Opening Segment (Stephanie McMahon, Triple H, Daniel Bryan, The Shield, Sheamus, John Cena)

  • How long into this segment before we get some sort of Daniel Bryan chant? Oh, only five seconds into Stephanie’s promo.
  • WWE is hard selling this whole “we don’t want to give you Daniel Bryan” angle. It sounds stupid to say aloud but it’s kind of working.
  • The proof is in the pudding as the fans blow the roof off the place as Bryan enters.
  • YES! That was JBL and Lawler discussing their love for hot wings.
  • The Pittsburgh fans last night were much more in sync with their chants than the Cleveland fans are tonight.
  • Seth Rollins just ATE MAT as he attempted to jump the barricade. I repeat he ATE MAT!
  • Does anyone else feel that The Shield has ran their course? I have been waiting months for Roman Reigns to split away from them, maybe that will happen in the main event.
  • Cena and Sheamus making the save to setup the main event works. Some sources are saying that it’s going to be Bryan vs. Sheamus at WrestleMania, so that’s interesting.

Rey Mysterio & Sin Cara vs. The Real Americans (Jack Swagger & Antonio Cesaro)

  • I thought that Sin Cara was released from the company!? No, I really thought he was. (Editor’s Note: Ask Joe on Twitter to explain the Sin Cara lineage) 
  • The Cesaro swing was one of the highlights from the Royal Rumble last night. I don’t know if that’s good or bad.
  • Kevin Nash was another highlight from last night and that is good.
  • If Colter smacks Swagger hard enough, will he no longer have a lisp? Think about it.
  • Sonic commercials make me angry mostly due to my intense jealousy for those who live near a Sonic. (Editor’s Note: Surprisingly not as good as the hype) 
  • What in the heck is Sin Cara’s shoulder tattoo of? No seriously, what in the world is that thing?!
  • I do believe that JBL just confirmed that Cole was in Glee Club in high school.
  • The Cesaro uppercut was cool but it’s got nothing on the superman punch.

Fun Fact: The NBA game on ESPN that WWE Smackdown more than doubled viewer wise was the Clippers beating the Bulls 112-95.  #IrrelevantStatistic

Fandango vs. R-Truth

  • Maybe it’s just me but I find Wade Barrett to be very annoying.
  • Although I might be in the minority here, I do love me some Fandango! The man can really cut a rug.
  • 69 days til WrestleMania XXX, no sex pun intended.
  • There is a pleasant discussion about pleather (plastic leather) taking place at ringside. I have no idea how they have time for this with all of the great in-ring action taking place.
  • Xavier Woods, Cole and Lawler are really banging on East Carolina University. (Editor’s Note: Do a quick Wiki search on their most famous alums) 
  • This match was about three minutes too long. The match recap was almost as long as the match was.

Segment Two (Brad Maddox, Randy Orton, Batista, Paul Heyman, Brock Lesnar)

  • Maddox is a swanky dresser but a horrible ring announcer.
  • Here comes Orton with his two belts. Are they going to keep both belts? Or will we see the World Heavyweight Championship go away? I think it’s a shame how they are calling him the World Heavyweight Champion and more or less disregarding one of the belts as a whole.
  • Remember when Orton was a bad-ass and he did whatever he wanted and he didn’t cry about everything? No, I don’t remember that either.
  • Did anyone else think that Batista looked like Pitbull the night that he returned to Raw? Seriously, go look at those photos.
  • Call me crazy but it seems as though Batista wore out his welcome in less than a week.
  • I wonder how much it would cost me to have Paul Heyman walk around with me and do all of my talking for a whole day.
  • Lesnar vs. Batista PLEASE!

The Miz vs. Dolph Ziggler

  • Ziggler is very underutilized, it’s a shame. Then again, he probably shouldn’t trash talk the WWE Champion during radio interviews.
  • You know that awkward stage you go through when you are growing your hair out and it’s not quite long enough yet to look normal, Miz has that going on currently. Then again he is with Maryse, so maybe he is doing something right.
  • Announce team is running through all of the Cleveland athletes in attendance because this Cleveland theme is far better than what’s happening in the ring.
  • It bothers me that Miz uses the figure four leg lock, it really bothers me.
  • … JBL wondering if the winner of the match wins Cleveland.

Ryback & Axel vs. The Usos

  • “Rybaxel?” Is that really a thing? This shouldn’t really be a thing.
  • For those keeping track, the “Goldberg” chants began before the opening bell.
  • The WWE has quietly rebuilt their tag team division. Earlier tonight we saw Sin Cara/Mysterio and Swagger/Cesaro. Now we have this match and later tonight we will see the Rhodes Brothers and the New Age Outlaws. Six legitimate tag teams in one episode of Raw? And that’s not including the Primetime Players, The Shield or the Wyatt Family. I dare say that this is what we call progress.
  • I feel as though The Usos became THAT much more interesting when they painted their faces.
  • Remember when Ryback was a dominant and undefeated monster? Yeah, he was just pinned by an Uso.

Kofi Kingston vs. Alberto Del Rio

  • How many times do you think Kofi practiced the barricade jump prior to the Rumble last night?
  • Kofi’s joker inspired tights are pretty B.A. (B.A. being bad-ass).
  • JBL Chant? And a huge pop when JBL stands up. Lawler stands up for his chant and we go to break before we find out if Cole acknowledges them.
  • “If they chant Michael Cole I’m leaving” -JBL
  • Cole just said that a victory over Kofi would go a long way to earning Del Rio a spot at WrestleMania. I like Kofi as much as the next guy but C’mon now Cole.
  • Do you think Del Rio would refuse to compete if they forgot to put his flags on the ring posts?
  • I miss Ricardo Rodriguez.

“Man, I wish that I could play as Bruno Sammartino in the new WWE 2k14 video game.” #ThingsNobodySays

New Age Outlaws vs. Rhodes Brothers (Interference by Brock Lesnar)

  • These PG Outlaws have been censored AND they just made a Selena Gomez reference.
  • So they can’t say “ass” in their entrance music but Road Dogg can say it in the ring?
  • Did I mark out when the Outlaws won the belts last night? Is that even a real question?!
  • Road Dogg: What’s going on here? Lawler: I don’t even know what’s going on over here (after Lawler said one of the two teams in the ring is going to win).
  • Cody calling Outlaws old, I guess he hasn’t seen Goldust with his paint on.
  • “That will knock your make-up off” – JBL
  • The double dropkick is a pretty cool move.
  • Referee Charles Robinson caught that chair on the fly! #SportsCenterTop10

These Old Spice commercials are absolutely hillarious!

Eight Diva Tag Team Match

  • We have eight Divas here and a worthless Divas division, go figure.
  • The Bella’s date Daniel Bryan and John Cena, you would think one of them would be champion.
  • Triple Suplex and a Rear View!!

WWE Hall of Fame Class of 2014

  • Ultimate Warrior (even though he is insane, this is long overdue.)
  • Jake “The Snake” Roberts (Robert’s road to recovery is some powerful stuff.  It’s great to see him getting in and looking as good as he does.)

John Cena, Sheamus & Daniel Bryan vs. The Shield

  • The return of CAPTAIN CHARISMA (on Smackdown this Friday)!
  • “Lets go Cena.” “Cena Sucks!”
  • It took six anchors to hold Sheamus’ shoulder in place? I don’t know what that means medically but it sounds pretty boss.
  • Remember when Seth Rollins ATE MAT earlier in the night? Hahaha.
  • Dean Ambrose is currently the longest reigning champion in WWE. Does anyone remember the last time that he defended that belt? October 28, 2013 against Big E. Langston is the correct answer.
  • #SupermanPunch
  • Not even Daniel Bryan can get a John Cena chant going.
  • YES! YES! YES!
  • “We’ve got a flying goat.” – JBL
  • Cena messed up the spear! C’mon Cena!
  • Sheamus and Cena are taking a backseat to Bryan in this match.
  • OMG I think Ambrose just lost his head from that Brough Kick!
  • Sheamus fighting Rowan, now that’s humorous to watch.
  • The Shield vs. the Wyatt Family next week on Raw?

Final Thoughts

Tonight’s Raw officially kicked off the “Road to WrestleMania” with a bang. There was a lot of solid tag team action and we got teased with possible Brock Lesnar vs. Batista match. Daniel Bryan is still as over as humanly possible, while the WWE Universe could care less about Orton and Batista. The championship chamber match is almost filled and the show ended with Cena, Bryan and Sheamus standing in the middle of a Shield/Wyatt sandwich. Aside from a few crappy filler matches it was a good night.

Come back for some more rants and ramblings next week!

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