Last week on Raw, Daniel Bryan beat Randy Orton despite the interference of Kane. Will The Authority make him the new face of WWE, the only real title worth mentioning around these parts? Will the show start with flowers and rainbows and unicorns as a result? Will Triple H and Stephanie McMahon, along with the million other authority figures on this show all turn into dust and ceast to exist? Will we get a Daniel Bryan/Antonio Cesaro 60 minute ironman match as a result of this? Let’s find out now!

Raw opens with Big Show and yes, Betty White appearing before the crowd. The crowd approved of Betty as she says she’s thrilled to be a part of Raw. Big Show asks what Betty White plans to do tonight. Betty says we’re gonna kick some ass as suddenly Triple H’s music hits. Triple H and Stephanie arrive and greet Betty, but Triple H keeps his eye on Big Show and grins at him as they make their way to the ring. - Betty White

Triple H says that last week they said they might reconsider making Daniel Bryan into the face of WWE, but they’re also considering the rest of the Chamber entrants. Randy Orton then makes his way to the ring. When has Raw not opened with these three going on and on? Even Stephanie says “Randy, are you really doing this again?” She suggests he prepares for his main event tonight. Randy says he wanted to come out here and apologize to Stephanie and Hunter.  He needs to give them what they want so he can get what he wants.He says he’ll bring the viper out tonight against John Cena.

Stephanie says that sounds great, but how can they trust him? Orton says it comes from the heart as Daniel Bryan chants start. Orton says it was here at the Staples Center where they made him the face of the WWE and he wants to be the face outside of the WWE. He is the heart and soul of WWE. Daniel Bryan’s music hits as he arrives. Daniel Bryan says that Orton isn’t the face of the WWE, but another body part.

Stephanie cuts in and says how dare they interrupt them, the true stars of this television program Monday Night Raw. If they want to talk to them they need to make an appointment with the Director of Operations. Well I guess they finally clarified what the hell a Director of Operations does.  Daniel Bryan says Kane tried to interfere in his match last week, but failed as he beat Randy Orton and wants a match with Kane tonight. Stephanie replies that Kane is on administrative leave for one week and has a strongly worded letter in his personnel file for his actions last week. I thought that was a really funny line.

Bryan runs them down a bit then Orton cuts him off asking who the hell he is. He says that he should worship the ground Stephanie and Hunter walk on. Bryan says that he already knows Orton really likes Stephanie, alluding to their crappy angle from 2009. Orton says that, given the word, he’ll punt this little creep’s head off back to Seattle, but Triple H says that isn’t necessary as Daniel Bryan has the night off. Bryan starts with the NO chants, but it’s to no avail as The Authority have made up their mind.

Mark Henry returns TONIGHT!

Randy Orton vs. John Cena part 33535 TONIGHT!

Rey Mysterio, Cody Rhodes & Goldust vs. The Wyatt Family: Rhodes and Rowan start things. Rhodes is wearing a knee brace after last week’s steel cage match. Golly, wonder how he got that one. Tag to Goldust and Rowan who go at it for a bit before it breaks out into a brawl and Mysterio slides off the apron and into the Wyatts as we go into commercial. - Luke Harper

Back from commercial, the Wyatts have Goldust in the corner as Harper and Rowan work on him. Wyatt himself starts working on him. Goldust cuts Rowan off with a handspring elbow. Hot tag to Mysterio who does his thing and plants Harper with a tilt a whirl DDT for a nearfall. 619 on Harper but Wyatt escapes, only to be taken out with a crossbody by Rhodes, who gets taken out by Rowan who gets taken out by a senton by Goldust.

Back in the ring, Mysterio puts Harper in the 619 position but Wyatt makes a tag and in one fluid motion grabs Mysterio while he’s running and plants him with the Sister Abigail for the pinfall. That was a really cool finish to a solid little match.

Wyatt says people have tried to stop them before, but have all failed. The Shield will be no different. They’re nothing more than toy soldiers, and he’s just waiting for the next game.

Rumble video of Roman Reigns eliminating 12 other people. Shield are interviewed by Renee. Rollins says they speak in absolutes. Ambrose says that they’ll absolutely destroy the Shield. Renee mentions to Ambrose that he hasn’t defended his United States title lately. Ambrose says what is he supposed to do, pull out title contenders out of thin air? Reigns, unimpressed with Ambrose’s logic, asks what kind of champion does he want to be. Ambrose says he resents that and that he’ll defend his title against anyone tonight.

Betty White is randomly hanging out with a bunch of the divas who are all lined up strangely in a way no human beings would ever hang out with one another in such a manner in real life. Vickie barges in and says something which leads to Natalya explaining the synopsis of Betty White’s show on Lifetime. This brings in the New Age Outlaws, who says that the divas are going to play a prank on White and that they’re here to protect her. They all walk off to go have some tea as the divas just stand there, with one saying “I want some tea”.

Michael Cole and co. digest things as they show highlights of a John Cena and Randy Orton match from 2009.

Christian and Sheamus vs. The Real Americans TONIGHT!

Santino Marella vs. Fandango: Emma and Summer Rae are at ringside. Crowd quickly becomes bored as suddenly Miz comes to the commentary, complains, then promptly leaves. Miz is really good at being annoying and making me want to change the channel with his various personas. Fandango wins with the leg drop.

Byron Saxton, making his debut as an interviewer, asks Sheamus about teaming with Christian tonight.. He first mentions, since this is the first time he’s been able to have a promo on this three hour television program in two weeks, that he’s glad to be back in the WWE. Basically just says he’s fine with Christian tonight but it won’t be the same at the Elimination Chamber.

Christian (who gets no entrance) & Sheamus vs. Real Americans: Vince McMahon continues to be obsessed with Christian’s appearance as there were a bunch of face of WWE jokes abound, including “JBL” reeling at the thought of Christian as being the face of WWE. Add this to the list of annoying WWE ribbings i’ll be hearing for weeks. Because that’s the real point of this program, making sure we all know Christian has a ugly face, Daniel Bryan is a ugly troll unworthy of a main event run, Dolph Ziggler being a geek and Billy Gunn only having one line a week. Real Americans come out with Coulter who says they make him sick and that these two foreigners have been licking their wounds they’ve been Real Americans, or something. Wasn’t paying attention to be honest, was more annoyed to hell about these little things WWE does to bury their own people because THERE’S NO POINT TO IT. Ugh. Loud “We The People” chants. Sheamus and Cesaro have a really fun brawl as Sheamus unleashes a clothesline off the top for a nearfall.

Cesaro cuts him off with a big boot that sends him spiraling to the floor thanks to an assist from Swagger. Sheamus tags in Christian who starts his comeback, which of course means more face jokes. Cesaro cuts him off with an uppercut. Tag to Swagger as both Real Americans work over Christian until he makes the hot tag where Sheamus takes care of Swagger and goes for the Brogue kick but Cesaro blocks it, leading to him and Sheamus going at it for a bit before Christian launches off with a crossbody, leading Sheamus to pin Swagger following the Brogue Kick. Good match, infuriating commentary.

Renee Young is with John Cena. He says for the LAST DECADE there have been two names at the top of WWE consistently- John Cena and Randy Orton. But people want change, and he can’t deny there are new names like Daniel Bryan that people are getting behind. Tonight he’ll close his rivalry with Randy Orton (lol) and he’ll make a statement tonight by beating him. He urges Cesaro, Bryan, Shield or the Wyatts that if they want to lead the future of WWE, they have to know first they’ll have to go through him. - Batista Del RioAlberto Del Rio vs. Dolph Ziggler: Dolph takes him out with a dropkick and unleashes some elbows, then tries for a zigzag but Del Rio blocks it. Some Ziggler chants start, but lol who cares as he’s quickly pinned with a superkick of all things. I know what the consensus is on Dolph lately, and I can’t say I don’t agree, but why do this to a guy who gets a reaction when a majority of your roster doesn’t? Del Rio applies the armbar after the match but Batista comes to make the save as Batista destroys him and powerbombs him through the announce table. What tough competition Batista has at the Elimination Chamber. WWE knows how to get people over, but 9 times out of 10 they just don’t feel like doing it.

The Bella Twins inform us how to download the WWE Network.

Triple H and Batista are backstage, and Hunter isn’t happy with what Batista just did. Things are different now, Triple H says. This is a publicly traded company. He says he’s just trying let him know what’s best for business. Batista says that this is his business. Triple H says fair enough, so at the Elimination Chamber Batista will take on Alberto del Rio. Batista says things really have changed around here. Well, um, shouldn’t Batista be happy about getting to destroy del Rio again? Or is he just mad he has to face a jobber like Alberto? I dunno.

Lita will be inducted into the Hall of Fame this year. Good for her.

Betty White and the Outlaws are backstage. They try and play a prank on Betty by putting something in her drink, but she knows what’s up and while distracting them, switches the drinks around so that they drink the tea with the stuff in it. They go on their merry way as White smirks. I think I saw this on an episode of I Love Lucy once.

The Usos vs. Ryback & Curtis Axel: New Age Outlaws are on commentary. Usos mocked the Outlaws as I’m guessing a program is being built up between the two. Ryback works over a Uso as the focus is mainly on Billy’s poop problems, because you see they were using LAXATIVES earlier. LOL!!! The heels work over Jimmy as Goldberg chants start on Ryback. Jimmy with a twisting crossbody as they both make hot tags. Suicide dive/tag combination leads to Jimmy hitting Axel with the splash for the pinfall. The Usos are great!

After the match Billy gingerly runs up the ramp. There will always be poop and vomit jokes in the WWE as long as one person is laughing. You know who that one person laughing is.

Dean Ambrose vs. Mark Henry for the United States Championship: Ambrose did not look pleased at this surprise. Some uninteresting stalling to begin until Henry takes him out with a boot. Henry shoves him into the ringpost and throws him out of the ring. Back from commercial, Ambrose is in control as he works over Henry’s elbow, which was destroyed by Brock Lesnar not too long ago. Ambrose goes for the facelock ddt, but Mark Henry counters into the WSS but the Shield break it up for the DQ. Mark Henry attacks Ambrose and Rollins after the match, but Reigns takes him out with a spear.

The Shield start to make their exit, but suddenly the Wyatt’s music hits. They arrive down the ramp as The Shield start to slowly make their way back to the ring. They stare each other down as the crowd gets into it. Reigns is first to make the ring and tells them to get in. Wyatt teases, but backs down and motions for his boys to leave. This was great.

Footage of Orton attacking Mr. Cena from last month.

A nice video on Bobo Brazil aired for Black History Month.

AJ Lee, Alicia Fox & Aksana (who do not get entrances) vs. Cameron & The Bella Twins (who get less than no entrance): Nikki and AJ start things off, so some stuff, then AJ bails. Tag to Aksana, but Nikki takes her out and does the worm or something? Tag to Brie who tries to springboard off Nikki but fails and just ends up slapping Aksana in the boob. Brie gets distracted and Aksana takes her out with a spinebuster. Tag to Fox who tries to go for a tilt a whirl slam but Brie counters with a rollup for two. Fox locks in a submission as she lays out Brie and takes out the faces. Brie tags in Cameron, who proceeds to miss every move she attempted. She came close to hitting a hurricanrana, though. Cole and JBL noted that she’s improved. Well…that’s true, I GUESS. She plants Aksana with the GIRL BYE DDT for the pinfall. Eva Marie suddenly appears out of literally nowhere to celebrate with the faces. Cameron has great charisma and I like her but in terms of grappling I think we’ve found the new worst active wrestler at the moment and it’s not Wes Brisco.

Footage of a Be a Star Rally. Because WWE doesn’t bully, they just rib. A lot. On weekly television. Two completely different things.

Tale of the Tape between John Cena and Randy Orton. Not shown: how many times they’ve wrestled since 2002.

Alexander Rusev promo. It’s the same as the other ones.

Recap of the super long whatever promo from earlier between Orton and The Authority.

Kane arrives. He said that he had been placed on a one week administrative leave and what he did last week was ill advised. Daniel Bryan comes out and goes to attack Kane. Kane retaliates and goes for a chokeslam, but Bryan blocks and sends Kane out of the ring, only to hit him with a suicide dive. They fight over the barricade and Kane bails through the crowd as Daniel Bryan leads Yes chants.

Betty White says she hasn’t been around this many shirtless men in trunks since…last night! Oh Betty, never change. She introduces the main event.

John Cena vs. Randy Orton: Here’s something I’d like to see change. Orton starts with A HEADLOCK. Cena powers out and there’s some back and forth until Orton bails. He gets back in and there’s some more back and forth as Orton plays to the crowd. They aren’t chanting much other than Let’s Go Cena/Cena Sucks chants so I guess this crowd doesn’t want to be like other recent crowds. Orton and Cena go to the outside and Orton suplexes Cena into the barricade, back first. They get back to the ring and Orton poses as we go to commercial. Upon arrival back, we see Orton and Cena exchanging punches. Orton takes down Cena and applies another headlock. Cena powers out and goes for the AA but Orton counters with a DDT for a nearfall. Garvin stomp by Orton as he looks out into the crowd but Cena rolls him up for 2. - Randy Orton John CenaCena starts his comeback and goes for the AA, but Orton with his backbreaker. Draping DDT attempt but Cena throws him over the top to the floor. Orton comes back and hits a powerslam. Orton goes for a superplex but Cena counters, only for Orton to post him on the turnbuckle. Draping DDT connects from Orton as he does his dumb stance for the RKO but Cena counters with the STF but Orton grabs the ropes. Orton dropkicks Cena and points to the Wrestlemania sign as Orton goes to hit the punt but Cena counters with an AA attempt but Orton RKOs Cena…for a nearfall. Cena then hits the AA, but another nearfall.

Cena goes to the top rope and looks to an AA off there but Orton escapes, only for Cena to do the leg drop, then follows with the AA for the pinfall. Another good bout between these two, but I don’t need to see it ever again. Cena celebrates his victory as the show goes off the air.


A fine show, though infuriating and eye rolling at times, and you can guess what I’m talking about. Good wrestling as usual, and some good build up for Elimination Chamber, especially between the Shield and the Wyatts. Not really anything else of note.

All photos: (c)