Welcome to my first ever Raw Review for Voices of Wrestling. My name is Bryan Rose and I watch a lot of pro wrestling. Maybe too much, but I needed a thing and that thing is pro wrestling, apparently. Although a lot of people like to be down on Raw and WWE in general as of late (Sunday was no exception) I like to look at the positives. Because if all you do is focus on the negatives, then why even watch? With that said, let’s get to it with the January 27th edition of Monday Night Raw.
A Royal Rumble recap started the show. Orton retained the title in a match that nobody in the arena cared about.
We start off with TRIPLE H AND STEPHANIE! Or, in the WWEspeak Universe, “THE AUTHORITY”. My favorite people! They’re all smiles as they head to the ring, because there’s never any problems with these two. Stephanie says it’s the most satisfying Royal Rumble of all time. Triple H fake whined and made fun of the fans for not getting what they wanted. Triple H runs down the results nobody liked. Triple H mentioned their good friend Batista won the Royal Rumble. Great way to keep him as a babyface. Stephanie announced that Randy Orton will defend the WWE World Heavyweight title in the Elimination Chamber. Daniel Bryan comes out to a big reaction.
Daniel Bryan says the Authority doesn’t like the crowd chanting for him. Stephanie says she thought they wouldn’t fall for his trick but she was wrong. Daniel Bryan says that people have been talking about his match. Triple H responds with “it was a good effort” to which Bryan says that people were disappointing with him not being in the rumble, and they wanted him to be in in. There’s a movement happening, and every time he asked them to be in the Rumble they said no. Stephanie says that they have to look out for his health. Bryan asks how many times he had to wrestle all three Wyatts or all three Shield members — they don’t care about whats best for business, but what is worst for Daniel Bryan.
Stephanie says that’s a myopic (big WWEspeak word!) point of view. Bryan says that he wants to be in the Chamber, and won’t exit the ring until Triple H does something about that. Triple H says they’re not the only two in the ring, as Bryan’s about to expect some company. The Shield arrive. Bryan tries to fend them off, but it’s no use as it’s a 3 on 1…until Sheamus arrives! Numbers are still against the faces…until Cena arrives! They expel the Shield as Bryan’s music plays.
WWE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION RANDY ORTON TONIGHT!
As a result of that beatdown, the Shield will team up tonight to take on Daniel Bryan, John Cena and Sheamus.
Rey Mysterio & Sin Cara vs. The Real Americans. Rey Mysterio’s return sure feels unimportant. Colter says looks what the gato dragged in. Blah blah blah, something about deportation and stuff. Michael Cole noted how great Kevin Nash looked last night, eliminating Jack Swagger. Swagger and Colter argued at ringside. Cesaro works over Sin Cara for a good bit. I like the idea of Sin Cara and Mysterio as a team. Well, I mean THIS version of Sin Cara and Rey Mysterio. Mysterio clears the ring after a hot tag and hits the 619 on Cesaro and tags in Sin Cara for the senton, but Cesaro dodges, takes out Sin Cara with the uppercut and lays him out with the neutralizer for the three count. Good little match.
Bad News Barrett arrived. He has a very large podium and a gavel he bangs a lot. He has some Bad News for the TV viewers. He says Miz will take on Dolph Ziggler. That is not bad news, that’s terrible news. BNB then ran down Cleveland and banged on his gavel some more to end the segment.
WWE Network segment on the Monday Night Wars (Stephanie is going to kill me) show.
Fandango arrives as Raw goes to commercial. And while we’re on commercial, why do people still take part in fandangoing? He’s a heel. Don’t do that. Actually, all this faces and heels talk is pointless because Vince McMahon decreed recently that there aren’t any faces or heels because people don’t act like that, there are shades of gray. Well that’s true, but on a scripted TV show there’s people you like and people you don’t. When you see a pompous guy like Fandango arrive, you boo. You don’t do hand signals supporting him.
Wrestlemania is 69 days away! No jokes.
Fandango vs. R-Truth in a battle of two guys with nothing going on. Emma is shown in the crowd doing her dance. R-Truth in control early, but Fandango uses Summer Rae as a shield and from there clips him and gains control. Xavier Woods is on commentary and says while working on his PHD he wants to win gold with R-Truth. Fandango misses his legdrop and R-Truth hits his version of the downward spiral for the win.
Randy Orton slowly makes his way to the ring NEXT!
Justin Roberts introduces Brad Maddox, who introduces himself anyway, who introduces Randy Orton. Orton says the champ is here! Despite what everyone said, he retained his title. He wasn’t happy to hear that he’d be defending his title against five other people in the Elimination Chamber. He started to yell at Brad when Batista’s music hits to a much warmer reception than last night. Batista congratulates Orton on his victory, but he doesn’t care who he faces at the Superdome. On April 6, he’s walking away with the WWE World Heavyweight title. People booed at this deceleration.
Brock Lesnar’s music hits as he arrives with Paul Heyman. Funny how after 10 years all of these guys are still competing for the WWE title. Heyman introduces himself to Brad Maddox. What is with these guys constantly needing to introduce themselves every time people are about to speak? Add that to the list of annoying WWE nuances. Anyway, Paul Heyman says that Maddox needs to tell the Authority they have two choices: either Brock Lesnar gets a title match tonight with Orton (people liked this), or put the real number one contender Brock Lesnar with the alleged number one contender, Batista (people also liked this). Heyman says they want the Authority’s answer tonight…or else.
Miz vs. Ziggler NEXT!!!!!!!!!!
Miz vs. Ziggler in a Battle of Clevland match. The stipulation of this match is that they wear Cleveland gear to the ring. Didn’t Ziggler used to be from Hollywood, Florida? This is more like a battle of guys who used to be over, then got buried 10 feet under. Fans chanted for Cleveland. Fans eventually got behind the Miz who locked Ziggler into the figure four but Ziggler grabbed the ropes. Some rollup reversals. Dropkick to Miz’s skull ends the match. Fans reacted kinda happily, I guess.
Ryback & Curtis Axel, who do not get entrances, vs. The Usos. Short, but pretty fun. Ryback and Axel work on the Usos for a while. One of the other Usos work on Axel, but Ryback gets a blind tag, lays out an Uso and almost has the shellshock, but while in the shellock position the other Uso tags in the one in trouble, lays out Ryback with a superkick and pins him with a splash. Usos are great!
Kofi Kingston vs. Alberto Del Rio. Alberto did a 80’s inset promo, not happy about Batista winning the Royal Rumble. Kofi controls early, including a dive to the outside, but Del Rio cuts him off and works him over. Crowd quickly becomes bored, and I wonder why. They chant JBL, and JBL salutes them as they cheer him. Same for Lawler. By the time we return from commercial, Del Rio is using a headlock. He remains in control with a sick German suplex.
Kofi starts a comeback to zero reaction. Well, eventually he does get some heat behind him and hits the SOS for a nearfall. Del Rio goes for the armbar, but Kofi counters with a TIP attempt but Del Rio counters with a backstabber. Del Rio goes to the top but Kofi crotches him. Del Rio catches Kofi in the middle rope and hits a foot stomp followed by a superkick for the pinfall. Pretty good, but no one cared save for a few moments.
WWE 2K14 DLC package. You can download Virgil! Maybe I should buy back the 2K14 game I had but sold because I hate the stupid reversal system.
New Age Outlaws vs. Cody Rhodes & Goldust. Road Dogg quoted Selena Gomez, I’ll leave it at that. Dogg also told the Rhodes Brothers that they wanted to dispel any rumors that they got the titles because of past relationships. Dogg tells them the truth stings, and while they were good last night, the Outlaws were better.
Stunned at this complete fact, the Brothers jump the Outlaws as they bail to the outside. The Outlaws stalled a lot, with both of them making exits to the outside every time Goldust or Cody gained momentum. Eventually, the brothers start to work over Road Dogg. Gunn is tagged in and finally evens the odds as it goes to commercial. Goldust and Dogg are back at it as we return and Dogg is busted open. Cody and Gunn are tagged in and Cody is in control, dropkick both. Billy tries for the famouser but Cody blocks it — then suddenly Brock Lesnar arrives. The Outlaws bail as Lesnar destroys Goldust and Cody Rhodes. Paul Heyman said when the Authority had to make their decision, they chose choice #3: no one.
Paul Heyman says that he would like to show us what happens when Brock Lesnar doesn’t get what he wants. Lesnar pummels Cody and Goldust with chair shots, destroying the chair in the process as he leaves them laying. I think there were better people for that role than Cody Rhodes or Goldust at this point.
Aksana, Alicia Fox, Tamina Snuka & AJ Lee vs. Bella Twins & The Funkadactyls, who do not get entrances because they aren’t important. I’m not one of those guys who gets annoyed when people are wrestling with earrings on or sunglasses on, but when you have a large hat in your pocket it’s super distracting and annoying, AJ LEE. Tamina works on Brie forever before Brie tags in Namoi who makes a good comeback. Big suplex spot. After this scuffle, Naomi blocks AJ and hits the rear view for the victory.
The next Hall of Fame inductee is revealed. It’s Jake “the Snake” Roberts! Congrats to him. That last heel run in the WWE was incredible. I mean, you can’t mention Jake without mentioning that run!
Wrestlemania Rewind, coming to the WWE network VERY SOON!
Christian is back on Smackdown this Friday.
Sheamus, John Cena & Daniel Bryan vs. The Shield. Cena starts off with Ambrose for a bit, then with Reigns who actually gets a chant. He’s getting popular it seems. Tag to Sheamus who works on Reigns a bit but it’s a back and forth affair. Rollins is tagged in, but Sheamus works him over and hits the fist strikes to the chest off the apron. Rollins tags back in Ambrose and large Daniel Bryan chants start. Tag to Daniel Bryan who works over Ambrose. The crowd is really behind Bryan.
Top rope hurricanrana from Bryan to Ambrose. Ambrose tags in Rollins who falls to Bryan as he locks in a surfboard. Tag to Cena who works over Rollins before Rollins cuts him off before going to commercial. Back from that, it’s back and forth until Reigns drills Cena with a flying dropkick on the outside. Reigns hits the superman punch. Reigns tags in Ambrose who continues to work on Cena. Ambrose gets a near fall with a DDT, but takes too much time to gloat as he’s taken down with an AA and tags in Bryan who goes loose with his great comeback. Sheamus runs in but Reigns hits him with a spear. Cena tries to as well, but the same fate. Bryan hits Reigns with the knee but Rollins breaks it up as they got it. Rollins with a German suplex attempt but Bryan floats over to his feet.
Bryan locks in the Yes lock but Ambrose breaks it up only for Sheamus to hit him with the brogue kick, but Rollins lays out Sheamus. Double crossbody to both Rollins and Bryan. Cena stands in the corner and wants a tag, and hits it as Cena grabs Rollins and hits the STF but Reigns pulls Cena’s arms apart as suddenly the Wyatts run in and attack the faces for the DQ. Great match up until then!
The faces send the Wyatts packing as Justin Roberts announces Daniel Bryan, John Cena and Sheamus as the winners, so they along with Randy Orton are going into the chamber. The Shield throw a fit outside the ring as the faces celebrate in the ring to close Raw.
I liked this show, and the main event was fun stuff so it topped it off nicely. There were some boring parts, but I enjoyed it for the most part. They also got an idea for Elimination Chamber, which is nice as well. They addressed the issues a lot of people had last night about the Rumble and squared it on the Authority, which I guess adds heat to the future feud between Triple H and CM Punk. This Authority angle…it ends at Wrestlemania, right? I hope?