks in the Yes Lock only for Batista to interfere.
Big Show takes out Batista, but Orton lays out Show with the RKO. Draping DDT followed by a RKO attempt, but Bryan counters with a backslide then hits the flying knee for the pinfall. Bryan celebrates as we go off the air.
I liked this show a lot. The big angle delivered and gave everyone what they wanted, so good for them. This kind of means that Bryan has to be in the WWE title match, so we’ll see if Bryan gets his big moment at Wrestlemania. Everything else was fine too, with the tension between Cesaro and Swagger apparent as well as a good ‘ol Battle Royal being announced. The Cena/Wyatt feud needs to gain some ground in all honesty, though. Cena doesn’t need to be doing the comedy shtick from this point forward. Really though, this was a fun show with some solid matches, particularly the Shield/Rhodes Brothers match.